Reporting back after spending two weeks, including Thanksgiving, at our new second home (downsized apartment). It went really well, saw my daughter a couple of times (train ride was only 20 minutes) and while she was with us (stayed over the holiday weekend) two of her friends came by to see her.
The place is really quiet, a little bit busier this past weekend, since many had family visiting. It is actually quieter than our current home that sits on 1/2 acre (we have a noisy neighbor whose driveway is near ours).
We are trying to work out our plan for the Christmas holiday, I am leaving it up to my daughter.
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Since my D has moved out her room is now the guest bedroom and my office. Itâs still her room when she comes and visits. Sâs room still has most of his stuff still in it, since heâs at college and hasnât really moved out completely and we expect him to be home for summers and vacations. That said when heâs at school we wouldnât hesitate to use his room for guests.
Dâs old room came in handy when I was sick a few years ago and was coughing non stop and H slept in there so I wouldnât keep him up all night with my hackingâŠ
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I am intrigued by co-housing, but no interest for doing it ourselves. (At our last winery outing with other couples, my husband mused about getting a big place nice for the house-hunting couple in the group and the rest of us. I probably need to discourage that because the others seemed ready to jump in.)
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When we moved to San Diego six years ago, we believed we would have lots of visitors and were a bit concerned with only three bedrooms. After all, we live near all the tourist areas and have a great pool and hot tub in our resort style back yard. One bedroom is completely used as an office with desks and files etc. One is the guest room - I use it a lot as my den and crafts/puzzle room. It has most of sonâs furniture so I think of it as his room.
In the end, we have had few visitors. Our son comes twice a year (non pandemic). Husbandâs sister and my brother have each come once. Niece came once. Twice other friends have come.
And thatâs it. So plenty of room for the two of us!
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Iâve had friends and family whoâve said the same thing. I know some people who bought a big house when they retired, so they could have kids, grandkids, friends, and relatives come visit. In some cases, they donât get as many visitors as they thought. A co-worker of mine, bought a big house thinking there would be room for all the grandkids. Her son never had kids and her daughter only had 1 kid. But thatâs ok, they have the money and the house is wonderful.
I also know people who were so concerned with having only 3 bedrooms and from what Iâve heard itâs worked out fine. For us it works out. Then again we usually donât have too many guests visiting all at once, and most of our family lives nearby.
Its funny because when my sister comes to visit, she and her husband insist on staying in a hotel. Theyâre welcome to stay with us, especially if the kids arenât there. But I let them do what they want.
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One house we bid on a while back when looking for a âdownsizeâ place was being sold by a couple who custom built it to be their retirement home. It was perfect for a couple with occasional adult visitors but not so much for multiple toddlers to run around. The sellers underestimated how many grandchildren their kids would âgiftâ them that would be visiting, LOL. The tell tale sign of that toddler activity was broken glass we found inside their custom Ortal fireplace during our inspection. Those were leftovers from the accident when the grands were playing ball in the family room. 
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The largest two models in our community are both two-story homes over 3500-4000 sq.ft. The majority of retiree buyers for those homes purchased them with the intent of entertaining kids, grandkids, and extended family who only visited with the frequency @Marilyn described above. So many of them are now sitting empty. They are the hardest to unload, and the developer is no longer offering them to build.
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ShawWife wanted to do co-housing with friends. Smaller units in a building with a gym and shop and rooms for various familiesâs kids/visitors to stay when needed. Large room for parties. But, our friends sadly have their own preferences (how dare they?) and also very different financial situations. So, we ended up upsizing.
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Weâve had this conversation several times, no conclusion! Our house right now is âright sizeâ as @BunsenBurner put it. We have room for the kids when they come back and can also house the SOs and grandkids when that happens!
Weâve talked of moving elsewhere for retirement - potentially downsizing. One of the key things weâd like to change is the bedroom - have a bedroom and bathroom on the first floor. Saw too many problems with my parents who refused to move from their second floor apt with only stairs and no elevator.
Biggest problem is having our close friends move with us - weâd love for that to happen, but as @shawbridge said, they seem to have different priorities and financial situations. Right now, we are all within a 1/2 hour drive of each other.
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Wow. Do you mind sharing how many sq. feet your house is? No biggie if you donât want to.
I donât intend to retire and would love to move my tax residence to a no tax state at some point. In a few years, I will have to take huge RMDs from my 401k on top of my income in a few years. I really would like to live someplace warm in the winters. My work is completely portable but ShawD needs a studio in each location. We already have a serious house and half of another house (alas in Canada so it doesnât do the trick on warmth in winter). So, while it could be a great financial move, the logistics of managing may just be too daunting.
But, the family we bought the house from did just that. Mom & Dad eventually moved into the in-law suite and spent 6 months a year in Florida and one of the daughters and her family moved into the main house.
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Over 4700 sf plus we converted a garage into a 900 sf art studio, which could be livable space for another owner (has a bathroom â so there are now 7 BRs â and one could put in a kitchen). The family had 6 kids so there was a need for lots of BRs and BAs, but they were pretty small. One of the bigger BRs clearly was subdivided at one point, so the house could have 8 BRs.
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Tax smart or not, we havenât had a mortgage in decades and have no plans to. Of course, if we couldnât manage it without a mortgage, we would do so reasonably and with no regrets. But having the choice, we prefer no debt. Understand all who think differently.
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Surprising.
We moved and downsized to Florida. I have mentioned several times that our first place was a 2 BR/2 BA with only 935 sq ft. The 2nd BR had to be multi-purpose for us so only had a sleeper sofa. We literally had overnight company every six weeks (on average - I keep a guest book so I know) for the first year and half we lived here. Even with just a sleeper sofa to offer!! We donât have a large family - most guests were friends who came for long weekend visits. I have now implemented a, âno more than four nights for non-familyâ rule.
Until Covid, it was a revolving door!
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On co-housing - for about a year Iâve been extremely interested in this concept - the idea of living alone in the elder years did not appeal and absolutely loved the mixed age aspect.
Having a few second thoughts after recent multi-day visit with a large group of family and friends (all of whom are delightful!). I was exhausted! Wondering how co-housing might work for non-extroverts⊠
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On building a home big enough for visitors (who may or may not come) - thatâs why I love the âlittle extra houseâ idea. No feeling of regret over building something too big thatâs unused (I see that potentially happening for my retiree friends in their huge place) - and maybe can AirBnB the little house if looks like no visitors.
Ha, this would presuppose the $$ to have an extra little house, but I still like the idea!
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I think a great option for those that downsize but are worried about having room for guests is to do some looking and see if you can find a high-rated, close to your home AIRBNB situation that besides date availability, you know you can count on. My brotherâs family of 4 is coming over the holidays and my house will be full with kids/SO returning. We found a cute 2 bedroom home less than a mile from our house for less than the price of a hotel. They will have the ability to have more space than a hotel room, have a kitchen to cook a little if they like, laundry facilities, dining and desk space if someone wants to work a bit - even a yard if it snows and they want to build a snowman!
If this rental goes well we will surely check this spot first when out of towners are coming and our inn is full.
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We are thinking about âwhatâs nextâ and we have thought about moving away from our current area for about 5 years, to go out and experience other places, but then we would likely want to move back once we start having grand-kids in the picture. One problem where we live, and Iâm sure in other areas also, is once you move out, you may not be able to afford moving back.
We will only âfollow a kidâ if itâs to a place weâd like to live even if kid moves.
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Instead of co-housing, one couple, who are good friends, urged us and several friends to buy a condo near them in a warm-weather state. All of the folks he has talked to are fairly to seriously affluent and a number were his college roommates. We started to consider it but Iâm less crazy about that area and several folks did buy in the area, one in the same building. They told us that when he retires from his current job, he is going to move to another area of our current state (for his spring/summer/fall house) and again is suggesting that others do so. One or two of the couples already have houses there. We probably wonât be part of that group, but we do love the organizing couple.
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I have an older friend who did that - she and three friends all downsized to the same community in FL. Itâs been a few years now and she loves it. They workout together in the morning, travel together, and they formed a bubble when Covid started so they werenât totally isolated. I think you need the right personalities to make that work, and obviously same financial level.
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