Exhausted in competitive sports

My daughter decided she didn’t want to play in college when she was a hs sophomore. Fine. We’d moved during her sophomore year and she had tried to join a club team but was too late. After they saw her play her sophomore season, they begged her to join (but play on a lower level team) and she said no, but decided to join a new club team that a coach at the rival high school started. It was great, and much cheaper.

Then late in her junior year she decided she might want to play in college so we started the recruiting game very very late. The club coach was helpful, but we really lucked into a situation that was perfect for her and we made it work financially with a merit and athletic scholarship.

It doesn’t have to be a nightmare. It can be fun. It can be the right academic, athletic, and financial fit. It can mean spring break on the beach for MOM! (okay, that was an added bonus)

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My impression from the youth soccer field sidelines was that if you plotted parental craziness on the y-axis, and parental success in sports on the x-axis, the plot was an upside down u. Parents who were never into sports were low key because they weren’t into sports. Parents who had achieved a high level of athletic success (former DI to pro athletes) were low key because they understood youth soccer was low consequence. The parents who were pretty good high school athletes but thought they might have had the talent to be at the next level were nuts.

Cal Ripkin Jr. wrote a pretty good book called something like “Parenting Young Athletes the Ripkin Way.” It starts with the overall philosophy of “you had your childhood, let your kid have theirs,” which was a no-brainer to me, but gave some really good tactical advice that I really valued.

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Many people put a lot of money and time into their kids sports. Does it help them get into college? Maybe. Yes. And no. Sometimes it helps, but not always. The downsides are the kid may burn out and either not enjoy it any more or quit before they even go to college. Also, injuries can sideline an athlete and then what? My son was very into sports from a young age–baseball, wrestling, and then bmx. When he was 16 he was injured and although he could’ve gone back to being competitive, he chose not to. He occasionally went to bmx races just for fun and to hang out with friends. He started focusing on other things. And I felt we had some money (freed up from sports) to put into other activities including tutoring. He got in to a great school. He was offered good merit aid from several schools and personally I’m proud he did this based on academics. Very few of these college athletes will go on to be professional athletes, so I am glad his main energy, focus, and abilities are not on sports. I think he will possibly participate in club sports or rec.

I think you can do your own thing. Don’t feel pressured to do the extra training, etc. unless it is required. Of course, those who do that will start to improve more, but that is making a big decision for your child’s life. They will sacrifice other activities. They might be fine with that, but that is also because they don’t have time to explore many other interests so how can they know what they are missing?

I have a kid playing D1, individual sport. This was all him, since a young age, he wanted it, sacrifices and all. I think if parents push the kids then they would be done in middle/high school because it is truly intense. All training/competition/travel, all the time. And D1 even more so, training very early a.m., practice everyday, study late, travel. It.is.not.easy. My kid loves it still, wouldn’t have it any other way, but is always tired.

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Like @NYMom122, we had a tiger by the tail. Our son lives to compete. For him it isn’t about a professional career, it’s about pushing himself to see how far he can progress. Will I miss club sports, and all the lunacy that goes along with it? Nope. Whether we like it or not though, club sports, at the highest levels, are a means to an end, and it can be relatively expensive getting there.

I agree, I don’t think kids make it to college without loving their sport. I have a kid that plays D3, and he absolutely LIVES for his sport.

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I would not pull your kid if he still seems to like it. Keep an eye on him, check in with him, watch his reactions to others and try to take a step back from the madness yourself. Are there any parents who seem to sit quietly in the back? If so, those are your people. Try to avoid the competitive ones. They will just make you crazy. But as long as your kid is happy, let him be.

My daughter was a figure skater from the time she was little until she graduated from high school. I tried (not always successfully) to avoid the competitive parents. They just made me question my families choices and I found myself getting stressed and competitive when I was around them. What you need to remember is the kids who are most successful are successful because they love their sport. If they want more (lessons, etc) they will ask for it. If your kid is happy in his sport now, let him be and let him enjoy it. If he starts losing interest, then that’s OK too.

I remember the competitive parents (and kids) who talked about grades/GPA’s in middle school. Funny enough those were not the top students by high school graduation time. Of the top 3 kids in my daughter’s highs school class, no one knew 2 of them were at the top until close to graduation. They just quietly went about their business. The kids I THOUGHT would be at the top (because of their and their parent’s competitiveness) were not there.

As for getting ahead for college: My daughter goes to a T20 school. Most of her closest friends at school were not athletes in high school. A few were, but most were not serious or “elite” in any way. But they all had interests of some sort, sometimes lots of involvement in school clubs. I think as kids go through high school they figure out their interests and that’s where they spend their time. Looking back, a couple of athletes from her school are still involved in their sports. A select few are at D1 schools and a handful of other are at D3’s. But most are not still involved and are not at any better schools than the non-athletes. Sports is just one of many things that kids can do.

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