<p>Truly great post, mamita. My biggest problem I have when I read threads here on cc is seeing that people are so quick to judge and make sweeping generalizations.</p>
<p>I am still shocked and smarting from mn’s comment on the first page: "Then you have to factor in the entitlement attitude common in the poor population and why SHOULD they get an education?? "</p>
<p>I know this was 15 pages ago, but it has left a sting. It is indicative of the narrow-mindedness of this country, and until people stop imagining the motivations of others we will never have real change in this country.</p>
<p>I also wondered if the phone and TV alluded to earlier could have been a gift. We certainly aren’t privy to the specifics on others’ financials, their purchases, their belongings.</p>
<p>People would probably assume that my kids’ smart phones were purchased for them by their parents. Not so, though we do pay for the phone bill now (for years our kids bought their phones and even reimbursed us for the monthly plan, as at that time, we considered them to be “nonessential”).</p>
<p>I think my perspective is closest to choirfarm’s. We are in an affluent county in the suburbs of a major city. My kids went to a public ES with 6-8 pct free/reduced lunch rate. Our HS rate is a bit higher as it drawa from six ESs. Somehow we also have Community groups assembling backpacks,school supplies, winter coats, giving trees, hats, mittens, etc. I have no idea where this bounty goes and I too wonder about entitlement (and smart phones). </p>
<p>Several years ago, when in a PTA role, the was an event that coalesced much of this for me. The school had been given a sum of money, which required PTA agreement on the expense. The administrator chose to buy a pair of Nikes for a child who needed sneakers. I never understood why sneakers from Target would suffice (as they did for my kid, now a full pay at an LAC).</p>
<p>Do you know that these Nikes were expensive? There are plenty of ways to get off-price brand names. As for the TV, the lady worked at wall-mart, where people literally kill eachother to get incredibly cheap tvs on Black Friday. Again, I have a terrible time with the judgemental attitude. And the idea of the impoverished feeling “entitled”? Please. I know a lot of entitled people here and believe me, they are not the poor!</p>
<p>I feel terribly for the child raised in poverty, and I do not begrudge him his new sneakers.</p>
<p>I know people who will literally go without meals to give their children smart phones and Nikes. They do it because they don’t want their children to be embarrassed or taunted for being poor and they don’t feel that their children should suffer for the mistakes they have made in life.</p>
<p>The TVs are most likely on rent-to-own. The cost difference between a regular TV and a big flat screen one doesn’t seem a lot when you are paying it weekly, and you can get deals to encourage you to go for the bigger ones. Also, it’s quite common for people to have one good room in their apartments. You put all your good stuff in there and close the doors to the other rooms, so no-one can see what you don’t have.</p>
<p>Mom 22039-- I’m confused as to how it is “entitlement” for kids to have school supplies that their parents otherwise could not afford. Should they just show up at school without shoes, or paper, or pencils? And, if they attend school in an affluent area, they may as well wear a yellow badge stating, “I am POOR”. That said, it does seem reasonable to know how decisions are made regarding who receives these items. Why not buy two pairs of Target or Payless sneakers (two children could benefit) rather than the one pair of Nikes? </p>
<p>One of my favorite local “charities” is a program that brings together low-income families and community volunteers in bi-monthly activities for families. All adults assist in the running of the program; low-income families earn tickets which they can spend or save (earning interest in tickets) for items such as school supplies, diapers, clothes, and so forth. Families do not just show up and get items, so it is less demeaning to them. (Having been in the position to refer families to food banks, I am aware of how many families loathe to be in the position of needing freebies, while there may be others who become so inured to this aspect of life that they come to expect it.)</p>
<p>Delay of gratification and long-term planning are important for all kids to develop, not just lower-income children. I have seen plenty of middle-class or affluent kiddos throwing bratty tantrums on field trips so that mommy would buy them expensive throw-away souvenirs at every gift shop we passed. And mommy and daddy sure did… Entitlement knows no barriers!</p>
<p>Put yourself, for one minute, inside the head of a child who is impoverished. The clothes he wears constantly shouts to the world, “I’m poor, I’m less of a person.” Name brand sneakers to him might not just be a status symbol, they might give him (sadly) a little bit of pride and sense of self worth. Now a kid with extra money might not need to have the boost, might need to have the lesson that it’s better to buy the pay-less sneaker. My point is, this is a much more nuanced issue than those with reactionary opinions want to allow.</p>
<p>This sounds great. One of the things that struck me at a recent diversity luncheon at work was how great a gulf there is between me and others in my own department whose experiences are so different from mine.</p>
<p>It should be fairly easy to find out. We have a very large women’s shelter in a nearby city that always has a lot of school-aged children, which our school and community groups donate to. I don’t think that entitlement is a word that would ever come to mind in describing those who have found a temporary home there.</p>
<p>One of the community service groups my son and I were involved in during his HS years regularly prepared snacks for the children in the after-school care in this shelter, and delivered them. Our kids (usually only two or three at a time) made the food, set the table for the children and interacted with them during the snack. It was a good opportunity for our own to see with their own eyes “where this bounty goes.”</p>
<p>In case you haven’t seen today’s NYT, here is an apropo article about those who receive aide. It is not “just” the lowest on the economic ladder. And, as you can see, not all those who are “entitled” to aide are happy they qualify or happy to get it.</p>
<p>"Somehow we also have Community groups assembling backpacks,school supplies, winter coats, giving trees, hats, mittens, etc. I have no idea where this bounty goes and I too wonder about entitlement (and smart phones). "</p>
<p>Are you saying what I think you are saying? That putting mittens on cold little hands breeds entitlement? </p>
<p>Do you know how shocking this sounds?</p>
<p>Apparently you do have no idea about where this “bounty” goes.</p>
<p>…and we can teach kids from early on that if they graduate high school, don’t have kids before marriage and don’t have a child before 20 that there is only an 8% change that they will be poor. Don’t do the above and there is a 79% chance that they will be poor. </p>
<p>Teach them and then it’s up to personal responsibility.</p>
<p>My community also has a program to purchase school supplies for kids who don’t have them. I don’t know about where you all live, but in this area, if charities don’t help out the poorest kids, teachers end up paying for the basic supplies and I have a huge problem with that.</p>
<p>Let’s also be real here. Just because most poor people are doing the best they can doesn’t mean that there isn’t a population with the entitlement mentality. Of course there is. And many of that subset feels entitled to take what they want and ends up in prison. Which doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be trying to get the kids educated young and on the right path, but it’s silly to think that everyone who is a lousy parent is blameless. The hard truth is that there is a population of parents who will never, ever raise successful, educated citizens and unless we are willing to take custody of their kids, which we generally are not, we will always have an underclass.</p>
<p>There are people who will stay poor no matter how much we intervene. I want to work with those that I can help and really make a difference. It it hard to tell the difference and a lot of resources are spent on the wrong solutions.</p>
<p>momof3greatgirls, I volunteer directly and I have to admit (and I know this doesn’t reflect well on me) that there have been times when I fantasized about taking certain kids home with me because I know they will never be taken care of properly in their own homes.</p>
<p>Zooserman you are not the only one. I pains me and so I try to avoid these situations anymore. The heartbreak is too painful for me. I just can not do it anymore.</p>