Divorced parents, share costs?

Parents Forum
21

<p>I think that may be a little harsh Chedva--most likely there was nothing she could have done beyond what she did get--to be honest getting college written into a support agreement AT ALL is voluntary in a lot of states and a competent divorce attorney would never allow a client to sign a financial agreement that had an unknown obligation in the future. If Brooklyn had done that it could have backfired big time on HER--if she had an illness or disability or was supporting parent or something that precluded her from paying her share of "whatever college her son wanted to go to" then she'd be in a mess.</p>

<p>Many states do not even make college part of a support obligation; the ones that do usually restrict it to in state public, like this case. Parents who want to do more can do more, but it is foolish to get something like that cast in stone. There could be perfectly valid reasons neither parent felt the child deserved more than public school: what about a student with a terrible work ethic and crappy grades who felt entitled to go to a very expensive culinary or cosmetology school? Do you think a parent should be legally bound to pay regardless of their concerns about whether it was a wise use of college money?</p>

22

<p>I think it is reasonable for the non custodial parent to continue paying the same amount or a bit more, that they were paying for child support- once child support ends and the * progeny* is enrolled in higher ed.</p>

<p>However- fairly unusual
example both my brothers kids- are having to scrape for college.
They both attend instate public schools- one is attending a community college & working, and the other a university & working two jobs.</p>

<p>My brother has both his retirement from teh service and his income as an electrical engineer. He takes them out to buy their winter coats and splurges for dinner or bribes them to come up and see him, but that is as far as it goes.
Nothing in the divorce decree about tuition.</p>

<p>Kids of divorced parents have no extra pull generally- without a court agreement- than kids of married parents do, to get their parents to pay for an $$$ school</p>

<p>If one parent thinks it is worth it to take the other parent to court to force them to pay more-then that is their right, if that is how they want to spend their time and money.</p>

23

<p>Agreed with Mombot. Where I live, support from the non-custodial parent typically ends when the student reaches the age of 18 or graduates from high school. It is not easy to get any kind of college money put into a divorce decree especially when it is dependent on future earnings. I would think that if there was substantial savings at the time of the divorce, it would be easier (note...not easy...easier) to have some of that money dedicated to college expenses. BUT with inflation and the higher costs of colleges year by year, even THAT would not guarantee the payment of the costs for a college education, especially if that was many years after the divorce.</p>

<p>My advice still holds...apply to FAFSA only schools. No issue with non-custodial parent income or assets.</p>

24

<p>Sorry if it came out too harsh; I didn't intend it that way. It's just that what the ex is required to pay is spelled out in the divorce decree. Fairness has little to do with it. The only time that fairness could have been considered was at the time of the decree (and Mombot, in some states it is also possible to negotiate contingencies - ex will pay pro rata if student maintains B average or whatever). Then the court has something - a contract - that it can enforce. </p>

<p>But there's little chance that the court will now impose on the ex any additional burdens beyond the decree because it's "fair."</p>

25

<p>I am not purporting to give legal advice here. Family law isn't my area. However, there's a lot of spouting off here about law that simply isn't true. </p>

<p>Family law varies from state to state. NY does not have no fault divorce. The only way you can get a divorce without grounds is if both parties agree to one. So, if brooklynrats' spouse had no grounds for the divorce, brooklynrats could have demanded half of private college tuition as a condition to agreeing to a divorce. I did just that. Ex knew that if ex did not agree to that, I would go forward with a jury trial--which he would lose. </p>

<p>Someone wrote:
"a competent divorce attorney would never allow a client to sign a financial agreement that had an unknown obligation in the future."</p>

<p>Just not true. Half of the cost of the college of student's choice is not an "unknown obligation." There's no difference whatsoever in terms of foreseeability in agreeing to pay half or a pro rata share of SUNY and half of Bennington or Sarah Lawrence. You CAN go back into court and plead a change of circumstance that makes it impossible for you to live up to your obligations. BUt you certainly can sign a divorce agreement that requires each party to pay half of the college in which the child enrolls. Again, that's what mine said. </p>

<p>Lawyers in NY tend to use standard agreements which amount to what a court orders in MOST cases. Brooklynrats' divorce agreement or decree--it matters a bit which it is--has what is the standard agreement. That is what the courts in New York usually grant when the dispute is actually litigated. </p>

<p>My agreement also said if either of us had to move to enforce and won, the loser would pay attorney's fees and 10% interest. My ex screamed that our kid should have gone to a cheaper school and that financial circumstances made it impossible for ex to pay. I said, unless I get the check for your half of the tuition, room and board within 5 days of your receipt of this letter, I am going to court. And remember if you lose, you pay my attorneys fees and 10%. Check came. </p>

<p>Now, I am not giving legal advice but...I don't think it likely brooklynrats can change the agreement now, especially if it was an agreement which was incorporated into the divorce decree. If the judge ordered it--it wasn't negotiated--then my understanding is that the chances of prevailing move from 0% to .005%. IF there are special circumstances which make a SUNY a horrible fit, then a judge might order a private college. These have to be special--e.g., a deaf child who wants to attend that college for the deaf and for whom this is a much better idea than a SUNY. (The child would have had to become deaf after the divorce, so there really were unforeseen circumstances or maybe there was a SUNY with a great program for the deaf when the parties divorced, but it has been closed. ) </p>

<p>And, while I haven't checked in a while, it used to be too that NY allowed child support to the age of 21 if the child is enrolled in college. Again, you can negotiate. If you have a kid who will turn 21 before college graduation, MANY judges will order support until graduation day, as long as the child goes straight through. </p>

<p>My reason for posting this is that brooklynrats is right--someone may be able to learn from the experience and negotiate a better deal. The clause on liability for college expenses is the only one in our divorce agreement that I wrote myself. My lawyer said no judge will order that. I said, I don't care--no agreement, no divorce. As I said, we picked a jury...and then my ex caved. He was going to pay for a jury trial and he was going to lose. (I was fortunate in that there were reasons my ex couldn't pack up and leave New York.) </p>

<p>The moral of my story is that anyone who is getting a divorce and has children should really check what the law is. Make the lawyer be specific. In New York--which is a bit unusual in that it doesn't allow no-fault divorce without mutual consent--you CAN negotiate for a better deal. And believe me, if your ex is like mine and fights for custody and at the same time balks at paying for college tuition which (s)he can obviously afford, the judge isn't going to be impressed. </p>

<p>Again, no one should take this as personal legal advice. The only point I am trying to make is that the time to bargain is before the divorce--not years later. Personally, I think a guardian ad litem should be appointed for children in every divorce case so that someone is negotiating for them.</p>

26

<br>


<br>

<p>Up to a point that's true..but we are talking about families who are on the cusp of affordability. In other words, they can probably handle a state school on their own, but private school would present a substantial economic hardship absent financial aid. the classic upper middle income dillemma--too rich for aid, not rich enough to cough up $50K per year. </p>

<p>In situations like that, an attorney who allowed his or her client to sign on to more than the STANDARD would be failing in their duty to protect their client's best interests. </p>

<p>I agree that if there is wealth at the time of divorce, nothing should preclude one party from aggressively pursuing a better than standard agreement, but beware it may cost more as it may mean legal negotiations are drawn out or the case goes to trial. That could mean that the divorce ends up costing as much as the college education! </p>

<p>It is sad, but kids whose parents divorce lose a lot--it simply costs more to maintain two households after a divorce, so unless there is A LOT of money there is less likelihood that parents can pay a full EFC. Some even lose any opportunity for financial support from both parents--it's not always the noncustodial who is the villain; I know custodial parents who absolutely don't understand that supporting children is the obligation of both parents and expect the ex to shoulder all expenses.</p>

<p>I'm not saying this to be critical of divorced parents; my H. and I are both divorced and we'd be in the same boat except for an unexpected windfall that provided just enough money to eke out the difference between in state and private schools. If that hadn't happened to our family, I'd have to tell the kids that they had to stay in state.</p>