<p>rise
brush
rinse
wash
eat
go</p>
<p>these are the motions of life
and somewhere between them
is the motions of her
tucked between the second she reaches
and the next she answers the phone</p>
<p>hidden behind her eyes
she smiles
but her essence is not truly there</p>
<p>in fantasies she lives
and in a nightmare she stays</p>
<p>shattered
and scared</p>
<p>her heart is hidden,
broken </p>
<p>tragically ireparable
for you are broken too</p>
<p>what? "is the motions"? shouldnt it be "are the motions". "ireparable" should have two r's. yeah well as you can tell i'm not a poetry person. i've written some, but it sucks. but i guess your's is a nice poem. i dunno. i'm definitely not one to judge.</p>
<p>I like the concept, but I don't quite see the significance of the motions. (Why brush, rinse, and wash? A bit repetitive.) Also, some of the wording is a bit cliche. "Hidden behind her eyes," fantasies/nightmares, and especially the word tragic (and all derivatives thereof) are all in probably 2/3 of teenage poems, and 99/100ths of teenage poetry posted online. Rephrasing it would make it a lot better, although I do like it as it is. Also, the word is "depressing," not "depressive."</p>
<p>(i think it's a joke)</p>
<p>((i'm sorry in advance if it's not))</p>
<p>trust to have ur poem butchered on a cc forum... w/e, i dont even know why i bother trying to defend my poem...</p>
<p>I just absolutely love when people are unconscious of their hypocrisy...</p>
<p>brush rinse, wash.... they were meant to be repetitive, to show the redundancy of life...and btw the word is cliched, not cliche.</p>
<p>and, the word depressive does exist, and to my knowledge- limited as it may be- it was can be used in the context in which I used it
<a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=depressive%5B/url%5D">http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=depressive</a> </p>
<p>also, it was a random act... not a joke... but thats ok, it was poorly written. my god what was i thinking just writing to express myself?</p>
<p>Depressing is the correct word, not depressive. Depressive means tends to depress easily, that is, exhibits tendencies of depression. Depressing is a state where depression is inflicted upon another -- therefore making a work * depressing. *</p>
<p>well thats if you dont see the poem as tending to depress you easily...</p>
<p>depressive, as i used it, is an adj, which means that it has the ability to modify a noun... a work <em>can</em> be depressing, but it can <em>also</em> be depressive. In fact, they are synonymous (sp?)</p>
<p><a href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/depressing%5B/url%5D">http://www.thefreedictionary.com/depressing</a></p>