<p>D15 wants to go to boarding school for her junior and senior year.. beyond the problem of it certainly not being a traditional entrance year, I am not sure how I feel about all of this. She currently attends one of the best day schools in the country but i know she went through some changes in her social circle (not exactly by choice) and hasn't been truly happy since the middle of last year. She is also the last one of our children at home and after being the youngest in a very busy family, I am sure she is feeling a little lonely right now as well (her older brother just left for college this year).</p>
<p>So beyond trying to put together a list or understanding how far beyond the ball we probably are in this process, unlike applying to college where the HS GC's are on board, do I go to the dean of her class to start the conversations? He actually came to us from an east coast boarding school situation. </p>
<p>Anyway.. advice going forward would be appreciated. </p>
<p>And oh..
I imagine the list to be something like
Deerfield
exeter
St pauls
Lawrenceville (my dad went there as did all his brothers and my cousins, one of whom graduated as one of the first girls classes but don't really know if it would be a good fit).</p>
<p>Firstly, Junior is a fine entering year. While for the traditional boarding school (outside of the US) it is not a popular year of entrance, plenty of people within the US do this. </p>
<p>Her list is fine. I see no reason to apply to “safeties” if she attends a top day school. However, matches (and even some safeties) may come up to the caliber of her day school. </p>
<p>Start the conversation, this is what I did, with her counselor (or the person who fills out the “school report”) a few weeks before November. Around November give your Recs into all the teachers. However, with an asset such as her dean, I would think that you could speak with him.</p>
<p>You can request information from the various schools online. You may also ask about whether there will be a Ten Schools reception in your area. And if appropriate, request an interview for that time, especially if you live far away from the school(s) she is interested in. Those receptions are usually held in October, I think. The applications are due in January or very early February, so I would suggest getting started fairly soon. Also, schedule a date for her to take the SSAT. If she is applying to more than a couple schools it is all the more important to give her a little bit of lead time. Or it will be a major crunch come January.</p>
<p>My only question would be as to the problem you are trying to solve.</p>
<p>You stated that your D’s primary purpose in looking at boarding school was to fix a problem in the social scene. Not trying to rain on the parade here, but unless it is a situation very specific to the school where she is right now (a particular unusual incident that has colored your daughter’s experience in a way that cannot be changed through her own effort) , that won’t exactly go over well with many schools. Yes, many kids need a change of scenery, but often that is because of a lack of coping skills on the part of the child - which a change of scenery never really changes.</p>
<p>It is OK to get away from a social scene - in our case it was a secondary consideration - goaliegirl didn’t transition in particularly well when we moved south, but it wasn’t an unmanagable situation, just slow. In our case we were disappointed in the academic climate and we also needed a new hockey scene (or a new car because we spent every weekend on the road).</p>
<p>Just be clear on how the situation at the boarding school will be different than the current situation.</p>
<p>As to your question, I wouldn’t start with your current school’s staff at all. Of course, you’ll need them come recommendations time, but until you find a set of alternatives that fit your need (bring your current school’s staff your solution) there is not a need to talk to them, unless they are already on board with the idea that she needs the change of scenery.</p>
<p>As to being behind the 8-ball, you aren’t too far. Get your SSAT test scheduled today. Start visiting schools this weekend.</p>
<p>Another thing to consider, I am going to assume you can afford to pay in full (lots of other things to consider if FA is required). Can you afford for her repeat 10th grade? Yes, I saw that she is going to a top private day school, but entrance as a 10th grader is less competitive at the top schools, red-shirting (for a lack of a better term) is a time-tested way of improving college admissions, and it will give her a full social experience in the school. And top level students do repeat. I remember one lady who went to Andover to repeat 11th even though she got a 4 on the APUSH and already had a 1400 SAT under her belt and went to the top private in the city she came from. She ended up at Yale.</p>
<p>Modadunn, you don’t sound enthusiastic about the prospect of boarding school, to my “ear.” If your daughter is unhappy enough at her current school to want to change schools, and you agree, you probably should speak with her class’s dean. As you seem ambivalent about the prospect, he might be able to find a way for her to stay at her current school. </p>
<p>It’s not too late to start the process, but it will keep you busy!</p>
<p>I didn’t say there was a problem needing fixing, I said there had been a change in her social scene. You’d have to understand how weird girls can be with their friendships to truly understand and frankly, to explain how the particular cliques work would be really long. Let’s just say that she is finding herself in a nomansland right now.</p>
<p>Lots of my family went to boarding school, so I get it. And it’s not that I am ambivalent, it’s more a are we ready to go down the admissions rabbit hole so soon after son’s college trip? I think talking to her dean would be helpful…I like him and so does she, so that’s where we’ll start.</p>
<p>While talking to the dean, keep in mind, his goal will be to keep her in her current school since they may have a problem filling slots for junior year, plus they may genuinely not want to loose a student that has been with them for a long time. The beauty of the BS process is that you can visit schools without having done the applications in advance. This way if you change your minds, it was just two or three weekends lost. By that point her social situation may have improved.</p>
<p>I think that a change in social scene is a very valid reason to change high schools, and I have seen some happy transitions.</p>
<p>The dean might be a good place to start, but keep in mind that he probably knows the schools very well, but not the admissions. In order to get accepted for junior year at the schools you listed, she should be at the top of her class with very high test scores. If you happen to live in NJ, Lawrenceville will be an especially tough one to get into for 11th grade boarding.</p>
<p>Good luck, I think that change is usually a good thing!</p>
<p>Goaliedad has given some really good advice. Both you and the boarding schools need to hear that D really wants to go to BS and hear a compelling reason other than escaping a social situation, especially if she is not repeating 10th grade. Teaching your child to run away from a situation (if that is what is happening) is not a great idea. Of course you don’t want your child to be miserable, but often having to work through a tough situation is a lot better in the long run for personal development than taking the easier way out. There are also legitimate personal considerations. It will be very disruptive to your family if you hadn’t planned on becoming empty nesters for two more years and suddenly you have to deal with all of these issues. If you do want to move forward with BS, then you should have D spend some time looking over the web sites and catalogues (available on-line) for the schools in which you are interested. If she seems seriously interested, then you want to book interviews asap, since you are already in October and the weekend slots are probably pretty filled already. Ideally, your first interview should be at a school where you really have little (but some) interest. They can always tell the first interview and many assume they are not a top choice. Depending on which grade you apply for, different schools may prefer the SAT or the SSAT. (I think it is SSAT generally until you are applying for 12th grade, but check.) You will need to sign up for these and probably want to take them twice (perhaps with a coaching course geared to the December or January test; I assume you are too late to prep for November, although you should probably sign up for it). The essays are a fair amount of work, and you will need to line up references (English and Math teachers and the current school head), and they may need some lead time. You may also want to solicit additional or personal letters from friends who know D reasonably well and are well-connected with the particular school. You should also check the deadlines for the application being received by the schools. They are not quite all the same, although most are Feb 1. The essays are similar, but not identical. Some schools require multiple essays. (It is harder than college when we applied.) You have time, but none to waste. Unless your D is a very strong candidate or decides to repeat, Lawrenceville is probably your best chance given the strong legacy. Good luck.</p>
<p>While I am resurrecting a thread that had probably died, I think it needs to be reiterated that the D in question is not “running away” from a social situation. But I also think that to assume a change in social scenery is running away is quite the leap. What about the issues of friends partying and a kid doesn’t want to? In this case, the friends that she had are indeed doing stuff she doesn’t want to do and in a school the size of hers. She doesn’t feel she “fits” in some of the other groups, but is definitely getting a long fine. There is no running away but a desire to find like minded people to attend school with. Isn’t that what the college search is about as well? Tons of kids transfer colleges every year because they don’t feel it’s a good fit… maybe the kids party too much, maybe not enough or maybe their political affiliations are insulting. There are a ton of “social” reasons a kid wants to change their environment. While she attends a great school and I would love her to want to finish there for a lot of reasons, in the brief conversation I had with her dean, there probably wouldn’t be a need to repeat sophomore year and in fact, our school apparently has some great relationships with BS that routinely make room for students from our school. Who knew? Not me until I asked!</p>
<p>My daughter went to our local public school through 8th grade. By the end of 7th, things started to fall apart. Socially things got mean and she let us know that she did not want to go to the HS. We applied to BS last year and she is at a HADES school. She loves it. I went up this weekend and took her and 2 friends to dinner. One was an international student and one from California. As I walked around the campus. I just thought that there was so much more for her at BS than our local school. I am sure if your daughter is accepted as a Junior, the school will work very hard at having her feel included. Also, my daughter’s classes have all different grades in them except for the core classes, as some kids are repeats, etc. Schedule some interviews. All the schools are very different and she will be able to assess her options. Good luck.</p>
<p>It’s fine to change schools to change the social scene. I think the merits of gritting one’s teeth and enduring are overrated, particularly for girls. I also believe that a number of students change high schools for that very reason every year. As a sophomore at a peer private school, there won’t be any need to guess at her intellectual level, as there would be were she in 8th grade.</p>
<p>Your daughter may prefer to repeat sophomore year, to spend three years at her new school, rather than two. I assume that at Andover or Exeter, this wouldn’t really be an issue, as they seem to add students at all grade levels.</p>
<p>I agree with you, and in fact, I think a change in social group is one of the best reasons to go to boarding school. For kids from disadvantaged backgrounds, they want a peer group where everyone has their sites on college. For kids from a upper middle class background, sometimes getting away from the old crowd and starting fresh can be very liberating and wonderful for a student. I don’t look at it as running away at all—just moving onward and upward!</p>
<p>And I agree that things are just more complicated with girls. In the end, we all want our kids to be healthy and happy. A new school environment and new opportunities is often the answer.</p>
<p>^^^ agreed.
As a 14 year old girl in high school, it can be rough when your social circles start changing. There is a lot of catty comments and bullying. You feel horrible and no one seems to like you. You sit alone or with people you hardly know at lunch. I went through the whole social circle change in 7th grade and it was horrible. I was constantly made fun of, sat alone at lunch, and only a few people talked to me. It seemed everyone had found their niche but me. But things got better, no I have an awesome group of friends, but i am still recovering from the bullying that went on when I was in middle school. I still have girls whispering behind my back, telling people not to be friends with me, or making fun of my hair. Girls are drama, and no matter how much you say it shouldn’t hurt, it does. I think that is an absolutely valid reason to go to boarding school. And as a parent, you may or may not know the whole story. Its hard to tell parents when they want to help when really not much can.</p>