Dating Life

<p>I think I just have really high standards.</p>

<p>where were you when you were at Rice? I found plenty of attractive girls.</p>

<p>torres-
Please take this feedback with the gentleness that it is intended. Whether or not you have "high standards", it isn't a great idea to say that the U of A girls, even though you don't think they are very good looking, are "gorgeous" compared to the Rice girls, and that the Rice girls aren't very pretty, if you plan to attend Rice (which I believe you are). Your attitude is likely to be picked up by the girls at Rice, and probably many would be turned off by it. I would recommend a bit more diplomacy. Or, you can post a picture of yourself and we can all rate your looks.</p>

<p>jym626: kudos. well said. It would be kinda fun to see how OTHERS might rate his looks.. being that he has such "high standards" I would hope that he is better looking on the outside than he is on the inside.</p>

<p>lsandin-
Tell your d. to watch out for his photo in next years "meet book" (otherwise known as the "meat book").</p>

<p>oh guys, he ****ed up for sure, but let's not lower our own standards to be vindictive towards him. I'm sure the words just came out wrong (I hope it did).</p>

<p>concur. never a wise move to judge someone - either way - based on eight words. (probably .000000000000000000000000000003% of the words he has ever uttered. lol.)</p>

<p>bluedaisy-
I am sorry if these banters sounded "vindictive". That is a strong word. I certainly didn't mean it that way. As I said in the first post, I was trying to give constructive criticism. Sometimes people don't realize how something they say makes others feel until they have it said to them. </p>

<p>You are right-- things can either "come out wrong" when written in a post, or a person can take it differently than it was intended. You can't "hear" the tone of my "voice" when I write this, and I can't tell how you "hear" it when you read it. Sigh.. such is the status of internet n'ettiquette these days. We do have to be careful what/how we write. I imagine it will be in the not too distant future that there will be an audio option and we <em>will</em> be able to hear each others posts. That might cut down on the confusion... I hope. </p>

<p>But, until that time, we will have to continue to check back with each other as to how something was intended, so as to minimize any miscommunication. </p>

<p>As an aside, the Rice freshman picturebook <em>is</em> called the "meet/meat book". That is not my term-- that is the Rice student body term. In my college days, the official name was the freshman face book. We called it the pig book. I still have mine, asn it was from a <em>long</em> time ago.... Pretty funny to look at now.</p>

<p>Wow, who cares.</p>

<p>The females.</p>

<p>Let individuals argue what they wish to argue; Rice can have the most aesthetically unappealing student-body, what matters is that there are other modes of fulfillment that Rice can deliver, such as intellectual stimulation and diverse perspectives from motivated and intelligent peers. If one is going to dismiss Rice because it does not actively cater to the sexually-active student, I would rather have that student attend some other school.</p>

<p>Well, I guess I made a wrong move somewhere in there. Maybe I was just in the wrong areas and that is why I didn't see more attractive girls. Well I did see some pretty girls; I don't think that I ever said that there weren't any pretty girls at Rice.
Wow! I just looked back at some of the other replies to my post. You guys really take this as such a huge deal! "I would hope that he is better looking on the outside than he is on the inside." I never knew so many people would get so worked up over one person's comments about their looks. Also, just in my own defense, I didn't base my conclusion about Rice girls completely on what I saw. I also asked my hosts, and they gave me the same response. My hosts didn't seem to be excommunicated for their views so I am not really worried that someone will not become friends with me because I don't think that they are attractive. Honestly, I think I do just have high standards, I have been told that by many people.
Last, I don't think that it is fair to say that I have an "ugly" inside as Isandin alluded to, just because I made a comment on people's appearance. I don't consider myself shallow because I notice people's looks, and it is not like I won't be friends with people that I don't find visually pleasing. It is just an observation and I guess that my comments came off as too blunt or something. Also, look back at page one of this thread. There are two people who made similar comments to mine (actually the first person [unclefeezus] said that the girls were ugly and then harvardhopeful05 agreed with him), but I don't see them being attacked here. They even said it before me. Why don't you tell your girls to look out for these horrible boys! Jym626, I like how you are setting up a scheme to get Isandin's D to not associate with me next year. Make sure you warn them about UncleFeezus and harvardhopeful because they sound as equally repulsive. (Honestly, to UncleFeezus and harvardhopeful, I really don't think that any of your comments were malicious and I don't really expect Jym626 to set up a campaign to make our Rice years a living hell because a comment that we made on a message board).
I didn't mean for my comment to be so controversial. I merely stated it as an observation. This is not an apology because I don't think that I said anything hurtful. If I somehow hurt someone by my comment, I feel that that person is too worried about how other's perceive them and they should not concern themselves with other people's opinions. I feel that I have not judged any of my friendships based on looks and neither should anyone else. If I don't find you pretty that doesn't mean that you are not amazing in other ways. Look, we are going to Rice, that means that all of us having something exceptional about us so why does it matter what you look like on the outside. My comment was not meant to be a banner that shows my outlook on life and I don't think that it really makes any sort of statement about my personality other than that I notice people's looks, it was just an observation I had while I was there.
Well, sadly I do not feel like taking the time to post a picture online (I am sure that all of you believe that this is because I must be incredibly ugly and if I were to post my photo then all my comments would be discredited, so I must be terribly afraid of what the people on cc will say about my looks). Even if you found out that I am incredibly good-looking, does that mean that I am more justified to say that many of the Rice girls (the ones that I have seen) are not pretty, or that I have high standards? Posting a photo is useless.</p>

<p>torres-
Some of the comments were made tongue-in-cheek. We dont really expect you to post your picture. It was said to make a point. Unclefeezus (who is going to Stanford) and Harvardhopeful made general statements-- a bit more light-hearted. Unclefeezus (post # 38) then made a</p>

<p>-- oops-- hit "send" by mistake-- </p>

<p>to finish-- Unclefeezus made a positive retort. Your comments about U of A and Rice were just a bit insensitive, and I hope it was an oversight. And as for "scheming" to keep lsandin's d. away from you?? really-- That is a bit over the top. In this case I think <em>you</em> are being too sensitive. </p>

<p>I am sure you will have a great time at Rice. It is a great place, full of great people. I am sure you will make friends and have a positive experience. Our suggestion to you is not to be superficial. I think you heard that.</p>

<p>on one last note, I do believe that torrestowers was insensitive. But something tells me...I feel it in my bones...that he would not let these so-called "unattractive girls" hinder his love life. I'm sure he'll find out these girls that HE finds unattractive will have lots to offer than looks. But in all seriousness, let's watch out for potentially insensitive comments from now on okies?
I just came from sensitivity training class for our senior class today...so I feel extra aware of everything that pops outta my mouth :)
btw, you're right jym, vindictive is a harsh word but it was the only word that popped into my head at the time.</p>

<p>Everyone attacking torrestowers is ridiculous. Everyone- and I do mean everyone- is superficial to some degree. At least torrestowers is honest. I mean, if you're not superficial at all, why don't you date someone with terrible acne and no teeth? It's like saying, yeah, I steal- but I don't steal as much as you do. Most of the people I've met (sorry, but most of them have been girls- most guys are pretty blunt with each other about their superficiality) who always talk about how they care about emotions and stuff always seem to consistently date guys who are of their level of attractiveness. I know so many people who claim not to be superficial date jerks over and over again and always wonder why they turned out to be so mean.</p>

<p>My point is when it comes down to it everyone is shallow to some degree; "dating" as a whole is only because of sexual attraction- otherwise, everyone would just be friends. The important thing is just to not base things ENTIRELY on looks- that's the true meaning of superficiality. Don't attack someone who is simply being honest.</p>

<p>Unclefeezus-
Your point is well taken, but as I say to my kids, there is a difference between being honest and being brutally honest. It is just a matter of tact. I don't see the feedback given as an "attack", but as everyone here is saying in their own way, it is just a matter of perception. </p>

<p>I fully agree, guys tend to be more blunt. Girls can be catty. But in mixed company, lets all play nice.</p>

<p>Yeah. I agree that it was a little tactless.</p>

<p>"I never knew so many people would get so worked up over one person's comments about their looks." </p>

<p>I didn't think that you were commenting on MY looks, LOL. </p>

<p>"They aren't very good looking. Well, I guess they are "gorgeous" in comparison to Rice girls."</p>

<p>Do you really believe that people shouldn't take this just a little personally? I don't go to Rice (obviously) and D hasn't started at Rice and I still took it personally.. Maybe it is just that school pride kind of thing.. no one wants to hear anything negative about their school or their classmates (or their future school/classmates). </p>

<p>jym: or maybe we are just the sensitive type ; )</p>

<p>lsandin-
Yes, I like to think of myself as <em>sensitive</em> :). Maybe we parents are a tad to thin-skinned. However, in all fairness, I think it is wise advice to Torres that one probably shouldn't post on the Rice Forum negative things about the Rice girls-- especially if you plan to attend. Just isn't good form. The feedback we provided was intended as helpful-- it was hardly an "attack". I am loyal to Rice for my s's sake, and I think a little sensitivity training is reasonable. A gentle reminder that such statements can be hurtful to others is, I think, helpful all the way around.
I wish all schools offered sensitivity training like Bluedaisy's. That is a great idea. I greatly appreciated Bluedaisy's acknowledgement that her word "vindictive" was too harsh for the circumstance. She heard my feedback, she acknowledged it, she responded with an awareness that it was probably not the best choice, and she explained her quick thought. She didn't get defensive, and she didn't hurl back any unkind remark. She apologized. That is a class act. Why can't more students be like her? It is easy to forget common courtesy when we can hide anonymously behind a computer monitor. That doesn't make it right. Let's all think before we hit the "send" key.
OK- enough parental "lecturing" for this hour of the morning. Have a nice day everyone :)</p>

<p>one last, tangential thought... I have relatives in Tucson, and I spend time there. Perhaps if I'd made a derogatory comment about the people of Tucson or their terrible driving skills (OK, granted, the bad drivers are usually the ones over the age of 85), but at any rate-- maybe Torres would understand.</p>