Do Parents Really Pay for College?

Parents Forum
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<p>It’s nice that some people have been able to save to pay full freight for the kid’s colleges since the day they were born and have sacrificed everything to get their child to their dream school. </p>

<p>However, unless you have been very lucky and started out well, have a good paying job and have not suffered unemployment, illnesses, and other unlucky unforeseen events, I find it hard to see how the average middle class person saves this kind of money, for one child, let alone for more than one. </p>

<p>We started saving from the day our child was born. Sure, there was not enough leftover after diapers, formula, etc… but we started saving small. Then there were cars to replace and a larger house to buy after child #2 (no, not mcmansion, just that extra bedroom and a backyard) and repairs. Oh and just when we started catching up, there was major unemployment after 9/11 and both H and I were unemployed for about 15 months. Thankfully not at the same time but, imagine what that did to the savings. Then, we suffered another bout of unemployment last year, due to more downsizing, right before some of our investments lost ½ their value. However, our most recent EFC is over 50K because we are now luckily both working and our house that we purchased 10 years ago and managed to keep after all that unemployment, has some equity. While we have some savings to contribute, it is not enough and this EFC is not realistic. And… of course, we don’t have job security these days. Oh yeah, and the other day on the way to a college visit, our truck left us stranded in the middle of nowhere. It has over 100K miles on it and I was hoping it can withstand another 100K but who wants to live like this. It’s not safe.</p>

<p>I feel bad because, we have a really good child who has worked really hard all of her school years and has earned high SAT and ACT scores, is serious about studying and would like to go to a good school. Meanwhile, some of her affluent classmates are not working as hard and don’t care because they know their parents will pay the bill for whatever school they can get into. They don’t even consider getting a part-time job because it is too stressful.</p>

<p>I don’t even know what we will have to do to help child#2. It does not seem fair to put all this burden on parents as they are nearing retirement and also may have to care for aging parents. I do feel I have a responsibility to educate my child, but please make it reasonably affordable. The EFC is an imaginary number. The majority of these graduates will not make $200,000 the day they graduate. When I graduated the cost of the total 4 years was only slightly higher than my annual starting salary. Imagine that, I was able to pay my loans in 5 years.</p>

<p>So, I will help to pay for college, but we are still figuring out how.</p>

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<p>At my daughter’s school there are about 45-50% students get some sort of financial aid. But to qualify for FA, one has to make so little and have no assets to qualify. At those schools, no merit aid is offered, so those kids couldn’t even work very hard to earn merit scholarship. I think it is unfortunate there is a huge middle class students we are missing at some of those schools. Families making 150-200 around NE have a hard time saving up enough money to pay full fare for private schools. One could debate whether private school is the only way to go. But why should it be an option to people making less and not to others. As posted by lia<em>b, it’s not like they haven’t tried or have lived beyond their means. By excluding a sector of population like lia</em>b’s kids, those schools are not building a diverse community, and it doesn’t seem fair to me. My daughter is actually experiencing that at her school. They are either very wealthy or very poor. There are a few people taking out 50,000/yr loan in order to go to her school (one in particular I know of, father makes 200,000/per year with 4 kids living in Phillie, she is taking out full loan).</p>

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<p>Birdy, regarding your comment </p>

<p>“However, they do not pay not because they can’t - but they won’t. They earn 60,000 a year together, and refuse to help me or my two sisters pay for college. And it’s upsetting because I am a rather smart kid and they neglect their parental obligation. After high school, they just don’t want to help me with this”</p>

<p>$60,000 a year income (especially with 3 kids) is NOT a lot of income. It is probably not that they are “refusing” to help you, but rather that they just can’t and I would guess this is very upsetting to your parents. Please keep in mind that parents do NOT have an obligation to pay for college. I hope that if your parents help you out with even $500 that you realize the sacrifice they are making.</p>

<p>If you want this bad enough, you and you alone have to make this happen. Start your research as others have said on schools that offer the best merit scholarships and accept the fact that these dollars might not come from your dream school. Give up an extra curricular and get a job (or increase your hours) right now and start saving every penny. Do like most of the parents on this forum did. Work 2 or 3 jobs during the summer months and then do work study during the college year. </p>

<p>If the scholarships don’t come in from your dream schools, take this opportinity to go to a public college and use those 4 years to save for a good grad school. You can do it - and trust me you won’t be alone! Just don’t carry a chip on your shoulder because your friends are getting help from their parents and you aren’t - this will only hurt you in the end.</p>

<p>Best of luck.</p>

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<p>TheDad-my mom put herself through school EIGHT years ago, not 20 or thirty years. Please do not tell me that “times have changed” She did it in the very recent past, with similar fees and such to what i’ll be paying now.</p>

<p>She did it, i’ll do it. There is no better way to build character in my mind. Being poor and struggling is not the end of the world</p>

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<p>My parents are giving me $100,000 for college. If I choose to go to a school that costs more, I will cover the difference with loans. I have a younger brother who’s going to get the same deal.</p>

<p>I know this sounds like a ridiculous amount of money to many people, but my parents really care about education. Anywhere we’ve lived, they’ve chosen a house based on how good the local school district is, and I know they’ve been saving for college since I was little. I know not everyone has this option, but I think that if you have the money, it’s the responsible thing to do.</p>

<p>My parents had their undergrad paid for by their parents. Dad had Masters and PhD paid for through work study and teaching, and my mom’s place of employment paid for her masters. I think that parents should pay for undergraduate education, because there are much less opportunities for students to pay their own way at that age. A part-time job at Micky D’s won’t put a dent in tuition. With an bachelor’s degree under your belt, you can work a steady, good-paying job and go to school part time, or do what my parents did.</p>

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<p>Interesting that you think that college costs haven’t changed much in 8 years. My experience in the 4 years that my D went to college was that costs went up every year at least 5%. </p>

<p>Quickly looked up some figures:</p>

<p>Harvard Cost of Attendance 2001-2002 school year–$36,650
Harvard Cost of Attendance 2009-2010 school year–$52,000</p>

<p>42% increase in past 8 years. </p>

<p>At our local state schools, the % increase is even higher!</p>

<p>University of California COA 2001-2002 school year–$16,073
University of California COA 2009-2010 school year–$26,400</p>

<p>64% increase in past 8 years.</p>

<p>If you can go to a college that hasn’t raised its prices much in 8 years, you should take that offer to the bank!</p>

<p>I also agree with Oldfort, that many expensive colleges were finding their student population skewed on the ends of the income spectrum. I’m sure that the Middle Class Initiatives put in place by some of the more endowed colleges was in answer to this problem.</p>

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<p>My parents offered to cover the full cost of tuition for me (I’m paying for room and board and all other expenses) as well as for my younger brother. They feel education is <em>really</em> important and they don’t want us to start off life buried in loans, so they have been saving for this since I was born. This means we’ve lived in a smaller apartment my whole life and in general have lived way below our means, but I’ve never felt like they regret this choice.</p>

<p>I know this is a big sacrifice on their part, and I can’t even begin to say how grateful I am. I still work part time during the year and full time during the summer (I’ve been working every summer since I turned 14) to help out in any way I can, but I know it doesn’t even begin to compare to the amount some of my friends are forced to pay. </p>

<p>Honestly (and I know I’m going to sound really spoiled here), I think my parents made the right call. Its a huge relief to know I don’t have to take out any loans to get through college, and once I graduate and begin earning more money, maybe I can try to pay them back (although they tell me that they don’t expect me to). I also know that when I have kids, I’ll be more than happy to make the same sacrifices for them.</p>

<p>I think its easier for parents to save up money over the course of their children’s lives and help their kids through college than it is for kids to start off their adult lives with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. And the kids should be expected to pay it forward by paying for their own children to go to college, as I know my parents will expect me to. Basically, I think it should come down to either paying for your own education or your kids, and I’d rather have 18 years to save up money for my kids than be forced to take out loans as a teenager.</p>

<p>Just my $0.02.</p>

<p>Edit - I don’t mean to say anything bad against parents who are unable to help out their children (especially if they tried to save up money), just that I’m extremely grateful to be in the position that I am.</p>

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<p>No, not all parents pay for college. That’s a lucky situation! Parents who have been able to pay of course speak out - and they should be proud for managing it - but rising college student debt doesn’t lie. At least it shows kids are still going to college despite financial limitations (the saddest stories are of those who give up), although the debt hurts after graduation in the bad economy and slow job market. </p>

<p>Most parents probably don’t pay for college entirely. College is getting more expensive all the time (no matter how expensive or inexpensive a school you choose), as are other expenses. Wages for most Americans are not. People like Suze Orman (rightfully) tell parents to save for their future retirements first (something a lot of people struggle with) - their kid’s tuition after. All this makes completely paying or paying most college costs for one’s child or children very difficult and oft out-of-reach.</p>

<p>My parents paid all of my community college expenses, and continue to pay my living expenses now that I attend UC Berkeley - a school with a good price for their reputation - and I save money by living with my parents and commuting to my classes. </p>

<p>My first EFC for my transfer to University was a shocker, too: $11,999. I couldn’t believe it. As a result, I was only offered loans - no grants - from my new school. Luckily, my tuition was (and continues to be) covered by scholarships.</p>

<p>I have to comment - your GPA isn’t that low! A lot of schools AND scholarships accept a 3.0, and some slightly lower if a student shows they have other valuable skills and experiences they’ve been working to have. I’ve seen programs with a 2.0 minimum, so there are opportunities out there for schools and scholarships depending on your interests and goals.</p>

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<p>I guess I’m not alone here. As a incoming Jr. in HS, I’ve been thinking about college cost since my freshmen year when I moved out of the country and lost my residency.
Now I go to an international school in South Korea where tuition is around $20,000 a year. Unfortunately, I can’t speak Korean so I have no choice but to attend this overpriced “school” if I’m to even have a chance at a higher education.
To add onto that, I’m an international and I have no idea how much my parents have saved up for me. I doubt it’ll be much but I’ll be grateful for the fact that they’re even sending me to a private HS for me to even have a chance at a future.
But the thought of racking up +$150,000 of debt for undergrad is very nerve wrecking.</p>

<p>So any has parent thought about sending their child to study overseas if the tuition rates at US are so high? Such as Australia/New Zealand/England?</p>

<p>@Lia_B: My school is the same. Since it’s a private school in a rich neighborhood, many kids with affluent parents send their kids here and most of them never bother trying since they think they can live off their parent’s money.</p>

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<p>Most parents I know wouldn’t want to be paid back, but will expect that you’ll do the same for your kids. I would put whatever money you would consider paying them back into savings for the college educations of your future kids. By the time your kids are ready to go to college, it will probably cost $$$$$$$.</p>

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<p>My daughter is studying at U. Sydney now for a semester. The cost is around 12,000/semester for tuition and 6-8,000/semester for room and board depending on the exchange rate. When you factor in the transportation, it is cheaper for American students to go to their state schools. </p>

<p>Costs aside, quality of education in the US is still better. I am saying that because my daughter has been going to classes for a month now, and she still has very little work. She could finish all her readings and problem sets on Sun and have most of her evenings free. I know at her college in the States, she would have a lot more work and felt a lot more challenged. After her experience there, even if it’s a lot less money, I would want her to get her degree in this country. After living there for a month, she definitely appreciates this country a lot more.</p>

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<p>
[QUOTE=lia_b]
However, unless you have been very lucky and started out well, have a good paying job and have not suffered unemployment, illnesses, and other unlucky unforeseen events, I find it hard to see how the average middle class person saves this kind of money, for one child, let alone for more than one.

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<p>I share this sentiment.</p>

<p>My wife and I came from nothing. Forget any stereotypes you may associate with my username. Our parents had nothing, and we started out with nothing. We got married a little too young, but I had a master’s degree in engineering by the time our son was two years old, so we got a decent, if late, start.</p>

<p>For the most part we’ve been responsible with our money. However, fifteen years, two stints of unemployment totaling about 12 months, one major illness, and one burst housing bubble later, we are really not very far ahead of where we were back then. Our extra income has gone into living in good public school districts. There is absolutely no way we could pay for four years of private college. The estimated family contributions I get from the online financial aid calculators on top schools’ websites are within our means to pay—barely—but it would mean no saving for retirement for four years, until our son graduates from college.</p>

<p>So I find myself in the frustrating position of wishing that my son would choose State U over the Ivy League, even though I told myself many years ago that I would find a way for my kids to go to the best schools they can get into.</p>

<p>A close friend with a Ph.D. in chemistry, a pharmaceuticals researcher, whose wife has a master’s degree in non-profit management, recently told me, “The middle class can only leave one thing to their kids: an education. Not money or property, because by the time we die, we won’t have any. All we can do is give them the gift of knowledge.” This is a guy who lives modestly while making probably 50% more than I do.</p>

<p>Could we have saved more? Sure. Could we live more modestly than we already do? Not by much. How do others do it? I don’t know. I’m not sure they do.</p>

<p>Anyway.</p>

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<p>Disclaimor - I have been lucky to have a job that would allow me to pay for my kids’ tuitions.</p>

<p>I do feel strongly about making good college education affordable to the middle class families. This may start a lot of flame…Most kids growing up in the middle class families are better mentally adjusted, most of them have come from loving family, are well cared for, and probably have less issues than kids with other social economic background (rich kids included). They would have less to over come to enable them to focus on learning. Not to sound like some politicians, but they are the back bones to this country. Why wouldn’t we harvest that(stable mental state with solid values) and give them the best opportunities possible. I understand lower income children have a lot more to over come, and it’s nice to give them a more level footing. But why not have some of them go to public schools and offer some opportunities of top tier private schools to those middle class kids.</p>

<p>I frankly do not understand why those top tier schools do not afford merit aid? At least with merit aid, it is something a student could work for, and it’s under his control. Many of those students could work their butt off through high school, but because the kind of families they were born into, or their parents’ irresponsible behavior, they have no chance of going to top tier schools.</p>

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<p>Here’s one possible argument: At a top school, admission itself is the prize. Merit aid is available from outside sources, and a student good enough to get into, say, Harvard is probably going to qualify for some of that merit aid, so it’s neither necessary nor fair for Harvard to offer merit aid (since all of its students are equally deserving).</p>

<p>I’m not saying that’s the correct argument, but I think it has some validity.</p>

<p>I worry even more about the next tier down. I mean, if my kid gets into a really elite college, he’ll probably be offered enough need-based aid to make it (at least theoretically) possible for him to attend, as long as he’s willing to be saddled with a fair amount of debt. But what if he doesn’t get in? At the next tier down, financial aid gets more stingy. Now, instead of paying $50,000 to go to Harvard for four years, we’re paying $70,000 at Syracuse, or $90,000 at DePaul, or…well, screw it, I guess the kid goes to State U and deals with it.</p>

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<p>When the kids were in middle school we told them we were scrimping and saving for their college education. We stressed that their education was important to us and, hopefully, they, too, can understand education was a high priority in our lives. Grad school and beyond was on them. We have been fortunate that they have excelled and have received scholarships.</p>

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<p>Just a reality check for those who believe that 1) parents should pay for college or 2) elite colleges should provide merit aid in addition to need-based aid</p>

<p>In 2006 about 75% of all households had income less than 100k per year.</p>

<p>In 2006 about 90% of households had income less than 150k per year</p>

<p>By 2008 the median household income was about 50k per year.</p>

<p>Lessons from this:
Imagine trying to save enough for college earning 50k per year for a family of 4. I guess some individuals can do it, but it’s unreasonable to expect very many families to do so.</p>

<p>Elite colleges targeting aid to families earning less than 100k per year effectively “target” about 3/4 of the households; seems reasonable to do that kind of assistance to “only” 3/4 of the audience.</p>

<p>A federal financial aid policy that provides access to 90% of households seems generous.</p>

<p>And a lot of people’s idea of “middle class” goes well above the middle of the bell curve. </p>

<p>Kei</p>

<p>P.S. We are one of the 25% of households fortunate enough to be earning above 100k. Our family joke is that colleges only want to see us pay from 3 sources:
1 - our prior earnings (savings)
2 - our current earnings (our income)
3 - our future earnings (what we can borrow)</p>

<p>But that’s why we have financial safety schools . . . right?</p>

<p>P.P.S. For us same as S.P.: kids won’t have to borrow for undergrad; grad schools is on them . . although I expect we will budget some $ to help :-)</p>

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<p>We made many difficult career decisions in order to maximize earnings to pay for our kids’ college. DH left a tenured academic position that he rather enjoyed to go into the private sector expressly to up our income to allow us to save for education costs. This was 15 years ago. If we’d known then that elite schools would be granting substantial financial aid to those earning under 200K, we would have never followed this course. It has entailed enormous work hours and stress. I’m kind of bitter about the whole thing, actually. Our kids would have attended the same schools regardless of whether we’d wrecked ourselves to pay for it. Say what you want about FA, the uncomfortable and undeniable truth is that it serves to inflate the cost of college (just like all subsidies) and it undermines the work incentive for parents - “Why should I sweat working and saving for my kids college when they can get FA???”</p>

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<p>We are paying for our son’s college education. I do believe it is my obligation to educate him so he will be able to support himself later on. We chose to only have one child so we could properly educate him. We enrolled in our state’s prepaid plan, and by the time he was to enroll (last year) his tuition was paid for. However he got into his “dream” school with a $100,000 merit award, which amounted to 50% of the cost. He didnt qualify for FA, but we felt he had worked very hard, and we could transfer his prepaid (which only pays a very small amount of the total), so we sent him off. He had a summer job last year and a paid internship this summer. He uses these funds for his spending money, so at least we dont have this expense. I know he is very appreciative we are doing this as he has friends that had to go to public universities even though they were accepted at private schools. I do question our decision at times, and only time will tell if we made the right choice.</p>

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<p>
[QUOTE=sewhappy]

Say what you want about FA, the uncomfortable and undeniable truth is that it serves to inflate the cost of college (just like all subsidies)

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<p>Brilliant observation! (I voted for Ron Paul. :wink: )</p>

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[QUOTE=littlemimie]

We chose to only have one child so we could properly educate him.

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<p>It’s commendable that you care enough about your child’s education to have made this difficult choice. However—and I’m sure you realize this, I’m just stating the obvious—if this was the only way to ensure that everyone got a top-notch education, one of two things would happen. Either the population would dwindle to nothing, or society would segregate within a few generations to a small, rich, educated class and a large, poor, uneducated class. (I wonder if perhaps this is happening already.)</p>

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<p>Sewhappy, who could have guessed that any college would be including those who made under $200K for financial aid?!! It took my breath away when I heard first about it…kind of like when I heard that the Berlin Wall was torn down–it was something I never expected to see in my lifetime (all right, maybe my example is a bit dramatic).</p>

<p>We didn’t only have 2 kids so that we could afford to provide a top-notch education for them. But had we had more kids, they might have had to attend cheaper colleges and maybe only received a “medium-notch” education. </p>

<p>But I always told the kids–your dad didn’t go to a super-selective undergrad and he didn’t go to a top-notch grad school, but he’s made enough money to pay for two Ivy League educations for his kids. So don’t underestimate the value of a mid-tier college or overestimate the value of an Ivy degree.</p>

<p>So I don’t think that our population will necessarily turn into a small educated class and a large, poor uneducated class because of the cost of education. But as families through the generations become more financially stable and downright comfortable, they have fewer kids. That’s just the way it seems to work.</p>