<p>We just left our daughter for her freshman year at a large university. Our last interaction with her was very negative since she has just spent the entire time during the opening convocation ceremony texting and checking facebook on her new Iphone. Her dad was extremely annoyed since he saw this a sign that she would not take school seriously. He wants to take the Iphone away if her grades aren't decent. It was a bad way to leave someone who we may not see for 2 months.
Is this just a generational difference? What do other parents and students think about her actions? And her father's reaction?</p>
<p>Some social rules never change. One of them is to put down your damned phone and pay attention to what’s going on around you when you’re at a formal event. I would have stomped the phone right then, not waited to see how her grades were first.</p>
<p>If i understand this correctly, you were attending this opening ceremony with her, right? In my view, it is rude to be doing that during such an event and you could have insisted that she put it away out of respect. </p>
<p>However, I would never jump to where your husband is jumping about not taking school seriously or taking the phone if her grades are not decent. I see no connection there that can be made in a substantiated fashion. It simply was rude behavior and perhaps disinterest in the events on stage or else infatuated with her new phone or whatever. I imagine this behavior, while rude, is common at such an event with her peers. </p>
<p>All that said, you cannot be there to supervise her behavior in college and so she might do this sort of thing when you are not there. And so it goes…</p>
<p>I would not read any more into it than that.</p>
<p>To be fair, most of what they say at opening ceremonies is just rambling anyways that people already know. My parents didn’t even go to my opening ceremonies or my orientation or any of that because they know it’s not really that informative. We also texted back and forth during the day. When I had an open house and presentation for my major earlier in the summer, my dad texted the whole time. I half listened, but it was stuff that we already knew from talking to the dean and from the website. </p>
<p>It is NOT a sign that one won’t take school seriously. I take school very seriously, so it’s a bad conclusion to jump to. If her grades aren’t decent, take away her phone, although I SERIOUSLY doubt it’ll be the phone that will lead to subpar grades.</p>
<p>I’m a student and I think it’s straight up rude to text others in the middle of a conversation or when someone is addressing you like at the opening ceremony.</p>
<p>I text a lot, but only when I’m alone or waiting for someone, or in the car (unless I’m driving!)</p>
<p>^ Middle of a conversation, yes that is rude. When a person is making a speech to thousands of people that is already prepared, then I don’t think it’s rude. The speaker is going to say the same thing whether you’re there or not, and most likely it is something you have already heard before.</p>
<p>I think it still gives off the wrong impression to other people. If not in a ceremony like that one, then at least in meetings and other professional settings.</p>
<p>Why didn’t he just lean over and ask her to put it away?</p>
<p>I think this is all to do with rude behavior and not at all a reflection on the type of student this girl will be in her studies.</p>
<p>Batllo, that was my immediate reaction as well since the parents were present. They could have strongly asserted that the phone be put away during the ceremony in their presence. They would be enforcing proper social behavior even though when they are not there, the kid could do what she wants to do.</p>
<p>Unless she does it in class, or facebooks her life away, she’ll be fine.</p>
<p>Frankly I’d rather have a person texting away than the group that sat behind us for my Son’s convocation. They would not shut up, regardless of what was going on or who was speaking!</p>
<p>I remember my first day on campus (oh so many years ago), I felt very conflicted because I went to college about a week earlier than my friends from home. I was wondering what they were doing, and questioning whether I had chosen the right place. I was a bit homesick. If I’d had the ability to reach out to my friends via text and an iPhone, I probably would have done it. So that was my off-the-top reading of your D’s actions.</p>
<p>Should she be texting and iPhoning during a convocation speech? No. Is it a major crime? No. My bigger concern would be if she stays so connected to her friends from home (who I assume she was conversing with) that she doesn’t make the effort to separate from them a bit and focus on the new friendships to be made in her dorm and her classes. </p>
<p>I have read several times that college officials are concerned that for some kids, the ease of long-distance instant-communication these days is preventing SOME kids (certainly not all or even most kids, but a small number of kids) from making the emotional transition to campus. So that would be my concern - I’d encourage her to put down the phone and pay attention to the people around her. You can’t force her to do things any more - unless you take the phone away, and then how will you call her?</p>
<p>Twoparent - AT&T has a feature where you could limit her as to when she could receive/make text/call, if it comes to that. Of course you could also see when and frequency of her texting on A&T’s website. Some parents may think this is too much parental monitoring, but it’s how I found out D1 was texting very late at night and I just didn’t see how she was going to get enough sleep and be awake for her classes. We had a chat about it, and that was enough to get her to cut it out. Similar thing happened to our high school D2. I actually used AT&T’s feature and turned off her phone between 10pm - 7 am on weeknights. I turned it off after a month. I told both of them that they were welcome to get off our family plan any time they want.</p>
<p>^^^Oldfort…while my comment has nothing to do with college or the OP, when my younger D was in HS, and our cell phones do not get reception where we live and so can’t be used and there is no texting here either…she did like to get on the computer when she got in bed or would sneak with her portable landline phone (granted she had no other free time in her life to do such stuff), but at a certain point when she was in bed for the night, if I found her sneaking a phone or computer, I simply took them out of the room for the night. Those days are long past (she has since graduated college and can do whatever she wants now and in college, and also has use of a cell which she could not use at our home due to no reception).</p>
<p>Thank you for all of your feedback. Each of your perspectives made me feel better - realizing that our reaction was not unusual but also realizing that her texting probably will not be responsible for poor grades, if that happens.<br>
Soozie- I do need to keep remembering that she is on her own. And I know that she has the skills and ethics to make the right choice most of the time.
Lafalum- she was actually texting to a new friend who was sitting in the same audience with us. And most of her focus on her phone has to do with not wanting to miss any communication from any of her new acquaintances at college. So I guess that is a good thing.
oldfort- Thanks for the info about AT&T - I will look into it. I suspect just discussing this with her will be enough.<br>
As always, CC is a great resource.</p>
<p>The texting obsession for kids is bizarre. 90% of texts are just silly and mindless. It drives my sister insane when her daughter texts while having a conversation or while at dinner as a guest at our house. So she simply takes the phone away at those times.</p>
<p>I think every generation worries about the attention span of their children and about whatever the new gadget or distract is for that crop of kids. We survived and thrived and so will these kids.</p>
<p>But it is rude to the person speaking to have their listener texting and distracted.</p>
<p>I would have given my son “the look” or silently reached over and taken the phone away (even if my child is an adult!) .</p>
<p>How many of us have been in a meeting, someone says something really stupid and we BB everyone in the room about it? I have.
It was kind of funny because everyone smiled, except for the idiot.</p>
<p>Yes, I was having a conversation a few months ago (regarding work) with a (younger) co-worker that started texting while I was talking. I just got up and left without saying a word but I did not leave with a good impression. I’m not too fond of texting but it appears that it’s here to stay for the short term anyway. If I were the OP most likely I too would have leaned over and signaled to put the phone away, but I think it’s a loosing battle.</p>
<p>Twoparent, I would take it as a good sign that she is already that connected to new friends. It is rude to text at these type of things, though, so next time you’re together at something similar, you could pointedly remind her to turn off her phone before the event starts.</p>