<p>I am currently a junior in high school and I wanted to see if any other students are in a similar situation, as well as give parents the chance to defend themselves:</p>
<p>Many hs studnts I know (including myself) were raised their entire life to believe that our education is one of the most important, if not the most important, thing in our lives. Our parents constantly push us to do this or that, or at the very least, make doing well in school a top priority. And then college time comes and it's like WHOOPS sorry we're not paying for that. I know that not all families work this way, but for those that do, I'm confused. I've missed a step. With college being nearly mandatory these days, wouldn't parents automatically assume that they will be paying for their child's education (or at least want to)?</p>
<p>Yeap, I tell my kids that education is the most important thing for them right now. We pay for their expense so they can eat/sleep/go to school, so education better be their most important thing in their life. I tell them it's their job to do well in school. I also plan to support them for college/post graduate etc.. but never once did I push pressure on them to go to Ivy/top college, and never did I ever equate the college experience to expensive school. It's not contradictory at all, It's done so they can try their best in school and not slack off.</p>
<p>Is the issue refusing to pay an expensive private school or refusing to pay for any college at all?</p>
<p>All parents have to decide how much they can afford to pay for their kids' education. And in comparing an expensive private school to a good quality flagship state U, it may seem like an astronomical increase in cost for only an incremental increase in quality. Not all parents are willing to or able to bear that extra burden. Parents do not automatically "owe" their kids tuition at the most expensive school they can get into. </p>
<p>If a parent earns a respectable income but is refusing to pay anything at all for any college, that is a different matter. I can't pretend to know what is going on in any given family or situation, but in general I would suspect such a parent of misplaced priorities. And I would feel very sorry for the kid.</p>
<p>ParisKM - This is a question that is not easily answered. It does break my heart when I see kids that have worked their butts off to do well in school & then have parents that won't contribute to their education. Sometimes though the parents truly don't have the money to do this, and sometimes the parents do. However, if a child wants to go to the most expensive school and the parents don't have the money to do this then the student does have to make a choice. I don't think parents "owe" their kids a tuition that they just can't afford. </p>
<p>I can tell you though, as a parent, I would never have expected college tuition/R&B to be as much as they are today. Even most state schools are probably $20K with books, fees, etc. That is $80K per child! There is no way we could have ever saved enough to put two kids in college. However, we will do anything we need to to get our two sons through college with as little debt as possible. </p>
<p>"With college being nearly mandatory these days, wouldn't parents automatically assume that they will be paying for their child's education (or at least want to)
"
Not necessarily. I have seen some apparently very loving parents who encouraged their kids to do well in school, but who also refused to pay for college. In general, such parents were self-made people who believed that it would be character-building for their kids to finance their own college education. </p>
<p>I suppose that there also are very selfish parents who act similarly, but I haven't encountered such parents.</p>
<p>What I find sad is when the parents don't convey their plans to their offspring in time for their kids to apply to colleges that are likely to give merit aid or that are otherwise affordable.</p>
<p>Well, here is a generalization of my situation:</p>
<p>I am the oldest of six kids and my parents make what is accepted as a generally average to above average income. As someone said about parents being self-made and wanting their kids to do the same, this describes my parents exactly. Unfortunately, both were born in this country and are white, so it doesn't carry as much weight when it comes to admissions and scholarhips. Anyway, they have set a small amount aside that will get me next to nowhere, even if i went to State School. They have the means pay for more, but refuse to. What makes me mad is that finaid departments never take into account students like me who don't have money to pay, just like others.</p>
<p>It is actually possible that with 5 siblings, you would qualify for financial aid if your parents only make above average income. Remember that the median annual income is only about the same as one year's worth of tuition at the most expensive schools! Another thing to do is to look up schools that are generous with merit aid. If you have made education your top priority and have done well, you may qualify for some great scholarships. Don't give up before you have even begun to explore possibilities.</p>
<p>what marite said is true. You can do yourself a best favor by having a talk with your parents and going through the EFC estimator on this web site. An early set of financial ground rules would help you in making your college list as well as help parents understand what their obligation might be.</p>
<p>"What makes me mad is that finaid departments never take into account students like me who don't have money to pay, just like others."</p>
<p>I agree with the suggestions from Merite and Simba.
In addition, if colleges did start giving aid to students whose parents have $ but refuse to pay for college, that would encourage lots of parents to do the same. There would be no incentive for parents to bother to pay for their kids' education. </p>
<p>It's life that some kids have parents with money who give them Jaguars. Others have parents with money who expect their offspring to buy their own cars. The Jaguar dealerships will not give cars away to anyone. Fortunately, in this country, even if one's affluent parents refuse to pay for college, there are ways of still getting a good education.</p>
<p>Wow! Six children to pay for college with any imcome would have to be quite a dent in anyones retirement, etc.</p>
<p>"Unfortunately, both were born in this country and are white, so it doesn't carry as much weight when it comes to admissions and scholarhips."</p>
<p>This is certainly not true. My son chose a school in the top tier universities and received an excellent merit aid package. You need to do what Simba & Marite said and then start looking for colleges.</p>
<p>Remember, there are many successful people who lived at home, went to a community college then transferred to a state college (near home), worked full time to put themselves through school, drove junkers, etc. that are extremely successful. It can be done.</p>
<p>It is good that your parents encourage you to do well in school- I hope they are able to support your pursuit of continuing your education after high school- perhaps by committing to even a small sum &/or loan</p>
<p>It is good that you are finding out now as a junior- that they may not be as financially committed as you had hoped- as opposed to finding out like some students on these boards- after their parents encouraged them to apply to competitive schools that give need only aid.</p>
<p>While finaid does consider number of dependents somewhat- I am wondering if that will be as large of a consideration as needed- you might argue that like a large home- extended vacations or even a retirement account, a large family is a luxury that many decide they cannot afford.
My parents did not pay for post high school education- but then they didn't encourage any of their children to do well in school either. We didn't expect them to pay for college- because we didn't expect to attend college.
While it may be difficult for you to attend a $40K+ school on your own, there are many schools out there- and lots of ways to contribute to your own education by earning money and taking out loans- you can do it-read some of the other boards for students in your own situation.</p>
<p>Paris, if you and your parents just cannot work out a plan and you feel that they truly either will not or cannot help you at all financially there may be some value in your researching what it means to be an "independent student" as in legally claiming financial independence, but you must really research this carefully because your claim will be "subject to stringent criteria by the federal government, various state governments" and the colleges to which you are applying. In addition "Any student claiming independence who is under the age of 24 at the time of application must prove eligibility as determined by the appropriate government statutes." and you would have to contact the colleges you're considering to see how they deal with a truly "independent student". (These quoted phrases were taken from Eugene Lang Collge which is part of The New School University in NYC.)</p>
<p>I really hope you can work things out and believe the advice you've been given here is really a better approach than what I offer in this post. Sometimes it's not until we really look at all the options that we see that we really can make things work. As mominsearch has just written "It can be done." Give this good advice a try and please let us know how things go with your parents. Best wishes!</p>
<p>I'm sorry, but I must have missed something. I don't understand why it's a burden for a young person to do well at what is, essentially, her job and very much in her own best interest. Payment for tuition aside, this seems to be the underlying statement. Even if we had not a penny to supply our kid's needs for college, we would push him to do his best for his own sake.</p>
<p>(And I don't see this as "defending myself," something I feel no need to do.)</p>
<p>I do, however, wish you the best in seeking your own best education.</p>