<p>And yet I can’t exactly pinpoint what it is within us that would cause that tension. But, something tells me it probably has something to do with our ascension to success. Let me elaborate:</p>
<p>Instead of just having to deal with (minimal, on most parts) racism when competing with other classmates/colleagues/coworkers, we’re dealing with sexism as well. We’ll get as much flack from the black men competing against us as we will from the white men. It creates a two-front war, which often times causes our defenses to be built up higher, and tougher. Just the scent of weakness creates and opportunity for us to be struck down. So even when we are in a state of calm and friendliness, some people will be able to see us as ‘likeable’, while others would perceive us still perceive us as greatly intimidating.</p>
<p>But I do feel that men of other races can see the likeability better than African American men.</p>
<p>Except in the case of my S, he wasn’t in any competition with anyone. He’s an artist type just doing his thing. Very talented, not very outgoing, very friendly though, a really good athlete, average academically, 6 ft 1in thin build.</p>
<p>If he was 35, black women would be all over him but in HS, for some reason, he felt kicked to the curb while the playa with a big grin and couple suspension had 3 girls at once.</p>
<p>I know the whole story. Seen it with others. I just don’t understand it really.</p>
<p>Ahhhh… sounds like a case of the “all that glitters”. It’s the lose of those girls, really. In fact, there’s a cartoon image that depicts a situation just like your son’s that I’m trying to find.</p>
<p>I think black women are single largely due to the fact that they refuse to look outside of black men for partners. They have this strange loyalty to them that is not rational. They must take a hint and stop waiting around for the perfect black man. It’s idiotic. </p>
<p>Additionally, it might help if black women ceased being so guarded. Perhaps adopt a more “cutesy” manner. I dunno.
While in college, I’m not going to participate in a lot of black clubs and such because I don’t want to limit myself when it comes to dating options.</p>
<p>You can still embrace your identity while embracing the idea of dating outside your race. You don’t have to choose one or the other; in fact it’s one of the few times where you can have your cake and eat it to. The only issue with that, is that people are too scared to embrace both. </p>
<p>And then the “adopt a more cutesy manner”…no. Just no. Unless, that is who that person is, then fine. But if you’re not “cutesy” or “dainty” or petite or anything along those lines, you shouldn’t feel pressured to become someone, or should I even say someTHING, that you are not. That’s a recipe for failed relationships. I highly doubt Michelle played the “cutesy” role at Harvard Law, and I doubt she played the “cutesy” role when she was showing Barack the ropes at Sidley Austin LLP. </p>
<p>There are a lot of steps that educated, successful black woman can make to reverse the statistics, and nurture successful love lives, but donning some kind of facade is not the way. It never gets that serious.</p>
<p>If you can alexissss, check out this woman’s YouTube channel. She’s probably as close to an epitome of a black woman as possible (natural hair, sassy, etc…) but check it out, because her husband is white. Which I find quite interesting. If you gravitate towards someone of a different race, that’s awesome, so be it. But it should be because you, the real you, genuinely likes that person regardless of color/race. If the real you isn’t feeling it, then don’t force it.</p>
<p>ITT: Young, confused black women spouting off strawman psychological rationalizations (using that word loosely) for their inability to pull white men. </p>
<p>Maybe most men simply don’t generally find black women to be physically attractive? Just a thought.</p>
<p>Young, I am. Confused, I am not. And this has nothing to do with inability to ‘pull white men’. Friend if that’s all you got from these last few posts…maybe you might need to distance yourself from our so-called “psychological rationalizations” (loosely used) and engage in more concrete discussions elsewhere?</p>
<p>Point is, we’re using our personal experiences and perspectives to try and get a better understanding of the phenomenon. It’s literally that simple. No one here expects to have a “Eureka!” moment and come up with a concrete explanation and/or solution to the problem at hand. And for you to trivialize it by basing it off of some unfounded notion that we are bitter because we can’t ‘pull’ men of other races…well that’s just juvenile.</p>
<p>Now on the subject of ‘most men not finding black woman to be physically attractive’…even if that could be true, there once was a time when black men found black women to be attractive, and suitable to be in a relationship with. In terms of men of other races, interracial relationships are on a steady incline year by year. So…black women are not unattractive enough to not be sought after. Are you trying to say that black women in higher ed are not found physically attractive? Maybe, just maybe that could stick better than your other assumption.</p>
Are you saying that black women are dating outside of their race more than ever? LOL, oh really? No way.</p>
<p>Personally, I’m a black man who’s been entwined with many a negrita – I love black women, but lettuce discard the sugarcoating PC element and be Cheerios cereal here for a sec:</p>
<ol>
<li>Lighter skin is generally viewed as an appealing feminine trait in today’s society. </li>
</ol>
<p>I was going to list more, but I’ll stop there, don’t want to hurt any feelings.</p>
<p>slikkk, you are the type of man that would make a woman of any race stay single forever before she ever so much as thought about pursuing any type of relationship with you. </p>
<p>If you have to ask me what the problem at hand is, then you need to take it upon yourself to read the last 3-4 pages of posts in this thread.</p>
<p>Oh, and why stop? My feelings are practically impenetrable when it comes to ignorant remarks from a person/people who I wouldn’t normally give the time of day to outside of an internet forum. Ouch.</p>
<p>Philotivist, you are absolutely correct. Society does suck. I’ll have no choice but to hold off on discussing this topic until I get to Chicago and am able to converse with people (regardless of race) whose egos don’t prevent them from being civil and temperate.</p>
<p>@lady
Meh, perhaps. It would be nice, though, if black women ceased with the attitudes. It’s unbecoming. D:</p>
<p>@slik
U srs, brah? Lighter skin is valued MOSTLY within the black (oh, look!) and Asian communities. Ditto for straight hair. So…there’s that. If you go to Europe you’ll find that many Europeans appreciate darker skin more than even black people. What a shocker. (See tanning for white people omg.)
Also, “pulling white men”? No. I’d call it looking beyond this stifling black community for more fulfilling options. Unlike black men, most black women aren’t falling over themselves to date outside of their race. Ooookay.</p>
<p>Slik,do you think we don’t know that light skin is better? We know it. And we know long hair one can run their fingers through is valued, along with an aquiline nose and everything that black women cannot and will never have because we are BLACK not white. (and people wonder why we’re bitter. lol.) And look, here’s another thing I’d say to many black women. Let’s stop trying. Yes. It doesn’t make sense to chase after white guys, who’ll see us as “desperate” or try to stupidly convince black guys who prefer white women to date us. Why do we care? Let black men date who they wish and we’ll move on/live our lives. But here’s one thing guys, the market for black women will never be any better and one day you guys will have a daughter and you’ll have to listen to her cry because she doesn’t have anyone to take her to the school dance and as she detests her hair and you try to convince her she’s beautiful despite the fact that you believe that black woman’s hair is ugly, then you’ll feel just a tiny bit of the pain black women do every day. and it will burn your soul.</p>
<p>ugh. that came out a lot more bitter than I wished. I guess i just hate it when black guys taunt us about the fact that they can date out of the race and we can’t or try to tell us that " what is wrong with us" are things we cannot change like hair and skin color. Not quite fair.</p>
<p>The problem is that most people don’t think. Most people’s ideal of beauty is culturally implanted and has no true relationship to real beauty. </p>
<p>Beauty can be appreciated and seen among all people of every race and ethnicity. We tend to base beauty on how one group compares to another to intentionally instill notions of superiority. If you get rid of those notions, one can see beauty in all and ones beauty doesn’t detract from the beauty of another. It’s sad how close to animals we are in our behavior.</p>