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<p>Its the second sentence that’s at issue.</p>
<p>I’m not giving you parenting advice. I’m stating the reality of young adult life. </p>
<p>For that matter, it was you who referred to parents such as myself who allow our kids to attend alum interviews in the alums’ homes as indicative of bad parenting. I found that unbelievable. </p>
<p>I am not commenting on your parenting. It is a choice. I was commenting on the reality that once these kids leave home, they will find themselves in situations with strangers that are riskier and less formalized through a third party than a college interview. It is a factual statement and not advice.</p>
<p>So I had a brief discussion with my husband, the interviewer, about this topic. He was truly amazed at the suspicions of the parents. His first piece of advice: Teach your kids to ask polite but pertinent questions. (You, the parent, may supply the questions. But don’t infantilize your kids by asking them). Among the topics that he broached with the student was: time availabilty (never a restaurant or Starbucks…too noisy and distracting)…office (cautioned that there might be limited time or interruptions but that it was fine to meet there) or home (allergy to dogs?..they are in the den) or severe allergy to dogs (meet in office. Food preference? (Finds that a drink of soda/juice/water fizzy or not) helps break the ice. And depending on whether they were having a snack kitchen table or the living room. Always asked if the parents had any questions. Mom in house–that would be me–sometimes. Kids in the house? Usually they (when younger) quietly came and went.</p>
<p>But the best memory? An interview was going very well. In fact the subject turned to something that was/is my specialty. Girl’s mom was outside down the street waiting. We have permit only parking here and very good security. Neighbor got a bit antsy and called the police who came to make sure that the woman was ok. Neighbor came out to make sure all was well. He laughed when he heard why the woman was there. Turns out he interviewed for Harvard and was waiting for his appointment. He thought that the person was either lost/had a broken car/possibly nefarious/maybe his appointment.</p>
<p>I am probably out-of-line, but there’s a bunch of hens bickering over a piece of grit.</p>
<p>LongPrime,
Re: # 601…
I’m curious as to why it is an issue to tell the candidate the truth…the college says the interview is a chance for the candidate to be seen on a personal level in a way that a written application can’t do. I never see the application. I share a personal view of the applicant. That’s what it is. Why is that a problem? I remind the student that it is very competitive and the interview isn’t a make or break thing but a chance for someone to share a personal contact beyond what is submitted to the school in writing by the applicant. It is the applicant’s chance to share in this fashion. I’m honest and upfront as to what it is.</p>
<p>NOPE. THAT WAS NOT ME. If you can find a post where I said anywhere near that, to anyone, please produce it. I did not mean to insult you, I just seriously wondered whether you knew that I have raised two sons.</p>
<p>In fact the only poster who outright stated that was bad parenting was Calgirl, as far as I know.</p>
<p>And Soozviet: Amen.</p>
<p>Yeah, mother hens tend to be that way about their kids, lp.
So let me know when you find out I never said that to you or to anyone, SV! Thanks!</p>
<p>Mummom, to clarify your position, what exactly made you, your husband, and (I’ll take your word for it) your son uncomfortable about a single man being alone with your son? But not as uncomfortable as it would have made you and your hypothetical daughter had she been in that position, since you clearly ALLOWED your son to go, but you know you would not have treated the daughter you don’t have the same way? You are using very vague concepts here, and I don’t understand them. What (in each case) if the interviewer were a woman? Were a married man or woman? With or without the spouse present? What if they were meeting after hours in an empty office? What, exactly, are your rules, and how do you determine what they are?</p>
<p>(And you are confident that your hypothetical daughter would agree with you? Do you know any people with actual daughters? Are you aware that actual daughters often disagree quite vehemently with their actual mothers, who are often really, really good mothers, regardless of the mothers’ parenting styles? Not that it matters of course, because what you ALLOW wouldn’t depend on her agreement. Unless she “forgot” to ask you about it.)</p>
<p>And of course it’s way too harsh to say, just because of that, that your son or hypothetical daughter is disqualified for Yale. But doesn’t it occur to you that, if Yale is choosing between two applicants, and one has a whole bunch of rules about whom she can talk to and when and where and under what circumstances, and the other doesn’t, that’s a point in the other’s favor? In an institution which really exists in large part to promote networking among the people associated with it?</p>
<p>My college says this of the alum interviewers:</p>
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</p>
<p>An excerpt of SOME points of the purpose of the interview:</p>
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</p>
<p>Another excerpt:</p>
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</p>
<p>So, Long Prime, I am not sure why you say that my statement was a problem. My statement was based on what my alma has told me. Thus, I am curious what you found problematic.</p>
<p>I don’t think I would have a problem with either daughter or son with either male or female interviewer if I knew another person would be in attendance. I really didn’t “allow” my S to go alone either…I went with him and waited in the car. My H and I both urged him to email for a public place, but he didn’t like that. He had no problem with me waiting in the car, because he had some concerns as well. You are exactly right, a daughter of mine might have chaffed at the change of venue suggestion also, no reason to expect otherwise. I am simply giving you my experience because you seem to genuinely be having trouble comprehending this way of thinking. Neither of my sons seems to be experiencing any interpersonal problems at all, as I have mentioned previously. If there is any overreaction here, to me it’s the people who seem to think that parental concern over a high school college interview is going to stunt their S/D’s life forever.</p>
<p>I think I get what you’re getting at, JHS. No, we’re not a “rule driven” family in any way.
We don’t have strict rules, in fact, I don’t know that we’ve ever had any “rules.” I have never even given my S’s a curfew. I think “the way we roll” is that we have always had certain expectations of behavior. We never had to demand. There was never any harsh discipline. Is that the kind of thing you’re worried about? I must say that they were raised in a religious tradition (which the older one has since abandoned). My kids have always just been really good kids. Maybe we’re just lucky.s</p>
<p>Mummom, you are right…it was calgirl who mentioned that allowing our kids to attend these interviews in homes is indicative of bad parenting. Sorry I got you mixed up with that statement.</p>
<p>Likewise, I never said that your concern over such interviews is bad parenting either. Simply put, I was amazed at the stance that you and a couple of others have about alum interviews.</p>
<p>Thanks for checking that, SV.</p>
<p>I’m curious as to what you or your son were worried about could happen in the interview at a home. Just trying to understand. </p>
<p>And is son ever at the home of a classmate’s? Did classmate’s friend’s parent ever drive son home alone? Just wonderin’ if son is ever in presence one on one with an adult he doesn’t know well. And if so, how is it different than his being in the home of an interviewer lined up through the college?</p>
<p>sooz
Not all schools are as detailed as yours in providing alumini instructions.
Not all schools place as much emphasis on the interview as your’s does.</p>
<p>I am not trying to pick on you or question your abilities or motives but trying to bring out the differences that schools have in interviewing recruits. Students need to be aware of those differences and that the interviewer may indeed influence acceptance.</p>
<p>I’m not avoiding your, questions, SV, but I need to get to bed!</p>
<p>It is late indeed. I am sitting in a room with five male and female students I’ve never met before who are spending the weekend at my home. They are watching a movie.</p>
<p>No, mummom. It would never have occurred to me that I had to take my son or my daughter to an interview at some alumnus’ house, or to check whether anyone else would be home, or to inquire whether it was an alumnus or alumna. I had never, ever imagined this was an issue until I saw this thread.</p>
<p>The only problem I can see that provokes that kind of reaction is the threat of sexual violence, but that seems really far-fetched to me, and no one actually comes out and says it. Including you. You seemed to have different rules for boys and girls, although maybe you don’t, but you wrote it that way the first time. And some others clearly make that distinction. In any event, I believe there is no factual predicate for a discernible risk of sexual violence at a college interview, and no one has suggested that there is. So it has to do with imaginary sexual violence. I lack that imagination; I have absolutely no instinct what the boundaries are, except obviously it would not be OK for me to have a young woman in the house with only me – that has to be on the list. Unless, perhaps, I am a paraplegic. </p>
<p>I wasn’t “worried” about “harsh discipline” at all. I understand what you are talking about there. Sure, you probably have been lucky with your sons, but I was lucky, too, with my kids – no really serious conflict, ever – and I know perfectly well that luck was part of it.</p>
<p>
And 23 is a bit different than 17/18. The fact that you pointed out that the families are underprivileged means…what?</p>
<p>As adults we all take risk whenever we take a job where we would need to interact with strangers in a private setting. It takes “training” to try to mitigate that kind of risk as much as trouble. It is another reason why college interview is a good opportunity for our kids to learn how to handle situations like that.</p>
<p>Many college students get off campus jobs like babysitting & tutoring, and they all involve in going to people’s house that they don’t know. </p>
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<p>It means the neighborhood maybe a little bit less safe, a parent may have a drug problem, there maybe more people living in the house. All of those things could make the situation higher risk. Of course, it could be none of above, but yes, I would teach my kid to take that into consideration by doing some due diligence (ask questions to make sure it’s ok, not necessary turning the job down). We don’t like to do profiling in this country. But if we did, we would be a lot safer and we could save a lot more time and money.</p>