essay good enough for cornell?

<p>Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe the influence.</p>

<pre><code>Distinguished, dignified, full of life and dynamic are only a few words that could describe a sixty seven year old man that had a significant impact on my life. Before meeting Ronal Hall, motivation in my life was clearly non-existent, which is the main reason for my grades freshman year in high school. Then on November 20th 2004 I met someone. At first sight he did not appear to be the typical sixty seven year old man. Instead he was tall, had teeth, and had this vibrant and bubbly personality about him. I thought all old people were wrinkled and hunched backed; well he certainly changed the way I looked at old people from that point on, this was one of the many lessons the sagacious Ronald Hall taught me.

After speaking he asked me about my aspirations. Little did he know that I was one of six children which none of went to college, two of which didn’t even complete high school. My expectations weren’t high; I told him I wanted to become banker. He then told me “You’re a smart kid, you can aim higher.” What? I only been speaking to him a little over a twenty minutes and he’s telling me I can aim higher? I didn’t understand. He encouraged me to join Mamre SDA Pathfinder Club. He also didn’t know that I was a loner and timid person. Then he quoted something I would never forget “Walk not in front of them, for you will be casting your shadow upon them. Walk not behind them, for you will be immersed in their shadow, Walk level, for then nobody is left in the darkness.” I had NO CLUE of what he meant.

Three years down the line because of Ronald, I have received four awards from Mamre Pathfinder Club, I’ve become drilling and marching/drum instructor of the club, I’ve joined even more organization, I’ve become a honor student, a peer tutor, and played on the boys volleyball team at my high school. After his passing, I finally understood what he meant by his quote, Even though I was not as academically competitive as other students I should not refrain from trying. If I am willing, I should work hard enough to become just as good leaving no one left in the darkness. It is for these reasons why I revere Ronald Hall, and claim him to be the most influential person in my life.
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<p>Um, I don't like it. First of all, you give a very weak excuse for your grades; I'd take that out. Plus, you claim you met this guy on November 20th, 2004.. I assume that's a typo.</p>

<p>Way to insult bankers. What if the admissions committee member that reads this essay was a banker, or has a family member who's a banker? You think that they want to read an inference that bankers are unintelligent and of a lower class? </p>

<p>The quote about shadows and walking is very pretentious and doesn't seem to fit, and you barely even describe your relationship or what has happened between you. Don't explain what extracurriculars you've done - you wasted half a paragraph on that, but it should already be mentioned in your resume or extracurricular list. </p>

<p>Also spellcheck/grammar-check, I saw a few mistakes.</p>

<p>I'd scrap this essay and find someone else to focus on, or do some heavy reworking. Otherwise, I hope you have really good stats.</p>

<p>why do you think the quote was fake</p>

<p>I don't think it's fake, I think it's pretentious and out of place.</p>

<p>i agree with jasonx about your essay. while cornell wants to hear about how you've changed from you interactions with this 60 year old amn with teeth, i dont think they want a laundry list of your new EC's. a rewrite is definately in order.</p>

<p>if i make those changes will it be good enough or just scrap the whole thing?</p>

<p>Distinguished, dignified, full of life and dynamic are only the few words that could describe a sixty seven year old man that had a significant impact on my life. Before meeting Ronal Hall, motivation and maturity was clearly non-existent in my life, then on November 20th 2001 I met someone. At first sight he did not appear to be the typical sixty seven year old man. Instead he was tall, had teeth, and had this vibrant and bubbly personality about him. I thought all old people were wrinkled and hunched backed; well he certainly changed my perspective of the elderly, this was one of the many lessons the sagacious Ronald Hall taught me.</p>

<pre><code>He asked me about my aspirations. Little did he know that I was one of six children which none of went to college, two of which didn’t even complete high school. My expectations weren’t high; I was told by so many people that I wouldn’t make it and that I should give up while I was ahead. He then told me “You’re a smart kid, you should know better” I didn’t understand why I would be disheartened by family and friends then supported by a stranger; it didn’t make sense to me. Then he quoted something I would never forget “In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.”

I always ask myself where I would be if it wasn’t for him and his words of encouragement; I would have never considered applying to Cornell University or college itself. Ronald Hall provided me with opportunities for the development of new attitudes towards life, and new skills that produces personal growth. His attitude was a vital ingredient in guaranteeing my success. He encourage me to discover my potential, it is for these reasons I revere Ronald Hall and claim him to be the most influential person in my life.
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<p>SCRAP THIS?</p>

<p>lol..i have to agree with jason, i suggest if you have some time scrap that essay and think of something more creative...(there are way too many risks involved in that essay, and i know that i can write an essay in a matter of 30 minutes, just spit out what's on your mind on paper, and then thoroughly check the content and grammer several HUNDRED times lol and ask other ppl like u are now, but as for this essay i think it has to go for a 3 pointer in the garbageee</p>

<p>first paragraph is VERY awkward...it sounds confusing, like youre talking about the person you met, and only later on you say that you met him...its weird...</p>

<p>I TOOK INTO CONSIDERATION EVERYTHING THAT WAS SAID: THIS IS MY FINAL EDITING THANKS</p>

<p>Distinguished, dignified, life full of dynamism is only the few words that could describe a sixty seven year old man that had a significant impact on my life. Before meeting Ronald Hall, motivation and maturity of life was clearly non-existent. At first sight he did not appear to be the typical sixty seven year old man, instead he appeared to be well-built and had a pulsating personality about him.</p>

<pre><code>He asked me about my life ambition. My expectations were high; but I was unwilling to disclose them to him. But after speaking to him for some time, I came to the conclusion that he wanted to impart his knowledge to me. Then he quoted “You are a brilliant boy.” I found it ironic that I would be disheartened by family and friends then supported by a stranger; it didn’t make much sense to me. Then he quoted “In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.” I was confused at first by what he meant but I came to the realization that light illuminates darkness, the sight of the ones who listens to constructive advice; if they are followed and applied it will eventually lead to actualization of their life dream and ambitions. While failure and agony awaits those who refuses to adhere to instruction, as a result they will fall into perpetual darkness full of sorrow and regrets.

Consequently, after the conversation was over, I asked myself what would be the result of my life history; I was convinced he was a god-send. Ronald Hall is a man full of momentum that has brought me to the limelight of success because of his instruction. He encourage me to discover my potential, it is for these reasons I revere Ronald Hall and claim him to be the most influential person in my life.
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