Depression, Bipolar, Parents, and College choices

<p>Well to start off, I've been diagnosed with Depression and Bipolar. I've known about it since I was 14, and I've been on medication. It's been under control, and I've finally decided after a year off after graduating HS, I want to start applying to colleges. The colleges I want to apply to are out of state, and NOT where my mother plans to move, which is in Florida or Texas. She wants to control where I would go to college, because that was what happened to her with her parents and she wasn't given a choice.</p>

<p>When I say control, I mean that even though I'm competent enough to be independent, and I have worked and had no problems, my doctor says I'm stable, she plans to use my mental health in any way to keep me with her and to force my hand with my college choices. Instead of places I would want to apply that offer great programs for the major I want, or scholarships, they would be colleges that she wants me to be at, regardless of my opinion.</p>

<p>I was just wondering, I don't know if any of you know anything with this type of thing, but is she able to completely control where I would apply and attend college if/when I got accepted? I understand her concerns about being near family, which I wouldn't be very far, but I'm just curious if its right to control your child's college choice just because the parent doesn't want to lose that control that they had once the child goes to school.</p>

<p>While it may not be considered right or fair, if she is paying for college, she can force your hand however she chooses. She’s not controlling your major or anything, but it is reasonable for her to want you to be at home. It may be financial (out of state tuition can be a killer) or just that she wants to see you safe. Have a talk with her. Tell her why you want to go to these schools and ask why she would like you to be close to home. You could even explore options of transferring. You could spend a semester or year or so at a college close to home and prove yourself by getting good grades and getting involved so that she can see that you’re ready to be at the school you want.</p>

<p>As a parent of a child with those diagnoses, I understand the parental point of view. Because DS is doing very well 4 hours from home, I also understand your perspective.</p>

<p>I’m guessing that your mother is operating from a place of concern for you. Since she controls the finances, she does in fact have the right to choose for you, as avita01 noted above. However, I wonder if you can do more things to show her you are able to take responsibility for yourself. Do you remember to take your own medications on a regular basis? Do you have a job that you are always on time for and that you have held down for a period of time? Do you do your own laundry? If you have a car, do you care for it, including initiating getting the oil changed when necessary, etc? Are you responsible with money? Are you proactive in managing your bipolar disorder, including making your own doctor appointments and going on time?</p>

<p>Ask your mother what it would take to prove to her you are ready to be farther away from home. Then do it. Take away the reasons for her objections by proving you are ready to be independent. Good luck.</p>