First year students and parents

Colleges and Universities A-Z Smith College
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<p>Phanatic - I also failed to make Smith College Chorus! I sang for years and years in a very good high school choir and the exact same thing happened to me. I went to the audition, did ok on the singing along with the piano, but when it came to singing a capella off of the sheet music i totally froze. Bombed the audition right there. </p>

<p>Here’s a little piece of succor for you. It ended up being the best thing that happened to me at Smith. Chorus is really demanding, it takes up a huge chunk of your time in rehearsal, especially right before concerts, and also with needing to travel for concerts. That can be hard, especially if you have a STRIDE job where you need to be available at certain times to fulfill your work. Since I wasn’t in Chorus, I was able to do a lot more things on campus, including work, be in a play, and most importantly get really involved in the Smith College Democrats, which became my life. </p>

<p>It doesn’t sound like you’re doing too bad. I remember being really homesick at first as well, and I also had some issues with in-house cliques. Ignore the girls that aren’t welcoming, and embrace your fellow first-years and the good upperclassers. And don’t worry about your roommate, just try to find a happy medium where the two of you can co-exist peacefully. Your true Smith friends are out there waiting for you, so it’s ok if your roommate is really different. By the end of the year, you’ll probably have learned a lot from each other. She might get you to party a little more, you might teach her to be a little more studious. Then you can part ways and get your single. </p>

<p>Just remember that college is a time when how you define yourself is going to change a lot, very fast. So don’t worry if you can’t hold on to old labels, you’ll find new ones that you like. </p>

<p>Also, Chorus has auditions again in the spring semester (not as many people try out or get in, but they exist). So don’t give up the ghost. Practice practice practice.</p>

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<p>Phanatic, my D had an absolutely terrible first roommate experience, for many of the reasons you cite. She found someone who was having similar issues, and they started one of those multi-house swaps that occur like falling dominoes after the housing freeze ends. Talk to the housing office. I’m absolutely sure you’re not the only one with these issues. </p>

<p>And I second the motion for you to look into transferring. You don’t have to follow through with it (who knows – you may have found your place at Smith by then), but you’ll have options, making you feel less caged. My D had a HS friend who hated Wellesley; desperate to get out, she applied as a transfer student to many places. Although she ended up staying at Wellesley and graduating, she felt much calmer knowing that her decision to stay was on her own terms.</p>

<p>The key for you right now is to feel less isolated and less uncomfortable. Are your parents coming for Family Weekend? If so, that may help. Did you connect with any of the other first-years during pre-orientation? If so, force yourself to go out of your way to cultivate their friendships. It may mean crossing campus for dinner or hanging out in their house to watch those BBC shows instead of doing it at yours. (My D and friends used to have movie nights in their house living room, watching either personal DVDs or rentals.) If you haven’t found someone you like enough to be friends with, start chatting with people in your classes or in your STRIDE department. If you get to know someone well enough to confide your loneliness, I’m sure she’ll jump to include you. It will be awkward at first, but you’ll soon find yourself in the middle of things. My D said that first-years are easy to spot because they are always saying hi and introducing themselves. Make sure you are one of those!</p>

<p>BTW, my parents moved to Michigan from the East Coast when I was in college, and my younger sister experienced culture shock, so the differences are very real. In fact, my sister-in-law, who is a born and bred Michiganer, said that it took all of her concentration to understand what we were saying because we talked so fast that it sounded like a foreign language. :)</p>

<p>Hang in there. Make opportunities for yourself, both for now and for the future. You deserve to be happy!</p>

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<p>I had a horrible roommate sophomore year. She was … something. After her and a summer roommate, my first-year roommate was perfect. :)</p>

<p>I absolutely echo the voices telling you to consider transferring. Worst case scenario: you’ve applied and been accepted to a few other schools, and you have options: either stay at Smith or go somewhere else. If Smith is perfect by then, awesome! If not, you have other schools who’d love to have you.</p>

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<p>@grateful1: Smith does a decent job at matching roommates, but, as it is anywhere, it’s an imperfect process. Out of my daughter’s friends, only she and her eventual second roommate had major issues. Her other friends were fine with their first year arrangements – some kept their roommates for one more year, and others parted amicably. </p>

<p>The Housing Office must figure out roommates based only on paper forms, which may or may not be accurate. In my daughter’s situation, her roommate had wanted a single – end of story – and she told my D the very first week that she should start looking for another room because of this. I’m sure the housing office ran out of singles for first years by the time they got to my daughter’s roommate, and so the two ended up together.</p>

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<p>I’m sorry you’re unhappy and it sounds like you have some really reasonable causes for it. I think you’re getting some great advice here. I switched rooms my first year for similar reasons–I could’ve stuck it out, but my friend was having major roommate drama so wanted to trade, and I was happy to dump my roommate and move in to a larger room with a buddy! It made life soooo much better…though living with friends has the potential to be its own source of drama.</p>

<p>Michigan to MA is a BIG switch. I did it in reverse–from Smith to Ann Arbor for grad school. Now I’m dating a Michigander (raised in Troy) and there is definitely a different culture (I grew up on Long Island). </p>

<p>Finally, something I don’t think anyone has focused on: you mention you haven’t been able to get a good night’s sleep. I don’t think that’s trivial, and it may be affecting your feelings and coping abilities more than you think. Is the problem noise? the beds? falling or staying asleep? There are lots of strategies that might help, from exercise to warm baths to changing caffeine intake to a comfier pillow to a white noise machine to relaxation exercises and sleep aids like melatonin. Health Services or the chapel might have advice, depending on what help you think you need.</p>

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<p>My D was lucky enough to get into a house with singles as a first year but this year and last year she has been by the bathrooms which creates a lot of noise - she uses a white noise machine and a draft blocker thing at the door both of which help a lot. They also make headband style earphones which you can sleep in and I know the I-pod has a white noise app. I agree sleep can really change your perspective and college life is not a big promoter of sleep.</p>

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<p>Carolyn said:

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<p>Carolyn, one of D’s takes on New England is that it’s a lot more tribal, in multiple dimensions, than California. The phenomenon fascinated her. Accent, what township, what preceded the hyphen in “kind” of American you were… And racial & religious lines were more sharply perceived than what she was used to. And she learned what “old money” was, something a) less prevalent in California and b) often nearly invisible where it does exist. Btw, TheMom is from St. Louis…tribalism there is expressed by “what elementary school parish did you go to?” A complete socio-economic readout embedded in that one, apparently.</p>

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<p>I lived in Rhode Island for five years, and making friends was tough. You had to born there to be fully accepted into social circles. I knew I would always be an outsider, even if I lived there for the rest of my life. But I don’t think that’s what’s at work at Smith. I think it’s more of the general Smithie attitude, borrowed from East Coast private schools: I’m smart, and I don’t care what you think. This manifests itself in a dressed-down, artsy, geeky attitude with a jolt of East Coast anxiety juice. There’s also a forwardness that you don’t see in the Midwest. East Coasters call it honesty, but other people tend to see it more as an in-your-face challenge. That doesn’t mean that all Smithies are like that – and they can’t be since Smith draws from all 50 states – but that the highly visible Smith face seems to fit that model. At least, that’s what I observed. It’s not a Massachusetts/New England thing; it’s an East Coast thing.</p>

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<p>When I lived in NE (both in RI and NH), I called it “provincialism.” Boston was the center of the universe. :)</p>

<p>Edited to add: But I love New England, all the same.</p>

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<p>I’m from New England and I definitely understand the tribalism comments. The way I perceive it is that someone might be fairly cold towards a person until they have some connection to them (college, town, mutual friend, elementary school, etc.) and then they are very friendly.</p>

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<p>MWFN, D’s “tribal” comment was a more global commentary than being Smith-specific. I suspect your take on Smith is fairly accurate…I don’t think D has much problem being “forward.” Actually, as McPucks indicates, she ran into many pockets of reticence. Certainly, I feel “brash” when I’m back there, not in an NYC “in your face” kind of way but something different. </p>

<p>And I think D would say that NE was very different from DC though both are East Coast.</p>

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<p>^^^agree with TheDad, having grown up in Virginia. It is a different world in the Northeast.</p>

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<p>McPucks, I’d never heard the question, “Who are his people?” until I visited New England. I came to understand that you could spend 50 years in a place and still be regarded as a newcomer. And that your precise standing within the social structure could aid or suppress what you actually did. Even though the question wasn’t about me, I was pretty well offended by the concept behind it.</p>

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<p>I didn’t make myself clear. I firmly believe in regional differences, but I don’t feel that Smith reflects New England, or even MA, specifically, but rather the larger region of the East Coast. There are HUGE differences between DC and MA.</p>

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<p>Now that we’ve had a thorough discussion of the culture of New England specifically and the East Coast in general, recognizing the culture shock people feel when they experience a different part of the country, all of which has relevance to the Smith environment, I hope, Phanatic, that you don’t feel forgotten in all this discussion. I hope people’s comments have been validating for you and I hope since you posted you have begun to feel a little less isolated and a little more connected as time has passed and you’ve had more experiences at Smith. Please let us know how you’re doing.</p>

<p>I asked my daughter last night how the first-years in her house were doing. She said they’re finally beginning to bond together; Wednesday night upon her return to the house from the library, she found most of the first-years sitting in the common room, ostensibly doing homework but gabbing away. Sometimes it just takes time.</p>

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<p>I completely agree with the other posters. Remember that even those first-years who haven’t felt the culture shock have felt the same homesickness. It’s only natural.
And everyone’s still figuring lots of things out. Who to hang out with, how to balance academics and social life, and even little annoying things like dealing with a roommate who snores or figuring out who to sit with during meals. You’re not alone, and I know that if you keep reaching out you’ll find your people.
(and in the meantime, I sure liked having brunch with you last weekend, so let me know if you’re up for it again!)</p>

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<p>Every time I check on this thread, I am just astounded, in the most wonderful way, by the wonderful people who flock to the Smith forum. The ample support and words of wisdom you have all provided so freely is just remarkable, and I thank you for that. I hope to have some time later to respond to some of your posts more personally, but I must leave for class in a few minutes. I did want to drop in with a quick update, however, about a few of the issues I mentioned in my previous lengthy post. </p>

<p>My roommate and I do not get along. As I have said, our sleep schedules are irreconcilable, but that is a rather minor issue in the grand scheme of things. We have had some, ah, discussions about when it is acceptable for either of us to Skype with someone else while the other roommate is studying. We made an agreement in the “Roommate Contract” that it was permissible to do this in the room, but if the person trying to study asked the talker to take it elsewhere, she had to do so or hang up. For one day, this system worked perfectly–my roommate asked that I stop because she was studying, so I disconnected my call with my parents within a minute and switched to a silent instant messaging. My roommate later said that it would be perfectly fine for me to Skype in the room the following day, but about ten minutes after I began a conversation, she stormed out of the room without a word to me and didn’t return until well after midnight. I was in bed, half-asleep; it wasn’t the right time to have a conversation about what had happened, so I let it go until the next day. And the next. </p>

<p>Well, a few days later, our HCA knocked on my door and asked to speak with me. She said that my roommate had been very angry about the Skype situation and the two of them had talked about it. The HCA further stated that I had violated the terms of my roommate contract. It soon became clear that my roommate had neglected–whether deliberately or innocently is something on which I declined to pass judgment–to inform the HCA that she had given me permission to Skype that night, and it seemed, to me, that the story of what had happened that night had been skewed in its recollection to the HCA. I told her the situation as I saw it; we had a professional discussion about the matter and that was that. </p>

<p>A while later, the HCA came back to me and stated that my roommate wanted me to move out of the room. To be honest, I was thrilled. I had already started filling out a room change form and was quite pleased to see that this was something we both wanted–it would make the process of moving out that much simpler. I was a bit disappointed at the thought of leaving the house–it has a very convenient location–but unlike my roommate, I have not formed any close ties with anyone here, so it wouldn’t be too hard.</p>

<p>The disappointment went away after a visit from the house president. She came in, sat down on my roommate’s bed, and mysteriously said that she wanted to talk about this situation, “because the whole house knows.” When I told her what my concerns were regarding life with my roommate, she dismissed them by saying that we were both Americans and that should be enough for us to get along! She told me that I deliberately attempted to not cultivate relationships in the house and that I never ate dinner with the house–not true, since I had eaten here several nights in the past week, as well as a brunch. </p>

<p>So, here I am, still living with my roommate. We’ve signed up for mediation in preparation for a room change, but I’ve been told that the chances that I’ll get to go anywhere else are essentially nil. Living in the room is so uncomfortable that I spend most of my time in one of the libraries, the campus center, or with friends from another house. This weekend, my parents are coming to visit and I’ll be staying with them at their hotel–it will be so good to be out of the room. </p>

<p>Classes are essentially the same. My first-year seminar is wonderful, but a lot of work. My computer science class is very fascinating; my French class gives me bona fide anxiety attacks whenever I think about it; and calculus is, to my dismay, not a very demanding course. I keep hoping that the last two will improve.</p>

<p>I’ve joined a few clubs around here. There’s one that isn’t–shall we say–the most glamorous on campus, but the people in it are nice, the subject interests me, and I enjoy it a lot. I’ve also attended a meeting of a religious group, put in a few sessions with the newspaper, and am looking forward to attending the first meeting of the Quiz Bowl team. </p>

<p>I still don’t feel comfortable or happy here, and I believe the best course of action will be to transfer, whether it’s at the end of the semester or the end of the year. But I do hope that I can leave here with some good memories, and, so far, I think I will have a few to take with me. </p>

<p>Thanks again for your words of wisdom and comfort and your concern. You all are wonderful.</p>

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<p>Thank you for the update!</p>

<p>The only thing I will say is apply for that transfer NOW. It doesn’t matter what the HCA says; you must try. Your current situation is untenable.</p>

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<p>Hey all!</p>

<p>I feel so lucky when I read this thread! My time at Smith is going amazingly well. Sure, I’ve had a few pangs of homesickness(especially for my cat), but those are thankfully short lived and never too major. </p>

<p>I am BEYOND busy, but couldn’t be happier. My classes are just about the perfect level of difficulty, and I immensely enjoy all of them. I LOVE my house and my roommate. I’ve gotten very close with my house president and she I and I will be cooking in the Kosher K on Fridays this semester! I’ve also managed to find a pretty solid group of people to eat with/hang with, as well as having a few “class” friends. I’m also seeing a lovely girl, so i’m thrilled</p>

<p>I’ve joined Smith Dems and Senate and will be auditioning for Crapapella on Sunday! If that doesn’t work out, I have a couple of other things I am interested in, so we’ll see.</p>

<p>Also, my work with my STRIDE advisor is amazing. There are 3 other people in the lab, and they are all great, kind, and have lots of useful advice. </p>

<p>I’m just grabbing life by the horns and enjoying every moment and seizing every opportunity!!! This place is amazing!</p>

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<p>Phanatic - Although I’m sure you are ready to be a responsible adult and try to manage your own situation it really sounds like you need to talk to an adult outside of your house - I do know you can talked to the Class Dean and I’m sure other people here could suggest people for you to talk to on campus. It doesn’t sound like people living in your house can get a fully unbiased view of the situation. AS for your easy calculus class my D appreciated her easy Spanish class first semester when it came time to study for exams.</p>