Did you ever suggest your kids should seek degrees that would offer better paying jobs?

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Sweet story - Rainbow room waiter given standing ovation at luncheon for Tony nominees as daughter is a Tony nominee.

When Emilio Sosa, who was helping preside over the ceremony as chairman of the American Theater Wing, got up for the routine recitation of the names of honorees, he paused at Kara Young. He noted that her father was present — as it happened, he was getting a Diet Coke for a celebrant — and had worked there for years. The celebrants rose to their feet.

“The whole room just lost it,” Sosa said. “To see her coming full circle, from a little girl watching him serve, and he had worked this luncheon for years, to having his daughter be a nominee was just one of those once-in-a-lifetime moments. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room.”

Among those moved to tears: Kara Young, who as a little girl on special occasions had come to the Rainbow Room with her father, taking in the sweeping views and dancing with him on the rotating floor.

“I know that job has put food on our table and has given us a really beautiful life,” Kara Young said later. “He’s such an honorable man, and for him to get a standing ovation was the most unexpected moment ever.”

Klay Young, who had been serving chicken paillard and arranging coffee cups at the lunch, was stunned. “Oh my goodness,” he said later. “I had to pause for a second. I looked at her. She looked at me. It was riveting. I could not say anything but ‘gratitude.’ And there were silent tears of joy coming down my face.”

Sosa, a costume designer who immigrated to New York from the Dominican Republic and whose parents were janitors and factory workers, said he recognized the emotional power of the moment as soon as he realized the coincidence.

“A lot of times, when young people say they want to be artists, the first thing they get is pushback about how they’re going to earn a living,” Sosa said. “So the pride in this man’s eyes really touched me. And I could not let that moment pass.”

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We never directly told our kids they had to or should make choices with the goal of a better paying job. Like many here we told them they needed to plan on being self-supporting for their desired lifestyle.

That said, the title of this thread is “Did you ever suggest your kids should seek degrees that would offer better paying jobs?”… and the more I think about it, the more I think we maybe(?) did.

My husband and I have talked about “life” with our children from a very early age. We talked openly about many things. It could be something in the news, something extended family members were going through, something their grandparents experienced, what we were doing when we were their age (good and bad), how things have changed, something in a book…you get the idea.

Anyway, as parents we’ve also freely shared our experiences and the choices we’ve made. We retired very early, but come from very humble backgrounds. So naturally, we’ve discussed topics concerning careers, salaries, earning potential, work/life balance, etc.

We were also lucky we raised our kids near extended family. Their cousins were all within 10 yrs of age of each other and a 10-30 minute drive. Our kids are at the younger end so they watched and learned from the older ones. We had expensive out-of-state private to in-state directional universities covered. The cousins majored in English, Biology, History, engineering, communications, psychology…no fine art majors, but 3 did university-level marching band all 4 yrs…and one did a D1 sport. We talked. We shared our experiences.

Does this mean we were making a suggestion to pursue a degree with perceived higher earning potential? If yes, we’re guilty.

Edited to add: No regrets.

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One of my kids did a teaching program (TFA, City Year etc) which consisted of kids from lots of schools and non-education majors: biology, chemistry, history, sociology, psychology, political science, etc. The salary was on the local city pay scale and depending on where you worked, wasn’t too low.

Most of these young adults moved on to various graduate programs or companies: financial institutions, medical school, PA programs, education policy masters, law school, etc.

Your major doesn’t define your career. It is often a stepping stone, and I would not discourage a particular major. I would, as noted, remind them that the goal is to be self supportive….and happy.

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I suspect the issue for some people is how easy it is to see a direct path from a major to a job/career. (Of course, not everyone takes that obvious path, but likely the vast majority do, at least to start.)

Engineering major ==> Engineer
History major ==> ???

It seems to me that people who have better knowledge of how a humanities major, for example, could find their way into a well paying career in business, for example (though not necessarily with the very first job), are more comfortable with their children choosing those sorts of majors. And likewise, students with parents or other mentors who can offer guidance on the steps to take (i.e. skills and work experience to develop outside the classroom), might be more comfortable choosing that type of major, rather than feeling compelled to choose a “clear-cut” major.

As for myself, I’ve known too many people, at all stages of my life and all stages of theirs, from different (often meager) economic backgrounds, who’ve been quite successful with “impractical” college degrees, to want to steer a young person based on perceived financial or security reasons. Anecdotes all, yes, but in sufficient numbers for me to be comfortable making decisions based on them.

In the end, one size does not fit all, and certainly any parent paying for a college education can put whatever conditions on it they wish.

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Certainly parents who are in a position to offer their children jobs directly through connections are less concerned about the choice of major, just as those with trust funds are less concerned with being self supporting.

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Well, yeah, people with connections and trust funds have it easier than the rest of us working shmucks. :slightly_smiling_face:

Of the many anecdotes I was alluding to, not a single person got their start through connections. And I personally have never known anyone with a trust fund. YMMV.

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People with money/connections have always had an advantage. H and I had neither of those when I started out and that’s the way it was. No point begrudging those who do.

I’m sure I will get flamed but…H and I are now in the position to help our kids and we do. But that is our choice and really not anyone else’s. It is also not my business if other people help their own kids.

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College graduates of all majors could go in the following career directions:

  1. Career directions where the major is relevant, related, or required (if required, usually because of professional certification or licensing).
  2. Career directions which are major agnostic.

Obviously, if the career directions of interest are in category 1, then it is best to study a relevant major (but probably not more specialized than necessary).

If the career directions of interest are in category 2, than any college major is ok, although an obviously preprofessional major (especially a highly specialized one) may send the wrong signal to employers when applying to major agnostic jobs.

Note that professional graduate school is often very expensive, with much less financial aid other than loans available. So, for career directions in category 1 where a relevant bachelor’s degree is sufficient to enter the field, the path of doing some other bachelor’s degree and then a professional degree later could be much more expensive than doing the relevant bachelor’s degree in the first place.

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I don’t think careers come in the neat categories that define some of these choices. Certainly a history major can teach, work in a historical organization, go to grad school, work in government or political campaigns etc. But many jobs ask for a BA without specifying, and want good writing, research and analytical skills. History majors can also go to law, business, medical or nursing school. Med school would require prerequ’s or post-bacc.

I think the preprofessional undergrad programs provide certainty about the future, financially, and a direct line to a career. Humanities majors may “wander” some before they find their niche. The outcome may be just as good. In these days of high tuition, debt, high rents, and inflation in general, that intermediary phase of finding the best career may not be tolerable for some.

When discussing career options, I think it is helpful to look at job listings, even craigslist, Linked in etc… Sites I have looked at also include hireculture.org and Jobs - NYFA. Historic New England also has jobs Career Opportunities at Historic New England. I know one young woman who majored in history, got a master’s in preservation, and makes a living managing restoration of steeples.

My nephew majored in history. He has had a really good job at the state house and is now going to law school.

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Teaching history and working in a historical organization are certainly major related career directions for a history major.

These other directions would be the major agnostic ones where graduates from any major can compete for jobs (or professional school admissions) in.

That is likely why majors which are seen as having fewer major related job and career prospects are less common at colleges which are less selective and/or populated more by students from lower SES families. I.e. where students are unlikely to be able to lean on the college’s prestige to get better major agnostic employment or have family able to help support the student during the intermediary phase you mention.

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Well…duh! But please understand that there are LOTS of parents like myself who provided no funds after college and no connections to our kids’ careers. These kids still were successful in their chosen career fields and obtained their jobs through their own initiative and talents.

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I found this interesting.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ApplyingToCollege/comments/uxjlvj/what_no_one_tells_you_about_harvard_as_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

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@ucbalumnus OK, but what about those whose undergraduate majors are professional degree programs in the arts? These can lead to work directly in their chosen profession. Some here are against their kids pursuing such degrees. And if they don’t pursue that profession long term, it doesn’t mean that that is the only field they can work in either.

Not everyone cares about being rich. If you can be self-supporting and loving your work, what else matters?

I am an independent college counselor. One of my seniors this year, in writing why he wanted to be pre-med and become a doctor, literally gave the reason that it would afford the life-style he grew up with (Dad is a Dr.)! Nothing about passion for this kind of work.

I’m into pursuing ones genuine interests.

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Few doctors I know are passionate about their work anymore. Actually, most people I know work because they have to do so, and vary between tolerating to mildly liking their job. That’s ok. Jobs do not need to provide all your emotional fulfillment, and it is often better to expect that they will not. That is why you are paid.

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@roycroftmom Lots of people are not passionate about their work and it is merely a way to earn money. And that’s too bad, unless they are satisfied doing that day in and day out. I gotta say, I am 100% sure my two adult daughters love the work they are doing. They are doing exactly what they dreamed of doing. They may not be rich, but they are doing well and own their own places in Manhattan (not a cheap place to live), go on vacations, etc.

Their jobs do not provide “all their emotional fulfillment” either. It is not an either/or situation. Both are happily married and so on.

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It is actually the last few posts that have finally created an Aha moment for me in that they have truly made me understand the difference in perspectives of posters. I have always thought of higher education as a path to self-sufficiency and financial security, of course. But I have also thought of education as a way to open doors to finding careers that are enjoyable.

Note, one of my kids has said that he doesn’t really care about liking his job. He says that he wants to find a very high paid career (whether or not he likes it), save, and retire early with lots of cash in the bank and the freedom to do what he pleases. Since he knows that I care about making a positive contribution to one’s community, he humors me by saying that once he is rich, he’ll donate lots of his money. My other kids are more like me in that they aren’t aiming to be rich. They want careers that dive into their areas of passion.

But that kid is probably the outlier in my family. Personally, I can’t imagine deliberately choosing a job that I didn’t love most days. Getting paid is consolation for the days that I don’t feel like working, but most days, I actively enjoy what I do, and some days I truly love it. I want that for my children. I’ve had too many jobs that I don’t like to downplay the importance of finding joy in my work. Not that it has to be complete emotional fulfillment. I enjoy things outside of work as well, but I do like having jobs that are meaningful, interesting (challenging), and fun.

Obviously, I know that I have been lucky and privileged in finding such work. I don’t get paid much --and in fact, I am 99% sure that I make less than most posters here. Shrug. I like my job. My family lives well enough to make ends meet. That seems fine to me.

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roycroftmom - I know everyone’s perspectives here are unique. I have to add that I love my current job; my son loves his (after a long journey to get there!) - said he would do it even if not paid; several of my friends really enjoy both the content of their work and the environment (co-workers, etc.). Life is short. Everyone has the opportunities they have, but if afforded the chance - finding work that’s more than tolerable is really key, I think…

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I enjoyed studying engineering, back then I had to take so many classes from other engineering areas, not just EE related, but I didn’t enjoy working/sitting in front of a computer for a long time. I think looking back I would enjoy working as a doctor but the thought of dealing with sick people and blood turned me off completely, so glad both of my kids didn’t aspire to be doctors. But I do have lots of outside interests, thank goodness now that I’m retired and have time to take more art classes, I think I’m better at painting than some kids in my art classes. I like creating things, it doesn’t have to be art even. So if I were to major in art, I would not make a good living, while being a Ho hum engineer isn’t so bad of a choice. I didn’t pick engineering because it’s supposed to be making a lot of money, back then in the 70s, lots of engineers were out of work too, I mean it’s not as sexy as it is today with RSUs, stock options, etc… but I didn’t want to be unemployed either.

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This. My husband and I are both humanities professors (no family money, I’m an immigrant and he is a first gen). We’re very supportive of our daughter’s choice to double major in history and foreign languages, because we’re aware of so many career paths that those majors have led to (without connections). This being said, we aren’t encouraging her to go into academia (even though we’ve done very well, we’re not thrilled with the direction it’s going; but we wouldn’t strongly object, either, if she chose this path). Also, she was considering a double major in history and theater at first and we were fine with it, but I wouldn’t feel super comfortable with just a theater major. She quickly decided, though, that she didn’t want to do a whole major in theater and is just taking the theater courses she’s interested in and participates in plays on campus. We’re not worried about her future at all. But I have some scientist friends who are terrified if their kids think of choosing anything other than engineering, computer sciences or medicine.

To answer the original question, we’d never push our kids to pursue something they’re not interested in. We might have mentioned a History major when our older one developed her passion for history, but I’m pretty sure it was her idea. Her younger sister, still in high school, loves Latin, but is also very good at Math, so we’ll see. The older sister is pushing a Classics major for her :).

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I agree. I love my job, and students often comment on my passion for my subject and for teaching. Of course, there are aspects of the job that I just tolerate (like the administrative stuff, dealing with the university bureaucracy, etc.), so it’s not all idyllic. I knew from early on that I could achieve some success only if I pursue something I’m passionate about. But everyone is different of course.