different essay

Graduate School
1

<p>too long?</p>

<p>The first time I was asked to help someone with a computer in elementary school inspired in me an interest in modern technology and helping people. This interest progressed to several work positions and the start of an academic career with a focus on computer security. Since then I have worked in a number of increasingly diverse positions and situations, performed contract work around the world, and earned a masters degree in Computer Science.
During my time at the Queensland University of Technology, I engaged in a comprehensive undergraduate study of the four computer science sub-disciplines: data communications, software development, information systems and multimedia applications. I believe my academic and intellectual pursuits are well suited to the wide discipline field of Archaeology, because of its applications in reconstruction, modelling and simulation to help aid in a better understanding of the ancient world.
One important thing I discovered while earning my undergraduate degree is that I had a strong desire and gained joy from teaching people, helping them understand and acquire new knowledge. My desire to help people manifested in the form of a tutoring position being offered by the university, due to the fact that I was able to demonstrate a comprehensive knowledge of the subject. While working as a Teaching Assistant/Peer Mentor in QUT’s General Education Program, specifically with a course titled Object Orientated technology, it was my responsibility to develop curriculum for “mentor sessions”, which accompanied the main course sessions. A significant portion of this year-long course examined the methods and practises of developing software using an object orientated approach, its differences, advantages and disadvantages in both professional and academic contexts. It was vital for the “mentor sessions” to consider and test concepts and understanding.</p>

<p>During my masters of computer science course I had a further introduction to the world of research, having the chance to work on a thesis and be a research assistant in other projects. As of October 2006 my thesis is currently awaiting publication. My thesis discussed the possibility of bringing military grade security to end user computers, in the form of being implemented at the operating system level. Computer security is important for many reasons, and I would like to present this paper at a conference, and bring the ideas within to the attention of corporations able to make a change. Further to leading tutorial groups and teaching, working on my thesis gave me the experience of expressing and testing my own ideas and concepts, something which I would like to continue at the next level.</p>

<p>I have had a strong interest in computer security for a long time, starting with an immature fascination with hackers and a curiosity of the criminal mindset, furthering to developing a complete technology understanding of the relevant technology, with my motivation changing to understand, and protect people, manifesting as professional and academic interests. I have been working on a research thesis for one year, looking at the feasibility and advantages of implementing typically military grade security into more widely used operating systems, in a way which is transparent to the user, so much as it can be.</p>

<p>I have chosen to work in theoretical computer science in order to help improve the current situation of computing security. In this quest, I am guided by two principles, one theoretical and one methodological. First, I will be motivated by the question: "How can computing be made infallibly and undeniably secure?" Second, to answer that question, I must maintain a broad view of Computer Science as a field. I must attack the problem at all levels, from high-level application software to low-level circuit hardware. In my school work and on my own, I have already performed research at many of these levels. As a student, I have prepared myself for work at all these levels by studying mathematics, computer science, electrical engineering and psychology.
My career choices have exposed me to many aspects of computer security design. As an undergraduate, I studied security and object-oriented programming extensively because QUT specialized in the latter and my personal interest in access control models and early advocacy of UNIX and SELinux and similar systems led me to the former. For my undergraduate research, I designed and built secmark, an extensive, interactive performance benchmarking suite used to test the performance impact of implementing different levels of security in applications and operating systems. As SELinux evolved into one of the world's first accessible military grade access control systems, accessible to anyone, I began encouraging other developers to establish interoperable standards for exchanging policies and configurations files to encourage interoperability between these systems.
These experiences have prepared me for graduate school at MIT by focusing my research interests and by developing my project management, writing, and speaking skills. I have learned to organize and lead workshops, supervise students, edit technical specifications and architecture documents, and work through the standardization processes. I have also been responsible for outreach to other communities, including invited talks at AUSCERT, RUXCON, ACISP. My broad involvement with several companies and businesses has also prepared me for my current role writing a series of papers which will hopefully culminate in a book on access control models.
Doctoral study is an opportunity for me to build upon my talents and passion for computer security to help reach my career goals. Many of the best people working in the field of computer security came from industry or industrial research labs and had Ph.D.s, even those who migrated to Internet technology from other fields. That is in itself proof that it requires serious dedication and scholarship to develop perspective on the thicket of interrelated issues facing the constant evolving field information systems security. I want to dedicate myself to this path because I know why I want the degree, because I am prepared for it, and because the research areas available to me match my interests. Working on my PhD will allow me to achieve my dreams and goals, as well as work alongside the people I have admired and been inspired to since I started in this field.
I am excited by the following research opportunities: Secure Processors with professor Srini Devadas, secure wireless network authentication with assistant Professor Dina Katabi; secure network communication with assistant Professor Rob Miller; and SDSI (a Secure Distributed Security Infrastructure) with Professor Rivest. Professor Rivest is someone I have long since admired, one of the legends in the field of computer security, and it would be an honour to have a chance to work alongside him.</p>

<p>My relationships with my professors, my teaching and research experience, and my commitment to interdisciplinary work are formative of my plans to pursue graduate study at MIT. As I work toward my Ph.D, I will surely ask many new questions which will not be answerable immediately. Facing up to this eventuality, I do not consider my Ph.D. a terminal course of study. It is my hope that I will have many subsequent opportunities to continue my quest, to expand the limits of computing security, through post-doctoral research as well as my subsequent career as a computer scientist. In all this work, I am determined to continue attacking problems from many levels, as I have done in the past.
josh2006 is online now</p>

2

<p>Much better than your last draft. Some comments:</p>

<ul>
<li><p>Cut out fluffy, filler sentences like: "want to dedicate myself to this path because I know why I want the degree, because I am prepared for it, and because the research areas available to me match my interests." Nobody wants to read the obvious.</p></li>
<li><p>Your entire last paragraph is pretty much all fluff. Cut it out to make more room for more important stuff, like describing your research.</p></li>
<li><p>Don't kiss up so much to the school and the professors. e.g., "Professor Rivest is someone I have long since admired, one of the legends in the field of computer security, and it would be an honour to have a chance to work alongside him." It sounds unprofessional.</p></li>
<li><p>Don't write so much about your teaching experiences. Mention them briefly, but don't begin your essay with them and don't harp on them too much ... this application should be focused mostly on research.</p></li>
<li><p>Most importantly, write MORE details about your research - what was it, what did you do as part of it, and what results or impact does it have? You spend a lot of time talking about the fact that you did do a bunch of research, but after reading your essay, I didn't know what your research was about at all.</p></li>
<li><p>More specifically, you talk a lot about your master's thesis, but I still have no clue what you did specifically ... write about that more</p></li>
<li><p>Don't start your essay by talking about your childhood, and don't start by talking about teaching either. Talk about research first and foremost, and what you did during and after college, not when you were a little kid.</p></li>
<li><p>"During my time at the Queensland University of Technology, I engaged in a comprehensive undergraduate study of the four computer science sub-disciplines: data communications, software development, information systems and multimedia applications. I believe my academic and intellectual pursuits are well suited to the wide discipline field of Archaeology, because of its applications in reconstruction, modelling and simulation to help aid in a better understanding of the ancient world." - Cut that out, or shorten it significantly. Your transcripts can convey what sorts of classes you took, and if you didn't do research in any of these areas, there's no point in mentioning that you took classes in them. Anyone could say they specialized in certain areas, but if they can't back it up with solid research experience, it doesn't mean much.</p></li>
</ul>

<p>General tips: Cut out more fluff, and focus more on the details on your research.</p>

3

<p>thanks pgbovine,</p>

<p>my only questions is why cut out the teaching stuff, as I was going to apply for either a research assistant or teaching position at mit..., shouldnt i address my teaching experence as well?</p>

<p>i talk about my thesis at the start: My thesis discussed the possibility of bringing military grade security to end user computers, in the form of being implemented at the operating system level.</p>

<p>do you mean i should address it in far more detail?</p>

4

<p>
[quote]
my only questions is why cut out the teaching stuff, as I was going to apply for either a research assistant or teaching position at mit..., shouldnt i address my teaching experence as well?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>You are admitted to graduate schools to do research first and foremost, and to possibly teach as a secondary job. When you apply to be a TA after you get into school, then you can talk about your teaching experience in your TA application. I guess it's okay to address your teaching experience a little bit in this essay, but there's no need to go in so much detail.</p>

<p>
[quote]
i talk about my thesis at the start: My thesis discussed the possibility of bringing military grade security to end user computers, in the form of being implemented at the operating system level.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Yes, you should talk about it in more detail, because think about who is gonna be reading your essay ... professors who are world-renowned researchers in operating systems! You might be able to impress laypeople with that brief description, but professors who are experts in this field won't be impressed because it doesn't contain any actual technical content. You need to mention more details (such as related work in this field), not just mention that one general generic line which sounds like a marketing abstract.</p>

5

<p>im applying for one archeology course at at a different university, the essay of which is in a different thread, obviosuly i cant put ind etails of my research there right? if you have time could you check that essay just below this one?</p>

6

<p>updated in line with your comments, please let me know what you think:</p>

<p>I have had an interest in computing and technology as long as I can recall, in line with an interest in security and helping and keeping people safe. This interest progressed to several work positions and the start of an academic career with a focus on computer security. Since then I have worked in a number of increasingly diverse positions and situations, performed contract work around the world, and earned bachelors and masters degree’s in Computer Science.</p>

<p>One important thing I discovered while earning my undergraduate degree is that I had a strong desire and gained joy from teaching people, helping them understand and acquire new knowledge. My desire to help people manifested in the form of a tutoring position being offered by the university, due to the fact that I was able to demonstrate a comprehensive knowledge of the subject. While working as a Teaching Assistant/Peer Mentor in QUT’s General Education Program, specifically with a course titled Object Orientated technology, it was my responsibility to develop curriculum for “mentor sessions”, which accompanied the main course sessions. A significant portion of this year-long course examined the methods and practises of developing software using an object orientated approach, its differences, advantages and disadvantages in both professional and academic contexts. It was vital for the “mentor sessions” to consider and test concepts and understanding.</p>

<p>During my masters of computer science course I had a further introduction to the world of research, having the chance to work on a thesis and be a research assistant in other projects. As of October 2006 my thesis is currently awaiting publication. My thesis discussed the possibility of bringing military grade security to end user computers, in the form of being implemented at the operating system level. Specifically it looked at mandatory and role based access controls being implemented at the kernel level, and looked at the feasibility of implementing them into a commercial operating system. Potential setbacks such as performance, usability and compatibility with existing software were tested, and an analysis of example systems was conducted. I will be continuing to work on these ideas and present them at a conference, with the goal of drawing attention from corporations in a position to make a change.
My career choices have exposed me to many aspects of computer security design. As an undergraduate, I studied security and object-oriented programming extensively because QUT specialized in the latter and my personal interest in access control models and early advocacy of UNIX and SELinux and similar systems led me to the former. For my undergraduate research, I designed and programmed secmark, an extensive, interactive performance benchmarking suite used to test the performance impact of implementing different levels of security in applications and operating systems. As SELinux evolved into one of the world's first accessible military grade access control systems, accessible to anyone, I began encouraging other developers to establish interoperable standards for exchanging policies and configurations files to encourage interoperability between these systems.</p>

<p>While I was pursuing my academic qualifications I was simultaneously working in the computing industry developing research projects for companies. My duties ranged from designing concepts, looking at previous work done in the relevant areas, to prototypes and implementations ready for mass marketing. Some of the research in the professional world I have been responsible for included the centralizing of home automation technology controlled by sms and gps, allowing the remote control of anything from a vcr to a yacht. This technology is currently entering the mass production stage after being purchased by a company. I was also responsible for leading a team to research the possibility of integrating building alarm systems with video camera footage to detect anomalous movement for implementation as a propriety product. This research initiative was unfortunately abandoned due to cost issues, however the research indicated it was a promising technology.
These experiences have prepared me for graduate school at MIT by focusing my research interests and by developing my project management, writing, and speaking skills. I have learned to organize and lead workshops, supervise students, edit technical specifications and architecture documents, and work through the standardization processes. I have also been responsible for outreach to other communities, including invited talks at AUSCERT, RUXCON and ACISP. My broad involvement with several companies and businesses has also prepared me for my current role writing a series of papers which will hopefully culminate in a book on access control models.
Doctoral study is an opportunity for me to build upon my talents and passion for computer security to help reach my career goals. Many of the best people working in the field of computer security came from industry or industrial research labs and had Ph.D.s, even those who migrated to Internet technology from other fields. That is in itself proof that it requires serious dedication and scholarship to develop perspective on the thicket of interrelated issues facing the constant evolving field information systems security. I want to dedicate myself to this path because I know why I want the degree, because I am prepared for it, and because the research areas available to me match my interests. Working on my PhD will allow me to achieve my dreams and goals, as well as work alongside the people I have admired and been inspired to since I started in this field.
I am excited by the following research opportunities: Secure Processors with professor Srini Devadas, secure wireless network authentication with assistant Professor Dina Katabi; secure network communication with assistant Professor Rob Miller; and SDSI (a Secure Distributed Security Infrastructure) with Professor Rivest which directly relates to my research interests and will help me attain my goal of making computer systems more secure.</p>

7

<p>Excellent job. Much improved :) It reads much better now, and sounds much more professional. Best of luck in the rest of your application!</p>