<p>To the OP - so sorry for the loss of your son! I can understand now why you’d be more apprehensive, but it is great that you’re letting your daughter decide what’s best for her. As a current senior I can say that interviewing in the home of an interviewer has been a very positive experience for me, and I hope it is for her as well (should she decide to go to his house). I hope everything works out, and just know that there has never been a (public) complaint of inappropriate behavior by the interviewer at an interview. Good luck with the rest of the process.</p>
<p>^Admiration plus. I’m rereading how you phrased that. It’s not what you said, it’s the way you said it.</p>
<p>Your generation has a lot to offer.</p>
<p>I, too, have been impressed by young people who’ve posted on this thread.</p>
<p>Interesting, too, that while I have seen lots of threads and posts by students who’ve had alum interviews, I’ve never seen one in which a young poster indicated that alum interviewers were narcissists who wanted to show off their homes. Maybe that’s because the young people visualized themselves as some day being alum who’d interview their alma mater’s applicants.</p>
<p>jym, your assumption that everyone besides you and those who agree with you are paralyzed with fear is comical. Just because some of us don’t agree with the expectation that a minor attend an interview in a private home, you declare in all your wisdom that we are paranoid. </p>
<p>Since you believe that our concern is unfounded and irrational, I’d love to know what your other beliefs are with regard to parenting minors, specifically seniors in high school. Do you believe in a curfew for seniors or coed sleepovers or leaving your minor alone in the house while you go out of the country for a week? These are all parenting questions that have been debated on CC and not so different from the OP’s question since you’re talking about the degree of risk involved. After all, following your logic, they are adults and if something bad is going to happen to them then it’s going to happen.</p>
<p>My husband has interviewed kids for many years for his Ivy. He has offered (depending on the availability of all concerned) his office or our home. We have had many kids come here. A few times a parent has driven and I have invited them in to another part of the house (generally the parent goes into the kitchen and is offered tea). Some parents have stayed outside. NEVER has the thought occured to us that some paranoid parent would think that (the school, in additions throughly vets the interviewer btw) would think that something could happen here. (sorry…perhaps a stray dog hair).</p>
<p>Next year your children will be visiting their professors’ offices, sometimes their homes, and going into strange kids’ rooms, apartments, and homes. They will get into cars with strangers, fellow students but strangers. If your kid can’t discern danger now (and again, the university KNOWS the people who interview for them)…good golly, your kid is going to have problems and you will never sleep.</p>
<p>We live in a big city. I don’t trust well. But our kids are almost grown. If we can’t teach them now who is safe, give them the cues to understand who isn’t safe…lock them up.</p>
<p>And, yes, by the way I am offended. Everytime my husband interviews I make sure that we have beverages, snacks (vegetarian, kosher, non fat, ethnic and/or really bad for you) ready to go. We put our overgrown, human loving dogs in a separate area JUST in case someone is afraid of them. (Yes, I invite the parent in…sometimes they drive because the kid is too nervous.) My husband reads EVERYTHING that is sent. Oh, and he has given a kid a solid rec when her grades weren’t great (I mean 3.5 weighted not great…and she got in) but she was great…and has written one or two don’t take this kid…interviews. And they weren’t admitted.</p>
<p>Just so you know, there is a cadre of people who devote many afternoons, evenings and billable hours and actual dollars to help your kids get into college. And yes, I personally am insulted…just my two cents.</p>
<p>You misunderstand, magmom. And as you see, there are many other posters besides me who find the young posters here impressive. Perhaps you should take your beef up with them.</p>
<p>Please read the many many posts here who have explained about assessing degree of risk. No one said that everyone who had concerns about interviews was paralyzed with fear- if you go back and reread you will see that it was, as was said 2 or 3 times, that this was an example of the range of fear that people can experience – talking in generalities- not to any specific posters here. Remember the thread about the Penn student who died trying to climb up the side of a building (and the poster whe said he deserved what he got b/c he was stupid and took that level of risk?) The risk of going to an alums house for an interview is not on the same scale a scaling a building. Again, for the umpteenth time, it is a matter of degree and comfort with differing levels of risk.</p>
<p>“NEVER has the thought occured to us that some paranoid parent would think that.
Next year your children will be visiting their professors’ offices, sometimes their homes, and going into strange kids’ rooms, apartments, and homes. They will get into cars with strangers, fellow students but strangers. If your kid can’t discern danger now (and again, the university KNOWS the people who interview for them)…good golly, your kid is going to have problems and you will never sleep.”</p>
<p>Ellebud, I’m not sure who the <em>your</em> in <em>your kid</em> you are referring to is but just for record, my kid is a graduating senior in college flying all over the country for grad school interviews and she’s doing just fine, thank you. No problems here. Also, I don’t know if you read the entire thread but the parents who have concerns are the ones who have been insulted repeatedly in this thread.</p>
<p>It’s ok for you to call parents you don’t know “paranoid” but you’re insulted because a parent is cautious? Please.</p>
<p>Yes, jym, I’ve read the entire thread and again, you don’t answer on other parenting issues what your stance is. You can talk about degree of risk in this case all day long (and you have) but compare your stance on this issue to your parental view on another issue that you consider of similar low risk. Just curious.</p>
<p>And fwiw I have no beef with the young people here. Young people by nature for the most part are fearless. They think bad things only happen to other people. I simply find it amusing that you think they are genius when they’re agreeing with you.</p>
<p>Where did anyone besides YOU say posters were “paralyzed with fear” ?</p>
<p>You did, jym, post 374, directed to me.</p>
<p>Cautious: Saying if a friendly tone to the interviewer: How long have you been done interviewing? Googling them to see where they work. Teaching your kid(s) from an early age to know what danger can be. I am not trying to insult you or any parent on this board. It is too bad that you cannot say the same. Yes, by intimating that going to an interviewer’s home, (male or female by the way) can be dangerous is insulting to all those who are willing to help your kids get into the school of their dreams. Again, I am reiteriterating that the interviewers are vetted and generally the applicant is offered several time slots and in different locations. Paranoid is not trusting that a university, a successful graduate of the university would somehow be in cahoots to do something wrong. Please remember, the UNIVERSITY picks these people…and yes, in a sense the UNIVERSITY has a legal responsibility in this too.</p>
<p>Interviews are, in most cases, optional. If you, the parent, aren’t ok with the setup, don’t have an interview. But, knowing that you can (a)google the person (b)ask the university (in a kind a genial way) who the interviewer is (c)know that there are time slots and other spots available (unless I imagine an architect wants to show off their home which says who they are and the applicant is an architect major) and (d)if necessary accompany your kid and stay outside. I stand by what I said, in general not to you specifically. Happy your daughter is doing well and I hope that she gets the grad school of her dreams.</p>
<p>magmom-
Perhaps my post was not clear- The example I gave in the post you reference was meant as a description of the range of feelings (eg on an anxiety scale) people in general could experience, from mild caution to paralyzing fear. I was not saying that YOU felt that way. Sorry if you misread.</p>
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<p>My daughter has viewed all of her interviews as a way for her to evaluate whether she’d like to attend the school, not the other way around. She gets to find out the answers to her questions, see the “finished product” coming out of the college, and hear from the alumni why they liked the school. </p>
<p>It seems to me with all this competitiveness that who is the consumer and who is the provider has been twisted around completely. If I’m investing 200k and my daughter is investing 4 years of her life, she’s the buyer.</p>
<p>You are a wise parent, camandriver. The interview process is clearly a 2 way sales job.</p>
<p>Whoa… gone for a day and we’ve gone all nasty. </p>
<p>This thread has a lot of right and left opinions but I think the MAJORITY of posters see nothing inherently wrong with the alum interviews in the home but there are a few who are quite vocal about insisting upon obvious dangers. And yet… not one poster has ever had an inappropriate interview. Not one parent, and not one child or even a friend of a friend of a poster. Not one. And yet, again and again, there has been insistence that there is.</p>
<p>I say Bravo to ellebud’s post.</p>
<p>Look… If you do not want your kid to interview or feel uncomfortable with the situation, then by all means take a pass. But it is called “An OPPORTUNITY to interview” for a reason. It is not an applicant’s “right” to interview with an alum. It is clear it can prove awkward and uncomfortable no matter what the setting and it can be an ideal pleasure as well. The kid doesn’t have the time? Fine. Miss the opportunity. But let’s not dare suggest that because some people don’t consider this anything but a wonderful opportunity to sit down with someone in their home as a guest that they have no curfewsz for their kids, believe in co-ed sleepovers or anything else. In fact, i am not a fan of sleepovers in a very general way. Never have been. </p>
<p>This mountain of a molehill is ridiculous. You (meaning anyone) have to be willing to take a stand in your life. If the stand is, “I will not succumb to the pressure of an inhome interview for the safety and well being of my daughter or son” than you also have to accept the potential consequences of taking that stand. You can be true to your convictions without faulting everyone else for not agreeing with you. Bottom line: It is an opportunity, either take it or pass it up. Your choice.</p>
<p>Is the reason I needed a “bathroom break” because the condescension displayed here by some can be so sickening? I’m not sure–I’ve always avoided bathroom humor. I have an older child who lived in an off-campus apartment for three of his years of college, is now happily working in his field–again in his own apartment, in an urban area, and is actually notably responsible and self-sufficient compared to many of his peers. Interesting that I raised him the same way I am raising my younger son.</p>
<p>You accuse MM of seeing an implication in your post that wasn’t there, and yet you take other words such as “narcissistic” and “burden” as being directed toward you. It’s not always about you, jym, believe it or not.</p>
<p>Yes, how silly of me mummom-- its all about you. I forgot. Mea culpa. So, when you used those adjectives to disparage alum interviewers right after NSM and I (and a few others) talked about our experiences as interviewers, just who were you talking to? (Rhetorical question-- no need to respond. Don’t think anyone cares).</p>
<p>You get the last word, “hun.”</p>
<p>I take the last word: Stop it.</p>
<p>Wait mummom, you forgot “huffy” as one of your kind descriptions of interviewers a few pages back.</p>
<p>** Happily turning the reigns over to you modadunn!! Thanks! And bravo on post # 415!</p>