Forced out of band over MIT preview wknd

Colleges & Universities A-Z Massachusetts Institute of Technology
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<p>I've already posted this in the parents' forum, but I'd like to get the opinion of "MIT people." </p>

<p>I'm afraid this is a long saga, but I'll try to stick to the facts. After seven years in our school district's band program, my son is being forced out over date conflicts between the MIT CPW and a band contest. He was told (among other uncalled-for things) that if he missed the contest for this he would fail band. The principal said THAT wasn't happening, and offered him a "job" in the counselor's office for the rest of the school year. Everybody's happy...</p>

<p>Not really. Our son is concerned about the other 11 people in his ensemble that are scheduled to compete at the state level the weekend after graduation (we had cancelled our vacation plans for this). I'm also thinking about all the fun end-of-senior-year band activities that he will miss with his longtime friends. </p>

<p>We do of course understand that a band director has many difficult decisions to make, and that he has to have personnel to keep a band running, but it seems to me that if he wants top kids in his small-school program, he needs to understand that they will have other commitments. There is another student missing this event to visit her dream school who is not receiving the same treatment. Our son has unfortunately had two other conflicts in the past four years which have not endeared him to the band director. </p>

<p>While we are sorry about the coincidence, these were also pretty unavoidable. Our son is also a bagpiper, and being the only one in our area, he is sometimes called upon for special duties. One conflict involved playing for his friend and bagpipe teacher's funeral. The other was a wedding for which he had been engaged six months earlier. Three month prior to the contest, its date was changed to accomodate another school conflict. Our son refused to cancel out on the wedding because he had given his word, and accepted some pretty stiff penalties for that (grade reduction and getting kicked out of a planned band trip).</p>

<p>Here is the text of the message he wrote the director:
"When I was with *** yesterday, that got me thinking about what conflicts I might have. I'm afraid that the MIT preview weekend starts on April 7. I can't tell you how much I wish this was on a different day, but I must go on this trip to see if MIT is where I want to go to college. I know it seems like I'm putting you off on everything we've been doing, but I'd like to point out something. I missed the marching contest because I thought it was my moral responsibility to. I will miss our concert because the future of the rest of my life depends on it. I will not miss state Solo and Ensemble because the alternative would merely be a fun activity. My father has had to cancel an entire week of our vacation because I think it is my moral responsibility to. I wish there was some other way to work this out. I will be at school a little early on Wednesday to work out what you want to do."</p>

<p>When he went in to talk the next day, the band director told him he could "barely talk because he was so angry," among other things. We are pretty disgusted that our hard-working, ethical son is being treated in this way. (I might also point out that he was the only student in our school--and county, for that matter--admitted to MIT, or anything close.) So--would you pursue this or let it drop?</p>

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<p>I wouldn't go to Campus Preveiw weekend. Come up on another weekend. IF band is that important, than it should take precedence.</p>

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<p>there's discussion elsewhere about missing important high school events for CPW, and the consensu is that it's better to do the high school event. Read the thread here about prom vs. CPW, and read Matt McGann's blog on MyMIT.</p>

<p>Although CPW sounds like a great event, you son will have 3 more opportunities to join in the fun if he matriculates at MIT. If he has not visited and is unsure if he wants to go to MIT, he can visit at another time. Lots of accepted students (half?) do not attend CPW for one reason or another.</p>

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<p>Thanks for your thoughts. Obviously, we are only viewing this from our narrow point of view, and it is interesting to hear other opinions. We will check out the things you've mentioned. However, I might point out that we had already bought plane tickets and hotel room, and accepted for the weekend before he was informed about the contest, which was not on the posted yearly calendar.</p>

<p>Also, we have attended the CPW at MIT with our older son and found it to be a wonderful introduction not only to the Institute and its activities, but also to the other prospective students. It is important to get a feel for whether you belong in a place, and our son is very undecided as yet.</p>

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<p>If the Band contest was a late addition to the Calendar, It's hard to see how the Band Director can be so strict with your son.</p>

<p>Since you already had decided to go to MIT for preview weekend and have your Air line Tickets and Hotel reservations, before the Band Director announced participation the contest, it's not reasonable for there to be such penalties imposed on your son.</p>

<p>Hope you can work this out so he dosn't have to miss the other Band Activities he can attend.</p>

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<p>I agree with the above, however I feel it is best to skip the CPW. Of course getting a first hand 'feel' for a school is an essential factor in determining whether that is the place one wants to go to; however you wouldn't want your son to leave High school with a bad taste in the mouth. Definitely ask him to attend the contest.</p>

<p>Consider us internationals. A very low percentage of admitted intls have the opportunity to attend the CPW (visas, e.g.) and an even lesser percentage are able to do a campus tour before applying. But we must choose a college just like domestics.</p>

<p>Secondly, it's true that the CPW is designed to market MIT to prospective students, it will mostly consist of pre-set programming and activites. So it might be possible that your son will be able to get a closer look at MIT on some other, quieter day, rather than a bustling crowdy weekend.</p>

<p>Also, there are many students who will not be able to attend this year's CPW (as I've gathered from the blogs and on this forum), and most of them are planning to visit on the following weekend. Maybe you could get in touch with some of them, and go on a group visit. I'm sure some people at MIT will be able to show you around.</p>

<p>So the bottomline is - go for the contest rather than CPW.</p>

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<p>I agree w/ Mercury that there are advantages to attending during a more "typical" time. Students who fall in love with all the buzz of a pre-frosh weekend may not be getting an accurate picture of what it would really be like to attend the school. My son will be attending CPW plus the equivalent program at Caltech. But he has already visited both places. If he could only go once, he would have chosen the "normal" visits as being most indicative of life at the school. MIT arranged a dorm host for 2 nights, he visited classes, he wandered around and was able to interact with regular students who actually go there, not prefrosh and parents there for a single week-end.</p>

<p>Hotel reservations can be cancelled. CPW registration can be cancelled. (Matt's blog says that it's better for MIT if people who have potential conflicts to register and then cancel if necessary rather than wait until the last minute to try to register.) Flights may or may not be able to be changed easily, but in the context of everything else that should probably not be the deciding factor.</p>

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<p>I would say that CPW isn't the best week to visit MIT anyway. If you truly want to see what MIT is truly about, visit another time when students are actually stressing out about tests and projects, not when everyone is out throwing parties trying to attract prospective students. If you fell in love with any school because of the activities planned during PFW or CPW you would be in for a HUGE dissappointment.</p>

<p>After all, if the wizards at MIT can make the weather during CPW wonderful, who knows what other things they can conjure up :)</p>

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<p>Many people regret not going to CPW I hear. I'm skipping out on a lot for CPW. I'm missing two varsity matches against the #1 team (our cross town rivals) and also my last state convention of JSA, of which I'm a cabinet member. </p>

<p>Going to CPW though outranks things because I will be making some of my friends and meeting my peers for the next four years - and onwards - and I wouldn't miss that for the world. Especially since it is my top choice, I will show my unrestricted love/obsession for MIT in any way possible.</p>

<p>Plus, everyone at MIT puts a helluva lot out to make this an awesome weekend for all of us.</p>

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<p>I think the band leader guy is a jerk, and I would go to CPW just to spite him.</p>

<p>But that's just me.</p>

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<p>If at all possible, move the flight plans and hotel bookings. Honestly, I didn't meet any of my "lifelong friends" during CPW - I met my closest friends here itself. Sure, we do a lot for CPW, but given the concerns you've put forth, I'd say come another weekend. (CPW events are VERY similar to orientation, and he can do just about everything at orientation that he missed at CPW).</p>

<p>The best thing to do, I think, is lay out all the details for your son and let him choose. His high school career is coming to an end. For me, at least, second semester senior year was one of the best times I had in high school - I think everyone should have that experience to be with friends and just relax. On the other hand, college is just starting. He can visit MIT another weekend, like during his spring break or something. We've been seeing prefrosh here quite regularly since early February, and I know everyone goes all out to make sure they enjoy their time, also. CPW might be a specified time, but we do try to make sure any visiting prefrosh at any time gets the most out of their experience.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
Posted by emmittisgod
I think the band leader guy is a jerk

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I completely agree.</p>

<p>The guy is like a clone of my varsity basketball coach. Is your son really happy playing in a band with such an irrational, biased director? Your son is being maltreated through no fault of his own.</p>

<p>Regardless of CPW, I'd not only not go to the performance, but also quit the band.</p>

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<p>While I agree with geniezclone and emittisgod, quitting at this point will make AnonTXmom's son look like a jerk himself, and ppl will say things like 'he got into MIT, so he doesn't care about anything else anymore...' If the band thing is really that important, then go for it. Shrugging off responsibilities is no solution, sometimes you have to make comrpomises.</p>

<p>You know what I mean.</p>