I totally agree with you, @mathmom, and we have moved around the country over the years but always due to work, so not by pure choice. We have enjoyed every place we’ve lived because, as you say, you can (and should) focus on the good. My advice was directed more to those who, in retirement, can freely choose where to live. When you have fewer constraints and a move is self-directed, research and a lengthy trial stay can potentially ward off a mistake. The takeaway, though, is that no matter how well researched no place is perfect, so just make sure that you do your due diligence in finding a place that checks most of your boxes. Then bloom there and enjoy.
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This is all such great, thoughtful, and nuanced advice. Thank you!
My son is in a gorgeous western state I love. 
But after my hub gave a firm and flat “no” to the idea of moving there (too cold), I started thinking … if my son, say, met someone (or got a cool different job) and moved to Canada or France – would I still uproot my whole life on the US east coast to move to that lovely western locale without the draw of my (adult) kid?
Honestly, I don’t know that I would (at least now). Not ruling it out, but it’s not such a strong pull without my son there!
So it kinda brought me back to the drawing board, thinking about what would be good for hub and I as a couple - 'cause kids could really end up anywhere (and I’d want them to feel free to go).
showmom858 - ha, if $ were no object (now & in future) I feel like I could move to San Diego in a heartbeat! (warm [not super humid] weather + mountains!).
Latest strategy - see if hub wants to travel to FL in August! 
Let’s see the real deal!! lol
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FWIW, my comment was on topic for us (not necessarily something others care about), because we think water wars are going to be an issue in the future (others are free to disagree).
This is us, and has been us for our last two major moves from VA to FL, then FL to PA. We can pretty much live anywhere we want. When we chose to move to FL we had warm weather/water stars in our eyes so moved. We enjoyed it for 5 years having our kids there, etc, but during that process we realized we missed winter, missed living closer to the grandparents, and didn’t enjoy living in a city vs rural.
When we moved from FL to PA we did a LOT more research and put thought into it. We’ve been happy here for 26 years now. But we’re getting older and starting to wonder what we’re going to do when we grow up - hence more thought and consideration of what will work for us.
As you wrote, it’s what everyone in “our” situation should do putting their likes/dislikes and caution flags into it using their variables.
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I would be a perfect snowbird…with one place in winters near where one of my kids lives…and summers in the other place near where the second kid lives.
I wouldn’t even want anything big or fancy.
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We’re rather enjoying the idea of two near the Great Lakes not far from each other and one in Puerto Rico. Big water near both and fun areas to spend time in. PA works well for spring and fall, plus as a home base.
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Maybe I’ll just follow my Navy kid wherever he’s stationed. 
Next stop is England.
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Maybe we all should bounce around at each other’s kid’s places too. Why just camp out with our own? We could start a new trend.
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Ha… good luck getting my kids to answer your text messages on that. Then again, maybe they will like you better than us
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I had a friend that did just that for a few days. Exchanged mothers who were probably in their 80’s.
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I’d be afraid if my kid changed mothers it would be for keeps to get back at me for all the times I told him when he was little that Trader Joe’s was where moms go to trade in their current kids for newer/better ones.
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My mom finds it most comforting to be around people she’s familiar with—close family members and her regular aides. It’s working pretty well and wouldn’t want to agitate her by changing anything.
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@HImom you do know these folks are joking…right?
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They may be joking but I was not.
There used to be a TV show – maybe on TLC – about families exchanging wives. They’d swap a country-club, everything perfect mom for a crunchy granola type. It was amusing.
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Yep Wife Swap. I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve watched it more than once
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Haha love the parent swap idea.
On the topic of ‘following kids’ - wondered what people thought about that - what variables you consider? My brother-in-law is absolutely adament that he won’t follow his kids (he’s a devoted dad but his kids have moved around a lot in their 20s). He built a gorgeous, extra-large retirement home- but, frankly, the kids haven’t stayed there much.
At this point I’m thinking that if son bought property (and perhaps had a long-term significant other and maybe kids?) that I would relocate, for at least part of the year. As he is a (newly) single guy with a fast-moving career - I wouldn’t want to pressure him by moving at this stage (I think?).
We go back and forth about this. I LOVE where we are living and could see being here forever (albeit in a smaller downsized condo) BUT, we have one child. If we ever have grandchildren, I think all bets are off and I would move almost anywhere ; )
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So…what do you all suggest when your adult kids live 2500 miles apart…and neither intends to move?
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@thumper1 – Tell me about it. Seattle, Charlotte and us in Connecticut. 
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Though we miss our son and love being with him whenever we can, he has a life independent of us, and there is no telling how many times he’ll move or where he’ll land permanently, if he ever does. To us, it doesn’t make sense to try to live near him. How long would that last? Would he even want us close? How close is too close? Grandchildren wouldn’t change that.
A while back, I joked on another thread when I saw that the house next door to him was for sale. I quickly texted him and his fiancée with the link and a note, “Dad and I are taking a look!” then waited for the response. Fiancée texted back with, “Ha Ha! I see where ChoatieLT gets his sense of humor.” Son said, “We’ve already shown your picture to the neighbors. No go, mom.” Too close, I guess. But there’s another one just up the street…
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