Forcing a student to live in the dorms

I can sympathize with you and your D about the food. As I mentioned, S did not eat in the cafeteria all of last year. He has Crohns and allergies, so eating has always been a concern. His freshman year, when he didn’t have a car and tried to eat in the cafeteria, he lost 15 pounds, which he could ill afford. Last year, he did have a car and he bought a mini-fridge. He kept it stocked with yogurts, milk and juices. He ate a lot of cereal and cheese sandwiches. The dorm did have a microwave, but no oven. And he ate out a lot, which drained his budget.

woodwinds, have you tried getting a doctor’s note about the food issue?

The doctor’s note specifically addressed the food issue. the school’s response was that they work with students and prepare a carefully designed diet for them. We’ll see. My daughter said the only food generally provided was the salad.

My philosophy is that learning to cope with adverse situations helps one grow in resilience. My kid is learning to be a better advocate for himself and to take charge of his health issues. I hope your D can too.

Well, it’s easy to advocate self-reliance for other people’s children when one’s own kids have learned successfully to be self-reliant. My oldest daughter is extremely self-reliant, so I used to look askance at folks who advocated for college-age kids. I soon learned (with daughter #2) that some kids need a lot more guidance and advocacy than others, and for longer into their 18+ adulthood…but they all get there eventually. Funny, my youngest is also extremely self-reliant. My oldest recently had to have a tooth replaced because (she now tells us) she could not afford dental care in her early 20s and was too proud to ask use for help. We would have helped her in a minute if we’d known. Now in her late 20’s she realizes how tenderly we cared for her teeth all through childhood and she wishes she had come to us. It’s all a learning experience.

Oh, believe me - my S is “learning” to be self-reliant but he’s not there yet. He is my late bloomer. He’s making baby steps every year. But it has been a long, hard slog. Great learning experience for him, but painful for parents to watch sometimes.