I don’t think “sob story” would be a great term for this, but I’m wondering if talking about how my dad has multiple sclerosis and alcoholism in my family as reasons for me wanting to go into neuroscience and psychology would be appropriate. I’m obviously not looking to “exploit” my family but I don’t know if colleges would see it in that light.
Yea that sounds like it could be a great essay! Just don’t focus on how your dad powered through or whatever. When talking with someone who happened to be my SAT proctor who also happened to be a UC admission officer, she was telling me how she read these incredible essays about how some kid’s parents work so hard everyday and have lived through X, Y, and Z difficult situations. After finishing reading those essays, she wanted to admit their parents and not the kid themself!
So, my point is: focus on how seeing his strife motivates you and how you took actions etc. How did you turn his disease into opportunity or action? Not, how hard was your dad’s life or how brave is he for powering through.
It would be fine to use as a topic but 1) be sure to keep the focus on you, rather than on your dad 2) don’t turn it into a “sob story” but rather focus on the positives – certainly note his illness but it would be better to focus on what you learned from your dad, how your family drives you etc. (as opposed to a “poor me” type of sob story).
A personal statement can tell stories like that, but it will be a failure if it turns out to be about that or about your dad. It has to be about who you are–it’s a personal statement, after all. @happy1 is also correct that if its abiding message is negative it’s unlikely to be successful–you’ll have to pull some positive out of it for it to work at all.
Make sure if you do choose that idea it ends on a positive note. Would not be a good idea to have an entire essay complaining about your circumstances AKA a sob story. Maybe talk about your resilience and how you overcame that obstacle in your life.
Don’t forget to brainstorm other ideas, too! Don’t be restricted to that idea. As cliche as it sounds, make sure you are yourself on your essay. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, but also try to sound likable and honest. Make sure you are proud of your essay in the end.
Colleges don’t admit you out of pity. They admit you for qualities that YOU showed in difficult circumstances : resilience, courage, drive, ability to feel and empathize, kindness.
If you can manage to speak about your dad in ways that speak about you, yes, it’s good for colleged to know that about you.
I think a two-pronged strategy would be good: write about the difficulties and how you responded (the historical part) … followed by what you want to do in neuroscience/psychology (the future).
I’m going to be the dissenter and say no, I don’t think it would be a good essay. Or rather, I think it would be really, really difficult to do it well. These essays often end up being more about the parent than the student themselves, and they have the double whammy of sounding negative.
And unless you’ve already done a lot of pre-work to study psychology and/or neuroscience - or you spent/spend a lot of time as the caretaker of your father - there’s not a whole lot that you can say about yourself in this story.
And if you use it as a positive, there’s the danger of it sounding like an unnecessary prop or framing for a story that could’ve been better without it.
I suppose it could be done, but it would have to be really well-written to avoid the trap. If you have some time, you may want to try several drafts to see how it feels and f you can craft the tone you want, and show it to some outside readers to see if you’re striking the note you want to.
@juillet Completely, completely agree ^
What if the OP’s family history is just mentioned and VERY briefly described as a jumping off point …and the rest of the essay (at least 75%, if not more) describe the general fascination with neuroscience and psychology that ensued and continue today…the questions that had their beginnings in his/her childhood that OP now want to explore for the benefit of others (or whatever he/she wants to do with them. )
@inthegarden This is more of the path I was thinking. I wanted to mention it as more of a starting point then further dive into that being the reason I wanted to go into the field and to not see people suffer like he has. I’m planning to mention the experiences I’ve had because he has MS and describe how him having it has changed me growing up and changed my perspective of others.
Definitely never, ever a “sob story.” A college essay should be a “feel good story.”
You want the reader to say “wow, I want to meet that kid!” not “oh, poor kid, he’s had such a hard life…”
Note that “wow, I want to meet that kid” means showing that you have intelligence, personality, positive character traits, etc. It’s not incompatible with having had to overcome a difficulty, but a sob story is never a requirement. In fact, it can be a hurdle to overcome where the sob story makes it harder to show what colleges are really looking for.
If your dad’s conditions have caused you to have lower grades, it should be mentioned briefly in the counselor’s letter (preferred) or in the additional information section (if your counselor doesn’t write letters or doesn’t personalize them much). They do not have to be part of an entire essay.
It could work for Common App prompt #4. Focus on MS as the problem you’d like to solve/engage. Leave the alcoholism out. The problem is definitely of “personal importance” to you. It might be more powerful if you discuss your father, briefly, at the end of the essay. That way, the reader will be focused on you, and the ending will have more poignancy. You can explain the significance of MS to you, initially, without mentioning your father. Talk about MS objectively, but keep your interest and passion apparent. Connect the disease with your goals in neuroscience. (Talk about psychology, too, if you like, but I gathered from your info that the psych was more directed toward alcoholism.) Steps that could be taken to identify a solution: a few points re latest research into combating MS. In the penultimate paragraph, discuss your father and how MS has affected you, surprising the reader with the precise (emotional) significance of MS in your life. Edit that paragraph for simplicity and emotional impact. Keep it about you.
Write it early and often to see if you have anything worth keeping because, like @juillet suggested, this could be a hot sobbing mess if you get overly focused on your father, or too emotional in the bulk of the essay.
Try it with your father at the end. If that isn’t working, go with the starting point idea in posts #9-10. Don’t be too attached to it. Move on if necessary.
Edit: I just realized it’s unclear if you’re applying to undergraduate or graduate programs. I assumed graduate given the sub forum, so the following advice is specific to graduate applications, not undergraduate.
I agree with Juliet, don’t write a sob story as your personal statement. For neuroscience programs the focus of your personal statement should be more on your prior research experience, and less on your personal history. In fact, most schools don’t call it a personal essay, they call it a Statement of Purpose/Research and explicitly ask for info on your research history, inspiration for graduate research, reasons for interest in their program specifically, and research goals. You can include a few sentences at the beginning about your dad’s MS in order to explain your research interest in neuroscience specifically, but it should be no more than that. The point of the statement is to showcase your scientific research preparation for graduate school. You need to show them that this is a well thought out, rational decision on your part and you have the experience necessary to succeed in graduate studies. This isn’t about being a well-rounded applicant, it’s about being a well prepared applicant for research studies.
@Dunboyne, graduate admissions doesn’t use Common App or have essay prompts.
@variola, the OP is a high school student (stated in his/her other threads.)
@variola Yes I am a high school student. I swear I put it in a different category but that is my bad.
I saw a good essay along these lines recently that talked about all the things that intrigued them about their area of medical study, then very near the end briefly revealed the family connection. So it wasn’t the focus, but more of an additional point of data. I found it more compelling than the other essays I’ve seen that use this approach.
You shouldn’t write about this. I just finished the whole college admissions process and my english told me that you should never write about the 4 D’s (death, disease, disability, divorce). If you write about this it could stray away from you.
I think it can be done, but it has to be crafted very carefully. My D15 wrote about a difficult situation that was “central to who she was” or whatever that Common App prompt is along those lines. It made me super-nervous, and I had no input on it. But it really was about her, and it was in her voice, and it was real. I had a third-party read it (I can give you a referral to that person) who blessed it. D was accepted to 2 top 20 schools, waitlisted one, denied one.
ETA: I imagine her teacher recs backed up the theme, which was about empathy.
Try to remember, the more competitive the college, the more they want to see the attributes that matter to them. The personal statement is neither a bio nor meant to explain why you want X major. Remember, they’e looking at you as a possible member of their community. Imo, fine to refer briefly to the experience with Dad’s challenges, but then show how that translated outside your family: your actions and understanding.
“Show, not just tell.”