<p>The parents earn $600k in NY and they send “his” kid to a public school…but send the child they have together to private. Sounds like a Cinderella story to me and they provided a roof and little else.</p>
<p>The weird thing is if the mom had lived, the student probably could sue her dad for college support.</p>
<p>If there were a way to potentially embarrass this well-heeled NYC atty amongst his colleagues, I’d pursue that. Try going to one of his arch-rivals in the legal world and see if they’ll help you.</p>
<p>“The parents earn $600k in NY and they send “his” kid to a public school…but send the child they have together to private.” </p>
<p>This does sound really weird. A dad earning that kind of $ in NYC is going to be a partner at a top firm. They don’t normally send their kids to public. There is something really wrong here. </p>
<p>OP, how long have you lived with dad and stepmom? And were you in private school before this? If so, what happened? </p>
<p>Fwiw, I do know a case of a kid-- in NY-- who was on his own in high school and went off to an Ivy after being declared emancipated-- but there was abuse involved. To disclose even more, the story didn’t end well. The kid had a lot of psych issues because of all the trauma-- which is why I think if those are the kinds of issues that are involved, then getting this kid into a supportive environment (with relatives) is paramount.</p>
<p>None of us here know the full story. As a mom for 30 years now, with 5 kids who are teens and young adults, I have seen variations on this theme many, many times. I even have friends who can be cast in various roles in this scene. Yes, it is possible that dad and stepmom are evil, evil creatures who just want to be rid of OP. And OP can sue them and get her college education and support. Usually, it’s a lot more complicated than that. </p>
<p>OP does not mention whether s/he has a list of school to which s/he has applied and has been accepted. OP says counselor at school is aware of problems with parents and has not had any comments or suggestions. OP voluntarily left in the middle of second semester senior year and is now living in an apartment and supporting self. No mention of abuse and danger here either. </p>
<p>OP needs to talk to school counselor and social services and legal services to see what options s/he has. That Dad is an attorney means that he unless he is flagrently doing wrong, he will take care of any law suits without merit handily, very likely IMO. </p>
<p>I am sorry for the OP. Many kids think they truly have certain rights regarding college and support, which they do, but in very narrow terms. The good hearted friend’s parents who gave you the money to move out, may have helped quash your case. If you were living at your dad’s place, you would have a much stronger case as you can see from reading the what the law says. You just played right into the hands of your parents by moving out. You sure showed them. You have no idea what you are doing and you do need advice from people who do and who can get the whole story, not some internet board. </p>
<p>A close friend of mine is a step mom in a case like this, and, yes all of her kids go to private school and the step daughter does not. But there are often reasons for these situations. When step daughter wanted to go to college, the demands were not reasonable and the young woman would not listen to anything the dad and step mom had to say. Her behaviour also made her undesirable to be around. Unfortunately in that case, the girl did not make contact with Dad and stepmom until late high school years, and so the usual bonds were just not here, though in this case the parents were willing to do the right thing but with stipulations that they were certainly allowed to make.</p>
<p>Yes, well, as we do for parental posters on CC, I choose to believe the post and respond accordingly. Also, there is no reason to not believe her, since we only give her advice based on her posts, which isn’t even applicable if her posts are untrue.</p>
<p>I also dont automatically believe parents have the best interests of their kids in mind. We have far too much evidence that is not the case to be the automatic assumption.</p>
<p>Good luck to the OP. Even just trying to figure this out without her mother at this age is bad enough. Let’s just start with that.</p>
<p>In the meantime, get legal counsel where you can, and get emancipated.</p>
<p>Re: cpt’s post, I also wonder if there were behavioral problems. </p>
<p>I honestly think the first solution is to try to fix things with dad. Maybe dad thinks OP needs to work to get some perspective. Maybe OP can work out a deal where, after a year of work, dad will match college funds? This OP is commuting distance to a lot of wonderful schools-- if matters at home can be fixed.</p>
<p>Parents could be evil… but there might be a lot more here.</p>
<p>Her school counselor has set her up for free lunch and free breakfast. Do we really believe she has no adult advice.</p>
<p>What if the part she isn’t telling us isn’t in the parent’s favor, but is even WORSE than she is saying?</p>
<p>That would be what I would think, not the other way around, given that we do have some adult involvement here, familiar with the situation. Just sayin’. Perhaps she prefers not to say why the family friend and the school counselor would assist her in living apart from her father on the internet, but needs some advice vis-a-vis how to pay for school.</p>
<p>Just a thought. Be careful about digging too far. Sometimes what is underneath is not an “irrational kid” but a really bad story. I mean, honestly, does anyone have any idea how incredibly cruel parents have to be for kids to actually leave like this? It’s not imaginable to some of us, but it IS real. It does exist.</p>
<p>I’m no expert on the laws of NY, but it sounds like this child may have made a big mistake by moving out of her father’s house. Another person commented that NY law requires a parent to support a child until age 21, unless they are considered “emancipated”. If this kid is living on her own and working as claimed, then the law will probably consider her to be emancipated, and that means she’s out of luck when it comes to any legal action. Would it be possible for her to move back into her father’s home - it sounds like she hasn’t been gone too long - and reestablish the parental bond? Some parents want their children to work for their education, and I can understand that. But it does bother me some that a parent would refuse to help file the FAFSA, since some schools seem to want it for ANY and ALL aid.</p>
<p>As some have pointed out, there may be more to the story. It appears that the father is “punishing” this kid for some reason. I agree that on the surface he appears horrible, but one has to wonder if the child has been disrespectul and generally underserving. Who knows.</p>
<p>I don’t understand this constant reflex to blame the victim… If someone has information that can help the OP get emancipated, or somehow force her parents to support her, then that information should be divulged. </p>
<p>Everything she’s told us is already extremely personal, and the constant musings that surely somehow all of this is her fault are just rude… From what I can tell, this is a 17 year old girl with decent stats, who’s likely had her dreams of going to college close to crushed. I agree with above posters that we’re only giving her advice based on the information she’s provided, so if she lied at any point the advise is therefor moot anyway. </p>
<p>Also, I stand by my earlier point that a dependency override MAY be an option for her with a compassionate financial aid officer. </p>
<p>OP, I suggest you speak to financial aid officers with the updated info that you 1. Lived with someone other than your parents briefly before getting your own apartment. (Which may qualify you as at risk-youth for homelessness, thereby emancipating you. You will need your counselor’s help with that though). 2. Also update them on the fact that you’re self-supporting now. As everyone seems to point out, NY defines you as emancipated currently. 3. File the FAFSA as an emancipated minor, just to get that information to the schools. 4. DO THIS ALL NOW. MAY 1st. IS COMING SOON.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, but show me a teenager who isn’t, at least occasionally, disrespectful. The parent’s job is to care for the kid, whether the kid “deserves” it or not. None of us knows how much of a terror the OP is . . . but since quite a few adults outside her family have stepped forward to help her, that says something about her character.</p>
<p>^^ Well I’ll make sure from now on to phrase everything correctly and put a disclaimer on the bottom. I guess the same is for financial advice that people offer here? I just dislike the misinformation posted repeatedly that a child does not have equal rights because the parents were not married, or that a child does not get tuition while living in a state that mandates it because the parents signed a divorce decree ages ago, or that child support stops at 18 at all states. People should be made aware of what the current statutes say. That’s not legal advice. Neither is stating how much the web calculator produces for the child support an individual will get. Anyone can go on the state DSS worksheet and plug in income to multiply 17% of 500k.</p>
<p>it sounds like this student lost her mom when she was quite young…maybe even before she was in school. It doesn’t sound like she was ever sent to a private school…and I doubt the dad only recently began earning the big bucks. this just sounds like a situation where the mom died, the dad was given custody, and he did the minimum…maybe to keep the new wife happy? The whole thing stinks. He should be embarrassed in his social and professional circle.</p>
<p>By the way, despite having many extremely underperforming public schools, NYC has several excellent public high schools. Plenty of parents earning over $600,000 are proud to send their kids to Stuyvesant, Bard, etc. it’s absolutely not unheard of. What would be unheard if is such a family sending its child to a school not of that ilk. PS $600,000 is not big time money in NYC, not even close.</p>
<p>I’ve just seen this same scene so many times. She needs to see professionals who an assess her situations. This is way beyond what an internet board can advise, and the wrong advice can cause more harm than good.</p>
<p>redpoint, I’m well aware of the better publics in NY and, while it’s a possibility, those test scores didn’t scream Stuy to me (math was lowish for Stuy I thought-- maybe Bard-- but then this kid would have 2 years of college under her/his belt-- maybe another strong reading/writing school). But my primary reason to ask was because if dad was paying for private school, then I think it would be hard to make a case that there is no support. That’s not the case but, yes, it’s interesting that the OP is attending a public. Oh, and $600K is decent enough money-- even in NYC-- to put something away for college. </p>
<p>I posted about different situations I am personally aware of-- depending on what’s really going on. If this is over an argument or some disciplinary issue, the best answer might be to get an intermediary and mend the fence. If the dad is truly a jerk, I do know of a case where someone won a lawsuit-- but it was a divorce and the kid wasn’t against a NYC attorney. And if there is abuse involved, I do believe that getting the OP into a healthy environment, perhaps with relatives, might be better than living on one’s own without any financial support at 18yo. Really, the facts behind the story make all the difference in the world.</p>
<p>Op could be a student at Laguardia. Just because the scores don’t scream Stuyvesant, doesn’t mean that the student cannot and does not attend a specialized HS. How many times have we seen right here on CC parents talking about their kids whose grades/abilities are not aligned with their scores? </p>
<p>The down side for OP, is because she over 17.5 years old, even if there were a situation happening in the home ACS would likely not step in because of her age. That is not to say the GC has not given her referrals to places such as the Door (where OP said that she has gone) or a referral to other agencies to self student in her situation. IF Op really wants to know what her rights are, she can simply go to the family court and speak with the people in the support collection unit. Her filing for child support through the court, even if she gets no money, however will give her documentation from the courts, along with documentation from professionals at her school (GC/Social worker) that she would be able to use as proof of the dissolution of her family.</p>
<p>I just want to chime in and thank Anna and sybbie for the information they posted about the statutes that apply (possibly) to this case, despite the flak. Sharing information with people that may be germane to a situation is exactly the most useful aspect of the cc community. While it’s tempting to try to fill in the blanks of a story like this or to attempt to rationalize the parents behavior, at the end of the day it’s more important to attempt to assist and guide a student in a tough spot.</p>
<p>OP, if you’re still reading, it seems you have two possible courses before you.</p>
<p>On one hand, that statute suggests that if you move home now and make some effort to mend the relationship you could then pursue legal support. If you choose this route, seek advice and support from the agencies mentioned, your gc, and your friend’s parents. It might be tough, but I suspect you’d have grounds for support.</p>
<p>The other route would be to explore emancipation per the fafsa guidelines as a minor at risk of homelessness, which might well describe your situation.</p>
<p>IMHO, support from your father would be preferable, and if successful, would leave you in a better place to focus on your college studies. If you can lay out the facts rationally without getting outwardly overly emotional, he might well agree to some kind of compromise which avoids legal exposure.</p>
<p>Time is of the essence in both scenarios. Please keep us posted on your progress.</p>