I think a significant part of this thread IS indeed about parenting. The thread title also implies that. What I have trouble with are parents who state that they will only allow certain majors and not others…deciding for their young adult offspring. There is even a very recent post about “letting” first generation students choose certain majors or not. In my view, as a parent, what my young adult opts to go into is 100% their choice and I hope they do something they are genuinely interested in. It is their life, not mine. Yes, they must support themselves after the gift of their education. As a college counselor, I have some students whose parents will not allow them to pursue the field they are truly the most passionate about in college and am truly sad about that.
Disagree. Going to Harvard doesn’t mean anything if you’re a humanities major with little to no connections/social capital/professional network (as is the case for some FGLI students).
Sad story. BUT the issue was having a child early out of college without having landed a job and not the Romance language major from Dartmouth.
The title was also misleading. She was a high school valedictorian not Dartmouth val (is there such a thing?)
We don’t know her grades at Dartmouth.
Maybe it’s because these parents have felt the painful, tangible struggle of not being able to pay the bills that pushes them in this direction? Your judgement is dripping with condescension.
For sure having the kid made things much harder. But let’s not pretend that graduating from Dartmouth with no job offers wasn’t also a compounding factor.
I couldn’t find the part of the article that said she had any interest in nursing or health related occupations. Nursing is a wonderful profession for those who have the interest/skill set for that work but it’s not a “default” career for anyone.
I am all for supporting my kids in whatever they want to do, but it is quite another thing to say that they make fully rational/informed decisions at 18 and that parents are supposed to step back and do nothing to help guide is just unrealistic.
Most FGLI students lack, as the article points out, the" luxury to drift" that her romance studies degree assumed.
I don’t think I ever said this. But my point is that for FGLI students, their parents can’t give them this sort of guidance.
I am not saying you said this :-). I was just adding to your post. And in the case of FGLI students the school should guide them better. It is a failing on the part of Brown I think.
That wasn’t great, but a lot of grads take time to find jobs. It’s also possible that her last year she was preoccupied with the DR boyfriend and getting him to the US instead of job hunt.
I have no doubt that if she were UMC out of Dartmouth, she would have landed something. Paralegal, TFA
First, SOME of the parents on this thread who will not support their kids choosing any major in the humanities or the arts, don’t come across as low income or struggling to pay the bills. They want their child to go into certain high paying fields. The parents of a few of my clients who won’t allow their kids to go into certain majors their teen TRULY wants are not struggling financially (they could not afford a private college counselor if so, and these parents do not qualify for need based aid either).
In terms of “condescension,” I simply feel sorry for young adults whose parents do not support their college choices. If you are worried about “condescension” on this thread, there is plenty of it for kids seeking the arts or humanities in college! Early in the thread, there was mention that such parents who “LET” their kids go into the arts must be wealthy. Well, my kids chose their majors and I’m not wealthy and actually they qualified for need based aid.
DH is in one of the fields you mentioned. He and all of his friends frequently remark how the field is overrun with the children of the wealthy, as well as the (mostly) negative effects this has on the field at large. It’s sad that only the children of the wealthy can afford to go into the arts and arts-adjacent fields, but that explains why so much of our current mainstream artistic landscape leaves… much to be desired.
FGLI Williams grad (homeless, mental illness).
Wow I know a lot of people in these fields, including my own offspring, who do NOT have wealthy parents! Simply, their parents supported their going after their passions and interests! Besides my own kids, speaking personally now, their spouses are also in these fields, and neither come from wealth…one was only allowed to attend her state public for undergrad.
Has it occured to you that maybe parents know their children better after spending 18 years with them than you do as a college counselor brought in for a very limited time? Parents may know that their child’s passion for musical theatre is not matched by any great ability at it. Or that their child will not do well with a more free-flowing career that lacks structure-not everyone has initiative or creativity to seek out various means of financial support. Or maybe the kid just expects an affluent lifestyle without realizing what that costs. Regardless, most parents do have their children’s best interests in mind, and since you are not offering to support the kids yourself, are due some deference to their knowledge and experience with their kid.
Ding ding ding…
The arts and music scenes in my area are overrun with the children of the wealthy, and pretty much anyone working in those fields are willing to admit this phenomenon (even if there are a few exceptions, like your kids)
As to your point that the parent knows their kid doesn’t have great ability in their field of passion…I don’t see that with the parents who won’t allow their kid to pursue it. I can think of one client right now who is very talented in art, has won awards, and a full scholarship to an art college’s summer program, but her parent says this field is not an option. Another client is very strong at creative writing and art, but the parent wants a STEM field, and the parent would admit their kid is good in these arts fields. Actually, I have another client whose daughter wants to go into musical theater and they admit their D might not have the talent to make it but they want to support her interests anyway (MIT grad degree parents, dad works at MIT in fact).
The reason most parents I know who WON’T support their child pursuing the arts is the concern they won’t make enough money.
By the way, in my profession, I support whatever the family wants. It is their decision, not mine. I was just commenting here that I feel sorry for kids who are not permitted to follow their genuine interests, no matter what those may be. I say that only to myself with my parent hat on as my kids had no restrictions in terms of majors or careers. It never occurred to me to have a say in that.
I wasn’t speaking of my geographic area. However, if I had been, my kids grew up in rural Vermont and I know many kids who pursued the arts in college and their parents were low or middle income!! I now live in NYC. While I don’t know many people in this community, I DO know my daughter’s cohorts in theater and music, many of whom are making it at a high level…a number of them were her classmates in college or went to her summer theater camp, and many she met later on. Quite a number of them come from humble backgrounds! I have a friend whose son is in the Broadway show that won the Tony for Best Musical last night, and his mom, my friend, is a middle school teacher. My D’s close friend and former college classmate won a Tony award for Best Actress in a Musical in recent years and her father is a gym teacher. Look at some of the Tony winners last night and their backgrounds. Ariana DeBose who hosted the Tonys last night…her mom is a teacher. Look at Lynn Nottage…has won the Pullitzer and was nominated for the Tonys last night as the playwright for two shows, Clydes and MJ. Her mother was a schoolteacher and principal; her father was a child psychologist.The people winning Tonys are not nearly all from wealth.