Do any of you attend a single sex private school?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
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<p>After spending 3 years in an all boys private school, I've been starting to think about how such an environment has been affecting me psychologically. For the first couple of years, everything was joked about, looking at girls as if they were unicorns when they happened to come into the school for drama practice. Now, I think it is more serious, as I will have to deal with a co-ed environment in college.</p>

<p>One of my predicaments is that I go to a school in the large metropolitan city nearby (About 8 million people population, not sure if you could guess what it is), and since my commute is about is about an hour and a half, I have pretty much broken contact with everyone in my co-ed elementary school. All of my other elementary school classmates chose to stay in the same county for school. I am quite busy with extracurricular stuff after school, so I haven't devoted much of my time to making friends with the students at the all girls school no more than about 10-12 blocks away, as a few of my classmates have done. I can pretty confidently say that I have not had a conversation with a girl my age in real life for more than 20 seconds in the past several months. I did a wolfram alpha analysis on my Facebook profile, and 7.3% of my friends are of the female gender.</p>

<p>I have been wondering about what my life would be like had my school been co-ed. Maybe I might not have done as well academically, maybe I would have. Maybe I would have bothered to exercise more or maybe the dynamics of high school drama (if it exists in co-ed competitive schools, I don't know, probably) would have put me under some psychological distress or depression. Maybe I would have started a relationship, I have no idea. I feel like I am missing out on a common experience had by many American teenagers my age. Being in that co-ed environment probably gives someone the knowledge of how a more adult co-ed social system works. I actually am a bit frustrated that I don't have first-hand experience about how the social physics of such a complex and diverse social arena works. Do most high schools have co-ed sports teams, what is it like to ask a female for help on a complex problem or compete with them for grades?</p>

<p>One thing I care about a lot is the movement to bring more females into science, as gender roles has tried to suppress them for many years. One of my favorite female mathematicians is Sophie Germain, who pretended to be a male in order to gain access to mail communication with Carl Gauss. However, since I am in a single sex school, I don't experience the pressure to take certain classes over other things, and I don't see any females being discouraged from taking a course like AP Computer Science. I know that those things exist theoretically, and I care about them. It's just that I wish I was able to do something about it in real life.</p>

<p>When I read comments on College Confidential, I don't always look at the username first, and I think that usually I just perceive the commenter as male, if any gender at all. This is unconsciously, but the realization that I was subconsciously doing the incorrect thing inspired to me to make this post. I as pretty much everyone else views College Confidential as a place full of cutthroat competitive people. What worries me is that I may have applied a gender stereotype to this community subconsciously, which unfortunately agrees with the stone age pressure on men to be the ones who succeed. Now, I'm not saying I actually thought everyone was male, it's just that I sort of communicated with almost everyone on here as I would communicate with friends in an all boys school. Would my average personality of communication with both sexes be the same in co-ed school? I don't know, maybe.</p>

<p>If you have any experience with this, it would be great if you could share your thoughts. If you have any advice or insight that you could share with me, regarding my questions or anything you think adds to this constructively, that would be great too. Thanks all for reading this.</p>

<p>I also think this thread is a good deviation from the usual academic discussion. I also like how this site is an outlet for extremely brilliant people to discuss issues such as this. Brilliance doesn't always have to be reflected in our grades on SATs and AP tests, but also could be shown through our deep thought on philosophical and social topics.</p>

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<p>

I feel like you might be overthinking this slightly. </p>

<p>My school doesn’t have any co-ed sports teams (well, aside from track and XC, but the girls run separately from the guys during meets). </p>

<p>Do guys and girls really compete against each other grade-wise? I don’t think it’s like that. I’m a girl, and to my knowledge, guys aren’t trying to do better than me or any of my female classmates, nor do they care if a girls does better than them on a test. I also don’t think they have a problem with asking for help on something. The smartest person I know is a girl, and everyone asks her for help, and always expects her to get the highest grade. I don’t think that has to do with her gender.</p>

<p>It’s really not that complicated. We aren’t a different species or something, we’re just people like you. </p>

<p>Also, I don’t think you’re wrong for assuming most-everyone on here is male. You’re used to being around guys, nothing wrong with subconsciously assuming. Plus, with the internet, it’s a bit different since you don’t know the gender of the person unless they say it. You don’t have to converse with girls any differently. Girls don’t tell guys certain things, guys don’t tell girls certain things, depending, but you don’t have to talk in a different way to girls. And if you’re worried that you’re being sexist, you’re really not. You’re analyzing this too much. Don’t worry, you’re fine. :)</p>

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<p>Well when I mentioned competing for grades, I wasn’t assuming that I would compete with females differently than I do with males. I was just curious as to how that environment acts as a whole academically. And yes, I know you’re not a different species, lol, I just realize out of nowhere sometimes that my social environment may be different based on the fact that it is solely single sex (Not based on the fact that there are no females, there might be similar problems in all female schools).</p>

<p>But yeah, I like overthinking things.</p>

<p>Also, I wonder how gay straight alliances work at co-ed schools. I haven’t attended a meeting at the one at my school, but maybe different topics would come up in discussions in those alliances vs ones in a single sex environment to address different kinds of problems?</p>

<p>Yeah I’m not really worried, just very curious about the social dynamics.</p>

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<p>I think this is an interesting discussion, because I’ve never really thought about what it’s like for people who go to single-sex private schools and don’t interact with the opposite gender a lot.</p>

<p>I guess I can’t really say as far as the academic environment goes, since I don’t know what it’s like at your school, but I’d guess that the social environment is definitely different. With co-ed schools, you definitely have the drama of dating and all of that. But like when I’m talking to a guy friend or classmate, I don’t really consider his gender when talking to him. Of course, girls don’t usually tell guys everything and guys don’t always tell girls everything, but other than that, it’s just… normal. Haha, I don’t really know how to explain it, sorry. </p>

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<p>I attended to a private all-girls high school. I found the academics at school to be very competitive, but I can’t really compare them to a public school as I have never gone to one. I just assume that the private school curriculum is more rigorous because we were told as much by our teachers. </p>

<p>As far as social environment, I thought that girls were not as nice at school as they were in the presence of boys. I had many male friends and friends in general outside of school, and I found that girls at school ostracized girls that were popular with boys whereas the same girls at public schools would be popular. Most of my close male friends attended our brother institution - an all-boys school. I found that the boys school had much less drama and more of a fraternal spirit. While there were cliques at both schools, the boys seemed more able to get along at school (by separating school life and social life) while the girls separated rivalries and and out-of-school tensions much less. </p>

<p>The school often said that an advantage of going to an all girls school was that the pressure to dumb oneself down for boys are non-existent. I personally have never felt the need to do that, and I believe that there was more pressure to look good and be PC at my school than there would be at a public schools. </p>

<p>I also assume that everyone online is male until proven female. I do not know why I do this, but I do not think it is an unusual assumption. I purposely choose a username on this site that would show my gender so that it would be easier to see my perspective. </p>

<p>Now that I am finished school I have more close male friends than female friends, still 75% of my facebook friends are female. During school it would not be unusual to go 2-3 weeks without so much as talking to a boy, but I do not think it has affected my ability to communicate socially or professionally with either gender.</p>

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<p>Go to Starbucks.
Problem resolved.</p>

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<p>I am a girl and I go to a co-ed private school but my older sister went to an all-girls private school. She is now graduated and is going in to her third year of college. She didn’t really seem to have any experience with boys throughout high school from what I observed, but that has definitely changed now. She was always saying what seems to be similar to what you were saying about how everyone would stare when the opposite gender was seen in the building. Her college she goes to now is co-ed and she didn’t seem to have a problem adjusting at all. The only thing is probably maybe going through the whole “relationship” thing for the first time since she was not in one in high school, but a lot of people, including people who have gone to co-ed schools, experience this, and theres nothing wrong with it. I think as time went on she became used to it and now she has no problem with it at all. In fact, a good majority of her friends now are guys. </p>

<p>Academically I don’t think she ever mentioned there being much of a difference/problem. Personally, from my experience of going to a co-ed school, boys and girls here talk and are friends with each with no problem. I have close friends who are girls and boys. There is some competition here for grades, and a good example comes from one of my classes last year where the two people with top grades were a boy and girl and they would have a little competition, but very lighthearted. We have separate sports teams that play competitively with other schools but there are many opportunities throughout the school year where both genders can compete in sports for special events and also we have co-ed gym class. I don’t think your communication skills will be skewed from going to an all-boys school. I think it is completely normal to perceive people online as your own gender. Most of the people I read on here I think are girls until proven otherwise. I think its because you tend to read it your voice most of the time. </p>

<p>Anyways, I think what you’re feeling is completely normal and if you are just yourself, you will have no problems. Many people in my school don’t really view each other by gender, but rather by if we share the same interests. You are always going to have those cliques of people, though, but I find it really easy to find your own little niche. Typically at my school, you will see girls hanging out with girls and likewise with guys. Majority of my friends are girls but that doesn’t mean I act any differently around my guy friends personality-wise. Of course, there are personal things I might tell my closest friends who are girls, but I feel like guys do this too with their close guy friends. </p>

<p>I agree that this is an interesting topic. I never thought about it at this level before because I’ve always been around both genders. I’m sure your curiosity is normal and that you’ll be fine in college. :slight_smile: </p>

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<p>I’ll tell you about public school perspective:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Would you have differed socially if girls were around?
Yes. Most guys are more inclined to work out, but others find girlfriends just fine without working out. You just find your niche whether it’s with the athletes, drama kids, band kids, partiers, or nerds. You have friends in all of these arenas if you’re a decent person who’s fairly sociable, but the nucleus of your friends is usually in one of these areas. You would definitely spend time trying to attract and date girls, but if that has a horrible effect on your grades then you need to become more intelligent or learn to tell your girl when you need to study because a relationship done the right way should never make it difficult to find time to study or work. It does however require you to do certain things like on Valentine’s day and homecoming week.</p></li>
<li><p>Are the sports coed?
Most high schools don’t have coed sports teams for very obvious reasons. Coed works in younger years where the contact isn’t extreme but in high school there are very few sports where men and women can compete equally. This is because of what I said earlier, guys start working out and go from 140 to 210 over the course of a year. You’ll see a couple low-contact sports that allow both but usually it’s pretty segregated for good reason. Basically think the olympics.</p></li>
<li><p>What’s it like to ask a girl for help on a problem?
Most guys work with girls for the most part the same they would with a guy. Guys don’t ask girls for help much but that’s mainly about finding answers themselves. Women are just naturally more likely to ask for help I suppose. Guys are usually more dominant and expressive for the most part when working in groups. Females contribute and push great ideas, but for the most part the guys are the most active, the most inventive, and the most vocal.</p></li>
<li><p>Do you compete with women for grades?
If you’re ever competing for grades then you’re doing something wrong. Maybe it’s just me but I never had a problem getting the grade I needed for the class if I wanted an A (on a side note I’m talking about AP/college level classes, if you’re school teaches harder than college level course work then your school is just crazy). Women usually get higher grades because they are more organized and focused. Guys usually don’t care as much about their grades and are more erratic with their study methods. A girl might take notes and organize/highlight during a specific time period, but a guy’s usual thinking is “I’ll read the chapter and then my natural intelligence will get me a high score”. </p></li>
<li><p>Did I establish a gender stereotype through CC?
No, everyone does what you said. They instill their own gender to people that are genderless. This is just because we as humans don’t have a good definition for what it means to be without gender because it doesn’t exist for the most part in nature. We do this gender assignment by assigning our own gender to the character until we get confirmation of what gender they are. People do this with characters in books and people online a lot. I’m actually surprised you didn’t know that it was normal. On a side tangent, it actually makes me mad when people seem angry when I make the mistake. I’m going to assume you’re a guy firs then you can tell me you’re a girl in some way.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Basically, if you come out of the all-boys school treating women like they are magical unicorns then yeah you might be psychologically damaged, but for the most part the experience shouldn’t affect you differently at all. Obviously you will have different experiences though to others from coed schools. Also, you can just go out into town and try and meet with women through social clubs or concerts.</p>

<p>P.S. I’ll add one more thing about the Gay-straight alliance thing. Usually there isn’t need for one. Most people are content with letting a gay person just do their own thing and not harass or intervene. That being said if yo’re just a jerk who uses your homosexuality as a shield then you’re going to rub people the wrong way. It’s similar with women in a way with the mentality of some (by this I mean very few but still some) where they think, “I can treat people like dirt to their face because they won’t do anything.” If a guy hits a gay person or a woman who’s antagonizing them, they know they are going to be getting life sentence (maximum of the school punishment). Basically there really isn’t a need for a gay-straight alliance organization as long others don’t harass and the gay people don’t attack from behind a shield. </p>

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<p>@jimmyboy23 Well sure I don’t treat them like magical unicorns. I think my post may have exaggerated the way I actually act with respect to gender. I just asked questions that seemed on the extreme end because I don’t know exactly how the dynamics work in co-ed high schools.</p>

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<p>As someone who is in the GSA at my school, it is a great environment and club even if intense homophobic bullying is not an issue at the school. I do wonder if GSA would be different at a single sex school, however I think it would be more of an issue for the transgender students than LGB students. At my school so many people in GSA avoid traditional gender roles that it may not even matter.</p>

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<p>@jimmyboy23‌ I assume people on here are male and I’m female…I think most people just assume others on the Internet are male, not their own gender.</p>