Such excellent advice. I tore my ACL when I was in my first trimester. Spent 3 months going up the stairs on my bottom to the bathroom. Wasn’t great. After that, would never buy a house without at least a toilet on the first floor but 3/4 bath is even better. We’ve used ours a couple of times during Covid/holidays.
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When we built our house with 3/4 bath downstairs, it was with thoughts of older relatives coming to visit. Ha, eventually we realized it was a good move as we become older ourselves. There is a pocket door to the den/guestroom, and I do wish both spaces were just a little bigger. But when your kids are aged 1 and 4, there’s not much thought given to the golden years… especially when we had done a survival mode job transfer, unsure of how long we’d stay.
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I think your retirement age - or empty nest age - what ever it is that contributes to a move - may make a difference in a one or two step move process. Some people retire in day mid 50’s - some may not retire until 70.
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I just thought about aging in place in our house. Zero step entry and a 1/2 bath plus laundry room that can be combined eventually into a larger bath if needed. The library can be turned into a bedroom simply by putting a bed in there. This house was designed by an older couple according to my sleuthing, so that explains the features. The yard? It is mostly forest, so it can do fine without our attention.
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You will be surprised at the difference in some costs in different locations. I can’t believe how much higher the utility rates are in MA compared to NJ. Something you might not think to factor in when comparing costs for different locations.
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We are just back from a month long test-drive of life in a small condo.
Wonderful:
walkability, close to daughters, close to sibs, has a balcony to sit with your coffee or wine, garage parking, quiet street, express bus at the end of the street, it was seattle in August - what’s not to love!
Questionable:
not very wheelchair friendly, small (but 2br,2ba), parking garage is tight, it can’t be a forever place (for example: taking out the trash includes crossing the parking lot and holding open the lid of the 5’ tall bin with one hand and slinging the garbage in with the other), can we handle Seattle winters after 40 years in sunnier climates?
We don’t have to make any decisions now. The condo belongs to MIL, who has moved into assisted living. She is happy to have us use it because that means we will visit more often. Husband’s sisters are happy because they don’t have to clean the place out yet.
Looking at tickets to return for Christmas.
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This is us too. And last night I said to my spouse, maybe we should move back to that apartment 
(Our neighbors from 26 years ago are still there!)
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This is going to sound SO trite and cliche. But do what you want to do NOW. Don’t wait to move, or downsize or wait for kids etc. Don’t wait for kid’s lives to align with yours.
I know one couple who finally moved at retirement and then the H died as soon as the move was done leaving his wife alone in a new town.
A good friend of mine had an accident and really hurt her back big time which has severly curtailed travel that was part of their plan. Ongoing drama.
Sorry. Way too many scenarios are focused on kids and where they may go etc. They might not want you there (although I’m sure everyone is wonderful).
It’s not easy to decide what you want for YOU! You may be extremely lucky in life to have a loving family who welcomes you, GREAT! But even then you need to decide what YOU want. And do it now.
Women especially see their roles as caregivers and sign up for being grandkid caregivers. There is nothing wrong with that in the least. But at the same time I don’t think you should base the rest of your llfe, where you live etc. based on your kids decisions.
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We did move to our current location because D and SIL have settled here (and now have added a GD). However:
We were looking to downsize anyway
Our previous location was not near the place we grew up. No extended family or childhood ties.
Many of our friends in the previous location had moved away in the last few years
We like the new city - the weather, politics, things it has to offer suit us
D and SIL are very happy to have us here
We don’t think of it is basing our lives on our kids decision. We made our own decision and being near family/grandchildren is a big priority for us. Yes, we do/will help them out but they help us out too and will in the future.
YMMV
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My parents second retirement home was in New Hampshire after the first was a lovely rural house in Virginia that I designed for them. It was the isolation that did them in. In NH they hired people do the things they didn’t want to do - shoveling snow, taking their garbage to the dump etc. It seemed illogical, but costwise it worked out fine.
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I’m not sure it’s a good idea to be isolated in retirement even for introverts. My husband has been talking to a lot more people on this trip then he did in the last year in our quiet suburban/urban home.
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Living near good medical care and airports can be very important as one ages.
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Such good advice here! I’m keeping in mind the universal design and 3/4 bath on the first floor.
I see what you mean, abasket, about the age of retirement impacting the potential number of moves. Not sure what our ages will be but looks to be tied to healthcare costs!
What I like re: envisioning two moves in a second stage is the idea of having an active latter third of life and proactively planning for it - rather than quickly jumping ahead in planning for the debilitated, needy, end-stage (having seen my parents there close-up, it’s always in my thoughts).
gouf78 - certainly true re: enjoying the here and now. Been taking steps to do that more lately (mountain biking, etc.). You never know how much time there is! It just requires keeping multiple scenarios in your mind simultaneously (plan for having 35, 10, and 1 [or fewer] years left…and all that those scenarios entail!).
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I love my new location and house but don’t see this as the final residence. There will be a day when this house will not work for us due to steps in both back and front as well as 3 level living. But for now it’s great. There are apartments/condos in the neighborhood. I could see transitioning there as we get older. We are in a city known for great healthcare and only about 15-20 minutes from a major airport.
My parents built a lovely 3 level home (in an isolated location) when they were in their late 50’s and empty nesters. Several years later it became very impractical for them and while they talked about moving we knew that my Dad would never go. As soon as my dad passed, my mom wanted out. It was his dream house/location but not hers.
My MIL is currently living in the house she and FIL owned for 60+ years and is getting ready to move to assisted living. It’s VERY hard for her emotionally after all those years and it’s hard for H and his sisters as it is the house they grew up in. I know she never wants to leave that house.
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I agree with this 100%. We moved a few years ago. Kids complained a little. But it was the right thing at the right time. Had we waited, prices rose almost 100% in the area we now live ( Covid and people trying to get out of the cities and close suburbs). We love the new area (kid do too) and we love the new house.
There are things we plan to do when we finally retire, but for now, we try to do as much as possible. My FIL whom I never met, bought an RV and died the next day. They never got to see the National Parks, travel across country, enjoy life. Lesson learned by my husband.
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With people living to 90 and retiring before 65, those retirement years are longer than in the past and there is definitely options for doing a few different living arrangements over that time. I lived in my past house for 34 years, I thought of it as a place to raise my kid to adulthood. (a long term residence) I don’t have the same long term picture for the next place we permanently live in.
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I do think it’s possible that empty nesters will need a few different living solution down the road. There probably needs to be a balance between taste-specific customizing and thought of eventual quick resale if needed.
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We are 60 and 62. If we move in the near future, we will likely more again as we get older. We’ve thought about active adult communities, but I doubt we will wind up in one.
We are definitely considering the availability of healthcare as we consider places to live, and at this point there’s really only 1 place we are considering, even though it’s airport options aren’t as good as we’d like.
We are actually starting to think about just staying where we are (high tax state - MD), and maybe moving to another house.
It’s certainly not perfect, but there are really good medical facilities here, our doctors, kids and friends are here, and we have 3 airports within fairly easy driving distance (20-60 minutes, when it’s not rush hour).
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For those considering various stages of health well down the road, this website is helpful comparing costs in different places.
When trying a few different zip codes, I do notice some result which seem questionable. But it’s still a good place to start. The long term health costs of course are just one minor factor, especially for young retirees and pre-retirees.
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I get “page not found” when I click on that.