DD applications are all in now. She is applying to six northeast boarding schools. She is our eldest, and this is our first time through this process. I’ve read threads saying that if you have a clear first choice, it can help to identify that to a school. While we have a couple of favorites, we don’t have a clear #1 at this point – each of these places would be awesome, and each has some modest downsides. We figured we would wait until she gets in somewhere (or not), and figure things out then. DD had a good friend last year get into two places, thinking that one of them was her first choice, but when she did re-visits after being accepted, she changed her mind and went to the other place.
But then very quickly after the 15th we received two correspondences. One was an email from an AO she interviewed with at one school, addressed only to DD, saying he was glad to get her application, and he really hoped his school was high on her list.
The second was a long email from a coach at different school (DD has a sport hook) to DD and us as parents. We had met with him at length a couple of times. He just came right out and asked, assuming she got in, what are our thoughts on his school?
It seems like these people are trying to figure out if their school is our first choice, right? Is there any other explanation for their emails? I mean, they already have our application in, so they don’t need to sell us on applying any more.
What do we say if we aren’t sure we have a first choice? We told the first AO that his school was “very, very high on our list”, which is true – it is a place our DD would be very excited to get into. But we just aren’t sure how forthright to be – we would rather not close any options, but we don’t feel like we have enough info at this point to absolutely commit to a clear #1 choice.
We struggled with this ourselves. As you will see on these threads, the opinions on sending a first-choice letter are split. You need to base the decision on your specific situation. We needed lots of FA and were reluctant to commit to one school before seeing all offers. And, as you noted, impressions and opinions change after M10. I personally would keep all options open.
“We told the first AO that his school was “very, very high on our list”, which is true”
This is all you say, IMO. I don’t think you need to delineate a favorite. Repeat the statement above to any school trying to feel you out. Yes, it is encouraging to get the correspondence but don’t count your chickens before they hatch. Over the years, I’ve seen families surprised and disappointed by waitlists and rejections when they thought they had encouraging signals from schools. It is so soon after the deadline that they are still very much in the process of reading through all the applications.
Each school cares about yield. They play their angles, you play yours buy repeating the statement above. It’s not being untruthful as you and your child would truly be happy at all the schools you to which she applied.
Good commentary - especially the link from @GoatMama. New member here, 2 through BS process and now working with DC3. Each kid has been different but we appreciate all of the commentary and insight here as we move towards M10.
My own view, for whatever it’s worth, has always been that expressing a view as to #1 choice is pretty meaningless in the process, except in very limited circumstances. If you are an athlete being heavily recruited to be a started at a very specific position (i.e., QB on the football team, goalie on the hockey team), then that’s a whole different thing – there, the coach needs a starting QB for the next year, and if you might be that person, then he needs to know whether you’re going to come or not, because otherwise, he’s got to push for the kid who’s second on his list, etc. I also think that siblings fall into a different category, because they should already know enough about the school to make an informed choice. But otherwise, I don’t think you have any particular obligation (implicit or not) to make a first choice, or to communicate that. Indeed, I think that most schools would really prefer that kids come to the revisit day and make their choice after that, so as to optimize the likelihood that kids will pick the school only if it’s the right fit.
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful comments. This community has really been a helpful source of information and feedback. I suspect we will simply continue to express interest in our DD schools. Having gone to the trouble to apply, she would be lucky to end up an any of these places.