“which is what is so offensive” YOU find the remarks offensive.
Most, if not all ,other people here do not.
@sevmom, I find the remarks so offensive because I am aware of my background; a lot of people (but not all) with my background, when stating exactly what Hanna said, would say those things to sneer and look down on others.
People with different backgrounds and different perspectives may not realize the context in which the comments are being made and may not realize how offensive they might be intended to be.
We can all differ. I can respect your position. My family members found Hanna’s comments insulting, and others do as well.
Well, I am going to suggest the mere fact that you had to qualify your statement by saying that your sibling choose the state school because “it offered a very good specific program” and “the state school is a fine school- not Berkley…” might be an indication of the micro aggressions that they have been facing, from you and others since choosing the state school. You might not even know notice that you are doing it It is not surprising how that level of judgement, intentional or not, is tiring and can put someone on the defensive after awhile.
@labegg you are correct; my sibling definitely has been facing microaggressions about the school from people generally. People falsely assume that because I went to Harvard and my sibling went to a state school, my sibling just “wanted to have a good time” and hasn’t done as well, career-wise. I have to constantly explain to people how amazingly well my sibling has done; far better than I have.
That’s another reason why I am so troubled by Hanna’s posts–and my sibling viewed claims that people in state schools are just there to “have a good time” as particularly offensive because my sibling worked so hard there, and because my sibling was so driven.
She NEVER said people in state schools are just there to “have a good time.”.
@sevmom, Hanna’s exact words are, “They are busy having a good time.” That’s what made one relative’s blood boil.
In other words, they are not envious of kids at elite privates like X, Y, Z, because they love their school and have the whole package- academics, sports, school spirit, etc. They are at great public schools that are the best fit for them and many are having a good time . And kids at private schools hopefully are having a good time as well. It’s all good!
My opinion: 0% chance Hanna meant anything even remotely offensive, it clearly meant “having a great experience”. That’s how I read it, and since she explained what she meant there should be no doubt.
And if proper posting form is to be discussed, Appending words to someone else’s text following quotes and potentially changing their meaning is, IMHO, not proper.
@sevmom and @Postmodern it’s a violation of the forum rules to make posts that make others feel unwelcome. When this whole thread is about one kid going to an Ivy and the other going to a state school, to post that people at state schools are simply trying to “have a good time” is dismissive and offensive, and thus unwelcoming.
Anyone can post something that’s intended to offend, and then try to spin it, once posted, as not intentionally offensive.
Finally, as social science teaches us today, it’s not the words that are used that count; it’s the privileged position of the person stating them; one’s identity counts as much as the words used. A person of privilege making a derogatory statement about the non-privileged, and claiming after the fact that the statement is not intended to offend, is still offensive.
@Postmodern, my relative who went to the state school and worked his tail off there saw Hanna’s post and replied, “I was busy studying and lining up internships; I wasn’t busy partying it up as that post suggests”.
I’ve made my points. This thread should be closed.
“I went to Harvard. Decades ago.” Many that were accepted to places like Harvard decades ago would not be there today. They may even be at a state school!
@sevmom you’re exactly right. That’s why I try to be super-careful about not denigrating other schools.
I’ve never seen you sneer dismissively at other schools. We should be as open-minded and non-judgmental as you are. I mean that sincerely and as a compliment.
I am one of those people who went to my state flagship (in the south, no less) “decades ago” who never gave a moments thought to what students at Ivy League schools were doing and yes, I was “busy having a good time” as Hanna said. I also did quite well academically and had a happy career. I didn’t read anything offensive in her post but I’m picking up some major pity/condescension from yours. Apparently people like me are looked down upon by people who attended “elite” northeastern institutions? Who knew? I never noticed or actually would have cared if I had noticed. I’m quite proud of my alma mater and as far as I’m concerned if someone wasn’t busy having a good time then they did college all wrong.
I’m sorry your sibling didn’t have a good time at the state school they attended but maybe he/she is sensitive because they pick up a whiff of superiority from you. I certainly have from your posts on this thread.
Yes, I think you owe her an apology and maybe you owe one to those of us you seem to think need defending. Actually, I feel quite privileged and I see no reason to close this thread.
@Joblue yes, unfortunately there are some who would look down in particular on people at a school in the South.
There are some people-on both sides of the Mason-Dixon Line-who look down on each other, unfortunately. For example, one Harvard professor I had stated that certain aspects of Southern government institutions compared unfavorably with Nazi Germany. Further, the student paper included an article about a student Southern society, and the photo that was included was a photo of KKK members bearing Confederate flags. Please consider spending some time in other circles and you’ll see it.
None of my Harvard classmates or I would have described our experiences at Harvard as “being busy having a good time”. My best friends from there and I all enjoyed it and had positive experiences, but we were busy studying, being involved in organizations and job interviewing. It wasn’t socially acceptable to look down on other schools, but I do recall one classmate saying that if he hadn’t gone to Harvard, he could have gone to his local state school and had a better time, so there was a sense that people at lower-ranked schools didn’t have to work as much and could have better social lives.
Hanna is not getting an apology. To the contrary, I’ve asked her to be more careful in posting things that might come across as offensive to people who do not share her background. I think that’s a fair request.
People say stupid things in college. Some people are d_bags, regardless of school. Rivalry between schools, thinking your major is harder, thinking you are all that because you went to a certain school, etc. goes with the territory. Most people grow out of it and the first job or two tends to be a great equalizer .
I think it’s a fair request that you not say things to other posters like “Check your privilege.”
@sevmom, it’s Hanna who has repeatedly brought up the concept of privilege. I think that it’s appropriate for her to raise the issue. “Check your privilege” is a common expression where I live: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/check-your-privilege. It’s simply a friendly reminder, in my case without any negative sentiment or malice whatsoever, to be aware of our own backgrounds and advantages. I’ve never seen anyone take offense at it, other than a few Trump supporters on realclearpolitics.com.
So, in short, in my case, “check your privilege” is simply a light, well-meaning and intentionally helpful remark.
Well, she has not responded recently to you so maybe she’s out enjoying the holiday weekend. Hope you and everyone here is having a nice Memorial Day weekend!
You’ve edited your last post since I replied. Trust me, I am no Trump supporter! Not sure your remarks in general to Hanna are as light and helpful as you may think they are coming across as. All the best.
@sevmom thanks and likewise! Best wishes to everyone, and thanks to all for sharing in this discussion.
Thanks @HappyAlumnus !