EPGY Essay Help

<p>Okay, I decided to make a whole new thread since after I got my responses to the first essay, no one really visited the thread to see my other question. :D</p>

<p>My next essay asks me to explain my 'intellectual interests', and thanks to SweetestSith, I got the main idea about it.</p>

<p>I'm attempting to write about my interest in psycology despite the fact that I have not taken any special classes on it. Can anyone help me with this? I barely am on my first paragraph and need much help with it.</p>

<p>I'll also need suggestions for my other essays, so please do visit this frequently! Thank yoU!</p>

<p>Hey, I missed that this was for EPGY. </p>

<p>Okay, what they want to know is that you are dedicated in your head and what your passions are for your intellectual pursuits. Like journaling for example, "Journaling is a interest for me because of the joy of putting words together, I show that interest by spending hours formulating different word orders because I love playing with words" something alone those lines I believe. If you want to take it to PM's I'd love to help out a bit if I can =)</p>

<p>here is my essay. i don't think it's as good as the other one but please do read and give me your inputs!</p>

<ol>
<li>Please discuss your current intellectual interests. Discuss any formative experiences that may have shaped these interests. How do you hope to further these interests through the EPGY Online High School? You may attach additional pages if needed.</li>
</ol>

<p>A few of my intellectual interests include psychology and debate. How people think, how they interact with each other, and how they respond to series of events is vastly fascinating. As for debate, since I was very small I have always enjoyed voicing my opinion and debating, and an instructor who had scored 99th percentile on the LSAT aided me in the study of logic, which I believe to be very important in debating. </p>

<p>Although I have not taken any specialized courses on this study, I am very much interested in psychology. Psychology, I believe, is one of the studies which the least has been exposed to us at this time. No one can claim to understand the workings of a human mind fully and completely, and because there’s so much to learn more about it one can explore all possibilities and theorize the most extraordinary freely and without set limits. </p>

<p>One day in class my classmates and I were discussing the reasons why sunglasses may have been one of the most remarkable inventions of the modern history. Despite the obvious reasons such as the fashion expansion, I argued that sunglasses have been invented originally for a psychological reason and that therefore the best thing this invention has done is improve our knowledge about our minds. How almost everything humans do relates to psychology is profoundly captivating to me. One thing one can be sure of when it comes to this field of study is that the human mind is incredibly complex, and that therefore it is veiled beneath multiple layers of ambiguity.</p>

<p>Since I was very small I always loved voicing my opinions and debating for what I believe. However, these arguments were based only on my thoughts; they were neither organized nor supported by strong examples. As I grew up I realized the importance of logical and critical thinking, and I began to apply them to my debates. People heard me out more often and began to respect me as a person rather than an inane child who simply argues for the sake of arguing.</p>

<p>I hope to further these interests through all that EPGY Online High School can offer. From what I have learned the school is planning on arranging a debate team which I am interested in being a part of. The school curriculum’s emphasis on writing, discussion, and argumentation appeals to me a great deal as well. Furthermore, one of the core courses titled Education, Technology, and Modern Society combines the study of not only causes and natures of scientific and technological developments but also how these developments formed the society we live in and our history. I believe that this course will not only help me in my study of psychology but also critical thinking and philosophy.</p>

<p>Most public schools focus only on bombarding the students with information and therefore do not fully respect the students’ personal interests. EPGY Online High School, on the other hand, will be able to both offer the knowledge I need and provide enough time for expanding my intellectual interests. The school offers much of what I need; all I should to do now is fulfill what it cannot offer with what I can offer to the school.</p>

<p>pretty good i think.</p>

<p>but it kinda seems unorganized to me..</p>

<p>I agree. Nice essay, but it could use some tightening up. I especially like the part where you tell how EPGY can help you further your interests. The part about sunglasses is good, too, because of the way you express your interest in the human mind. (Sunglasses invented for psychological reasons? I always thought it was to protect one's eyes from bright sunlight... ? --These thoughts not related to essay strength in any way...)</p>

<p>Just a few suggestions: Two interests would be "a couple," not "a few." I don't think the LSAT score of your instructor is particularly relevant. It just sounds like you are trying to impress.</p>

<p>This part is a bit rambling: "Psychology, I believe, is one of the studies which the least has been exposed to us at this time. No one can claim to understand the workings of a human mind fully and completely, and because there’s so much to learn more about it one can explore all possibilities and theorize the most extraordinary freely and without set limits. " I think it could be shortened and be stronger. If you want ideas on how to do that, post here, and I will add more. With your strength in writing, you can probably figure it out. :)</p>

<p>Really, your writing is wonderful for someone not yet in high school!</p>

<p>Thanks Susantm. I changed that rambling one into this:</p>

<p>It is a study of which so little has been exposed to us at this time; no one can claim to understand the workings of a human mind fully and completely. Because there’s so much to learn more about it one can explore all possibilities and theorize the most extraordinary freely and without set limits. </p>

<p>Better? I changed the few to couple and i think it's ready to go.</p>

<p>I would just change "because there's so much to learn more about it" to "because there's still so much to learn about it." That "more" just sounds out of place. The rest sounds fine.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>susantm, im working on my other essays...would you mind me pming them 2 you so you can proofread it? pretty please?</p>

<p>its just that my mom wants me to get it read by my tutor or someone like that, but i dont feel very uncomfortable with that.</p>

<p>Sure, I'd be happy to read them. You may either PM them to me or email them. I'll try to get back to you quickly.
:)</p>