<p>Yale ends biased admissions process
New Haven Register</p>
<p>NEW HAVEN (09/19/2006)- Yale University, in a surprise move that stunned the college admissions community and even its Ivy League peer institutions, announced on Tuesday that it was ending its controversial "admissions procedure".</p>
<p>"We felt it was the best way to end the persistent structural bias against poor, disadvantaged minority students," said a spokesperson for the university. "The entire idea of 'admissions' is by nature inherently exclusivist and therefore contrary to basic principles of social justice. We're forced to turn down many underprivileged potential Yalies every year because of our commitment to this arrogant, elitist process."</p>
<p>Yale officials noted that beginning next year, students could simply enroll at the university as they would be able to do at any public high school, thus ending the high-stress and competitive process that formerly consumed students hoping to attend the vaunted institution. Spokespeople brushed off concerns of crowding in dorms and classrooms as "borderline racist" and noted that it "would end the chronic separation between Yale and our community" by dismantling "segregationist" security cameras and swipe access doors. "We will have ended the homeless problem in New Haven once and for all," added the master of Branford College, who issued an email request for help setting up tents in the residence's neo-gothic courtyard.</p>
<p>Even the leadership of the Yale College Republicans seemed pleased. In a statement, they espoused their firm conviction that the move "would forever force Harvard and Princeton to choke on our dust."</p>