Yes–if I borrow something, I always thank people. If it’s something significant, I’ll try to give them something that I think they might enjoy.
I have a vacation home in a desirable destination and have let many people use the main house or the guest house over the years–friends of mine, friends of my kids, relatives, etc. I’m always surprised at the folks who don’t bother to leave a thank-you note or send an email or somehow thank us. That being said, there have been more folks who have left thank you notes and small gifts–a bottle of wine, a coffee table book about the area, a cookbook from a local chef, a gift certificate for a local restaurant or to the local movie theater, a food gift, etc. We have a guest book that we leave for people to sign and it’s really fun to go back and read what people have written.
I think (and this doesn’t apply to across the board) younger people (under 40??) are just not in the habit of being thoughtful and are probably clueless about stuff like this.
I think there is a big difference between loaning someone a tent, and letting them use your vacation home. For a tent, I would simply say thank you very much. For a vacation home, I definitely would do more.
When we used a friends home for an event, we got them a huge gift certificate to the most expensive restaurant in the area (and a highly regarded one) and left several bottles of wine and champagne. We also had those who used the house write a note to the owners which we left as well.
We have friends with a beautiful beach house. They generously give us a week each summer, and also invite others to use it.
We are close friends, and I know that they would absolutely not want people to leave beach equipment, a fire/stove, or a full pantry behind as thanks. They are (wealthy) minimalists and they want what they want. I have seen these kinds of gifts get donated, and after some guests’ pantry additions attracted ants, they added a request to their welcome letter to not leave any food upon departure.
Because of this experience with these friends, I tend to express my thanks for something borrowed in a heartfelt note, if appropriate, and/or gift card/cash. When I lend something, I expect nothing more than a thank you. If I expected more, I either would consider it renting and not lending, or I wouldn’t lend it at all.
We have a group of very dear friends and have some traveling loaners: nice ice buckets, ice chests, pop up tents, cloth table cloths, napkins, etc. not to mention handy spouses and not-so-handy spouses who can see what else needs to get done. No need for gifts.
Of course we give something we are hosted at an event/dinner/or are loaned a vacation home.
I think if I had a tent like that I’d just be happy that it had been used over the years and that I hadn’t paid for it to be used only once.
I did teach my kids to say thank you for even a ride with their friends’ parents or if they were treated to dinner. I certainly notice when their friends didn’t say thank you to me (or even goodbye when getting out of the car). We’ve had people borrow sports equipment or park their cars at out house while they are out of town (I’m a constant taxi to the airport) and I’m okay with a ‘thanks.’
I never expect anything in return, BUT growing up it was ingrained as a social protocol to drop off a token of thanks for larger items; that was usually baked goods, alcohol or a gift card. We have several friends in the area, so we’ve lent our truck and boat. Everyone offers some sort of “compensation,” and we always decline. It’s the southern social protocol dance They’ll usually sneakily pay our bar tab or dinner check the next time we go out together. As for smaller items like our trailer, crock pots, extra chairs, tables, tools and lawn equipment, we all borrow eachother’s items with a simple “thanks;” there’s no offering of a token. These are all just unwritten “rules” in our circle. Written thank yous are still a thing down here as well for gifts. I write them, but could care less about receiving them.
I absolutely taught my kids to send handwritten thank-you notes. I never got one after ds1’s wedding, but I pray that they sent them out to people who aren’t their parents.
We “loaned” our house once for a party. A friend wanted to have a surprise party for his wife… we happen to have a great house for summer parties and he was a good guy and we agreed to host the party for him… but he had no clue so we did everything. It was a large party and while we had some mutual friends there, there were many others that we had never met. The wife was rude to my husband all night, and then she never thanked us, not once. Not even a quick “hey thanks” at the end of the night or anytime we saw her later. They sat all night while we did the work, and they left without any offer to help clean up.
That was no friend; that was an “acq-user,” an acquaintance “friend” who clout shops for amenities, connections, tickets…; they’re the type who’ll drop you last minute for a better offer. I’ll give you the shirt off my back, but I have a very low tolerance for acq-users
Very true! Honestly we were over it quickly, haven’t harbored any resentment or anything, it’s their problem and we do like helping people when we can… But definitely not “friends” anymore, haven’t seen them in a long time.
They’ll usually sneakily pay our bar tab or dinner check the next time we go out together. As for smaller items like our trailer, crock pots, extra chairs, tables, tools and lawn equipment, we all borrow eachother’s items with a simple “thanks;” there’s no offering of a token. These are all just unwritten “rules” in our circle. Written thank yous are still a thing down here as well for gifts. I write them, but could care less about receiving them.