She starts at the end of the month but after a couple of tours, and a day just on and around campus, and the info sessions, and an overnight, and the way they and current students have reached out to her yes me and my wife are very happy with her choice.
Colleges within a 200 mile radius of our home offering her intended major shaped her list. She crossed off some great schools that just weren’t a fit for her that may be perfect for her younger sisters when they start their searches.
Of all the places we visited Haverford would have been my choice but it’s not me going to college (I wish). She loved it too but she loves her final choice more.
Yes, my D’s only applied to colleges they would be happy attending and we would be happy they attend. They might not have been super excited if they had only gotten into their safeties but would have been fine going to them with lots of merit money.
Older D is at a small LAC where younger D would feel stifled and bored. Younger D will be going to a large, spirited school where older D would feel lost. Both very different schools yet good fits for each of them.
@intparent older D is at at school near where your D2 went. I agree with you. I love visiting and spending time in the area. She’s getting ready to go abroad so won’t be back until January.
I liked all the schools S17 applied to. I was surprised when he picked Rowan (where my husband & I went); I loved 2 of the LACs (Lycoming in PA and Castleton in VT) but S17 deemed them too small. In hindsight, he made the right pick. He thrived his freshman year, and is looking forward to going back.
There is a big temptation to live your kid’s life for them when you’re looking at schools. It’s easy to investigate a college and think that your kid would love it there while subconsciously substituting yourself for your kid. I know I caught myself doing this several times. I loved some colleges less than they deserved because I had visions of going back in time and attending other colleges.
It’s tough to clear away the cotton candy of nostalgia and old dreams, and look honestly at your kid and honestly at yourself. But once I did that and stopped trying to live his life for him, I started to love his choices more.
1 went to a school that was a perfect fit. For his girlfriend. Grrrr. It's actually a good school where he will be happy and successful. But I think he would have expanded his horizons more and become a more successful and well rounded adult at the school that had been his #1 choice before she decided to go somewhere else and he followed.
2 was an athletic recruit. Given that we were trying to match both the academic and athletic side, there was only one school that was a perfect fit on both ends. Luckily, S and more importantly the coach agreed and that is where he is going.
Yes! I liked all the schools my daughter applied to, and would have been happy if she chose any of them. It was pretty convenient that all three of us (me, my husband, and the kiddo) came away from most tours with fairly similar impressions.
Of course, we had some differences in opinions too. But now that she is about to start her second year at her chosen college after an amazing first year, we all couldn’t be more pleased!
We were not thrilled at first about D’s school. Too far from home, long winters, gritty local town. Two years later I can say I LOVE her school!! She has learned so much and had opportunities that I don’t think would have been available to her if she had stayed in our home state. I will miss it when she graduates.
We also liked all of the schools our two kids applied to (and there was very little overlap). We were extremely happy with both of their final choices. They each had wonderful college experiences so at least in our cases going through the process worked.
We have 3 in college. We, at least, liked most of their application choices (husband had one for one DD that he didn’t think was a good fit.) However, we love all the schools they attend. They’re happy and thriving. That’s all we could want for them.
My kids are still in HS, but here’s a story from when I attended college… I initially attended a 14,000 enrollment school and quickly decided it was too big and wanted to transfer to a small school (1,400). When I told my parents over Thanksgiving break Freshman year that I wanted to transfer, the conversation went like this:
Me: “I’m thinking I’d like to transfer”
Dad: “I knew you shouldn’t have gone there”
Me: “Thanks dad, why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
Dad: “It was your choice to make, not mine, and I didn’t want to influence your decision.”
I’m still torn 30 years later whether this was a positive or negative approach. Part of me agrees 100% that kids should make their own decision. Another part of me thinks he should have at least shared his thoughts for my consideration (although at 18 years old there’s no guarantee I would have listened to him anyway).
“I’m still torn 30 years later whether this was a positive or negative approach. Part of me agrees 100% that kids should make their own decision. Another part of me thinks he should have at least shared his thoughts for my consideration”
Possibly there was more to this story, but the way it was described in a couple of sentences - a parent stays totally silent when s/he sees a child making a mistake and only pipes up to say “I told you so” when things go badly would not be my preferred approach. Parents can help a kid think through decisions, consider alternatives, understand potential issues without being domineering or offensive and IMO that’s the preferred approach. It’s possible to assist and ensure even the most independent kid is aware of your thoughts and still let the kid make his/her own decision.
Interesting take. The way I see it, he didn’t know I was “making a mistake”. What if I absolutely loved it and it turned out to be a great decision? See #26 for example. I would hate to be the parent that discourages their kid from doing what they think they’ll like.
In any event, I’m finding I have fairly strong opinions on my D’s search, but she’s not asking my opinion and I’m not offering it. The worst that happens is she chooses incorrectly and then transfers as well. Living with the consequences of your decision is a great learning experience.
By the time kids are 18 there ought to be the ability to have an adult > adult conversation about college choices. I never thought of it as parent > child. I had no problem saying I liked this one because A, B, C and I don’t care for this one because of A, B, C. It’s not “telling” your kid what to do, it’s having a conversation. But passive aggressive people are probably passive aggressive about alot of things and hopefully the kid knows that behavior is and can deal with it.
Well, I never in a million years would have picked the American University of Beirut for kid #2, but he’s thriving there and making great grades (very different from high school). He’s on track to make the dean’s list every semester. If he does, the school will give him almost a full scholarship for grad school! And it’s considered one of the top schools in the Middle East. A bunch of the faculty were trained at top schools in the US.
Depends on the kid. One of mine didn’t want my opinion and it just turned into an argument whenever I tried to talk to him about it. Part of that was my fault, because in his situation I thought (still think) he was making a big mistake. He took a big step down on where he went and what he wants his career trajectory to be to follow a girl. He wasn’t interested in talking about it and thinking it through. In hindsight I wish I had handled it differently.
His younger brother and I spend hours going over the pros and cons of different schools. Ultimately he settled on what was his #1 since probably he was 10 years old, and I think it was the right one. But we had lots of adult conversations about pluses and minuses. It’s all trade offs, nowhere is perfect. And there were points in the decision making process where her had some bad ideas. I phrased it differently but helped him see that.
I do think you should provide some guidance. Let’s face it, at 17 we all had some poorly thought out decisions. Something as important as this shouldn’t be one of them.
My D is a rising senior. She has good stats. We have done some visits and I am getting a understanding of what type of school she wants. They aren’t the schools I would necessarily pick for myself. We won’t let her go to a school that doesn’t meet her future needs. Sadly, I wish money wasn’t an issue and I could tell her to pick whatever school she wanted, but scholarships and cost will play a factor in the choice. I really wish that wasn’t the case.
We definitely had input on the schools DS applied to and will have input on the schools DD applies to. We took a school off DS’s list because it didn’t award merit and we were full pay at $72,000 a year. His top choice was also our top choice. We will see how it goes as he is off in 9 days to start his Freshman year.
We have told DD she cannot apply to one of the schools on her list as we believe it’s financing situation is questionable and the academic rigor is not at the level she needs for pre-med. She had a safety school on her list that we did not think was a good fit. We would have let her apply, but also would have given input that we felt it was not the right choice for her. Fortunately, she came to this conclusion on her own.
Because we are paying for their college, I believe that we have the right to give input and veto if there is a solid reason that the student should attend (not base on our perceived “fit”, but for Finances, Academics etc…).
Yes. Both went to my parent picks. I listened to what they were interested in for a college, and picked out a good value college for them to put on their list. They both ended up going to my pick…one even applied ED.
No. Too many guns.
I’m very happy with where dd will be attending. I didn’t hate any schools she applied to, but for a variety of reasons there were a few I wouldn’t have been thrilled with if she were to have chosen them.
DS just starting his search. I am not a fan of big schools, and the list we put together is made up of small to medium engineering schools. He told me yesterday to throw our state uni on the list. I won’t say anything now, nor will I try to influence him, but I really can’t see him at that type of school. Besides which, it’s a mere 15 minutes away, and I’d rather he experience something new.