My parents have both been disabled since their 40s/50s. They’ve managed more or less with occasional help from me. Prior to getting sick/my dad’s accident, they were very aggressive savers so that has been how they’ve stayed afloat.
I fully expect to support them in their old age. I’m an only child (well, I have a half-sister but she is really not in our lives) so it by default falls to me.
I have a feeling that my parents will move in with us permanently when we decide to have children. With my severe, chronic health issues, Mr R may have to work rather than being a SAHD like we had planned and I’d rather my parents take care of our kids than go to a daycare (not that I have any issues with daycare- I’m more thinking about the cost).
I’d be aggravated if we had to support Mr R’s parents. They make decent money but they tend to blow it. He is one of three boys though so at least the help will be spread out.
We will not have to financially support my mom or my inlaws. They are all financially secure. My mom has a large estate and only takes the min from the 401k that’s required and lives off her dividends. Plus she has NYS teachers pension and their health insurance as supp - plus SS. She also has long term health insurance - which they used when my dad was at the end of his life and she just used when she had a bad fall and needed an aide ( she is fine now and her doctors have said she is the healthiest 87 year old they’ve ever seen!) My dad also had a large term life ins policy from the company he was a partner in and who paid the premium after he retired. My moms goal is to pass down her estate to her children.
My inlaws don’t have long term care insurance and both have some medical issues. I expect all their money will be eaten up in nursing homes unless the never get to that point. We are also having trouble getting them to deal with setting up trusts, POA and medical proxies, etc., He is 90 and MIL is 86 and they are in denial.
We won’t need help from our son. H has a guaranteed pension of 70% of his salary, plus our Medicare and supplemental will be covered 100%. Now that we are done with tuitition forever we are going to purchase long term care ins. through NYS employees. It won’t be cheap but will be worth it, IMO,
Both of us will collect SS, too. H has 4 more years until he can retire with full pension, but he may work longer as he’ll only be 62 and even after retirement he plans on consulting.
I joke with both my kids about my sacrificing so that they can have a good life and that I expect that in return they’ll share their good fortune lol. Its all funny until I look at my bank account
D1 says that while D2 will have to be the financial provider for H and I in our old age, she will provide the entertainment. She knows herself and her sister well.
DS has stated that he willingly and fully expects to “help” us in our old age, should we need it.
Hopefully that help wont be needed, but it is reassuring to know we have only to ask.
DH and I helped financially somewhat with my grandparents. However I do not expect to help our parents. They all seem to at least for the time being have things set up ok. As far as our sons helping us in the future, well I hope they don’t have to but I have joked with them about it quite a bit. DH has health issues and so it is possible down the road he may need some help.
I do not have parents, my H. does not have them, long gone, and I hope that I will not need support from my kids, but who knows? We cannot say what happens tomorrow, how we can say a year or several of them ahead?
So far, each person in my and H’s family has been fully self-supporting. We expect that to continue and have reassured our kids that they will NOT have to support us. We don’t expect to have to support my folks. H did help support his folks for awhile but they have now been dead for quite awhile. My sibs all look to be in good shape financially as well, thankfully, as is H’s only sib.
Did not support parents financially, but did support them physically as they got into their later 80s with shopping, finances, bills, paperwork transport, etc. It was certainly a possibility of helping financially if a nursing home stay became a reality, but that did not happen.
We are saving as much as possible to avoid having our kids have to help.That was a key reason our kids did not go to their first choice full pay colleges. It is certainly a primary goal to stay independent. It is not always easy to balance the need to save as much as possible, while still enjoying the good years at least a little.
We do provide some support for my folks in other ways–take them traveling, shopping and to MDs and help them with medical equipment and tree trimming. They are fiercely independent in most other ways.
Well, we might not expect it, but the majority of my friends in their 40s, 50s and 60s have supported their parents when the parents became infirm and unable to manage their own affairs. The friends that didn’t had a parent who passed away unexpectedly or parent who had a spouse to do the support. Is the child’s support financial? Hmm, often the support requires a period of reduced or zero work commitments (it is just so time-consuming to deal with the paperwork, dr visits, bills etc) or having the parent move in with the family. I have seen that kind of financial support often. Direct financial support? Not sure, friends haven’t talked about that as much.
If you help your parents with tasks they’d have to pay others to do, you are helping to support them financially. That’s a fine thing to do but should be recognized for what it is.
We do not expect to in either situation. Pending circumstances, we are willing to.
We also warn our kids that we will be living in their basement for retirement (taking turns on which kid). It’s meant 100% as a joke (they know this), but it made us feel good a month or so ago when we were discussing our finances with two of them and they assured us they were ok with it if the need were to come up. It shouldn’t, but that “got your back” feeling is pretty darn good.
My Dad’s business did very well and they are sensible with money, so I don’t anticipate having to help them. MIL might need some help and we can/will help if needed.
We all do some errands, driving and little things for my folks. It is good that they had 7 kids so we can spread tasks out among us. None of the help is a direct financial subsidy, but we are fortunate to be in a position to be there for them as needed.
We are working hard to make sure D never has to support us. Our experience with H’s parents (both have dementia, and we were surprised to learn how little they had saved; apparently their retirement plan was to work until they dropped just as their own parents did) has been very sad. H is angry that his parents were so irresponsible.
No and no.
That said, if my mother were destitute I’d bring her here, of course.
I absolutely do NOT want my kids to feel responsible for me. I want them to live their own lives doing what they want and need to do with no worries about us.
We are grateful that H’s pension pays for all of our needs and many of our wants in retirement. We have been able to be very comfortable, travel and continue saving in retirement, with other sources of income supplementing the pension. It is unreasonable to expect others to support you in old age, but sometimes things happen beyond anyone’s control.
I agree that medical advances have prolonged life for many, but not necessarily GOOD, healthy years. It does make one think long and hard about what QUALITY of life is really worth living sometimes, especially when you see folks struggling to breathe or move or others paralyzed and trapped in their bodies and miserable and yelling at anyone within earshot.
This discussion is exactly why I’m terrified of the coming years. I don’t want to live to 100 years old if my quality of life stopped when I was 85. It’s just burdensome.
