<p>I’ve been asking around, and there is a remarkable range out there. Even my friends who say they didn’t have one at least admit to having an understanding of conditions and boundaries. Some examples:</p>
<p>Money continues to flow if</p>
<p>-- GPA remains above x.xx
– GPA above x.xx, no piercings or tattoos
– GPA above x.xx, parents get password
– Finish in 4 years</p>
<p>Control on the flow of money is also different from parent to parent:</p>
<p>-- If student loses scholarship, student pays to compensate
– Have student use their cash/loans for xx%, to be paid later by parent if conditions are met
– Certain amount required to be loans even if parent has the money to teach responsibility and values</p>
<p>My son will be a freshman next year, not honors. I’m not going to have him sign anything, but my (tentative) conditions are </p>
<p>(1) remain in good standing,
(2) maintain progress toward <em>a</em> degree (if he drops or withdraws from a class, plan for a heavy load next semester or summer school to keep up, and
(3) no evident drug use or alcohol abuse</p>
<p>I know it’s up to him now, not me or us. I think these simple conditions will let me hover less, not more.</p>
<p>What contracts or conditions worked for you?</p>
<p>Go to class, pass the class! D will pressure herself to get the A. </p>
<p>That is all I ask, I don’t need to tell D not to use drugs or not to get tattoos because she knows right from wrong and has a fear of needles ;)</p>
<p>Not having DS sign anything. However he knows we expect him to do his best to keep his GPA high enough to keep his scholarship, not do anything stupid to ruin his future(drugs) and oh, we prefer he wait to get married and have children until he’s out of college.:)</p>
<p>I’m glad that neither of my kids have an interest in tattoos. (My personal opinion is that many of these kids are going to regret some of these inkings in the future.) </p>
<p>They’re both very opposed to drugs, so no worries there. They both will occasionally party, but they know never to drink and drive, never to drink anything that comes from some “party bowl” (concoction of who-knows-what), and eat a full meal before attending a party…and that we will pay for a taxi ride home (no questions asked) rather than have them drink and drive. </p>
<p>My kids knew that they were expected to keep their scholarships. Since they both had been A students their whole lives, I wasn’t worried that they would lose their scholarships, but if there had been a time when “danger signs” were out there, we would have told them that we wouldn’t pay for lost scholarships.</p>
<p>Many thanks. Although I scoffed at my friend’s tattoo prohibition at the time, it’s starting to make sense. If S came home inked up, I’d be heartbroken and definitely feel betrayed. I’m not sure I’d yank funding, but it’s probably a good idea for him to understand that I would have issues with it. </p>
<p>Maybe I need to get a few of these obvious unwritten conditions out in our next kitchen table conversations?</p>
<p>That’s the way I’ve done it. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned what is expected in college enough times that even my 6th grader knows what the conditions are.:)</p>
<p>How we’ve influenced our kids the first 17-18 years of their lives continues to influence their decisions well past leaving the house, whether we hover or not. I see nothing wrong with hovering after they’re gone. I do it to stay involved in my S’s life and to celebrate it with him. Roll Tide.</p>
<p>billthepoet…We did do a contract. We have a good kid, on a Presidential, but we felt that the expectations needed to be fully listed. GPA expectations, even though D is driven and trying to get into a very competitive program. D went Greek and we put in the contract that if her GPA fell below a 3.5, then we would no longer pay for sorority dues. No ink or additional piercings allowed. I have no problem sharing if you’d like a copy, just PM me.</p>
<p>I was an A student on a full ride my freshman year…a LONG time ago…I left school as a soph with a 1.8 gpa and a lost scholarship, but I had a blast while it lasted. It is still one of my big regrets in life. It happens and it helps to spell out the consequences and of course we had quite a few discussons before we all signed.</p>
<p>We don’t have a written contract but DH gives DS $100 for each unit of A. We tell him that if he keeps his grades up, keeping the Presidential scholarship, we can fund things like study abroad and having a car in the future. He’s so tied into the Honors peer group that he is motivated to keep up grades. Roll Tide.</p>
<p>OP - One thing about tattoo’s is that some companies have a no-tattoo rule – or a dress code stipulating tattoos should be covered. Sometimes kids don’t realize that it could affect their future employment. I was in a college MGMT class last semester and a guest speaker came in. He was talking about what he looked for in employees. He used one of the girls in the class as an example. She was dressed nicely but had a butterfly tattoo on her lower calf. He explained to all the kids that she should cover up her tattoo when interviewing because it could make the difference on whether she got the job or not.</p>
<p>I showed the draft to my son over the weekend. It is not currently a contract, I’m calling it “Plan A.” It’s in writing but it’s not a list of negatives, it’s a short list of understandings and boundaries, on both sides. </p>
<p>I threw a little humor in the contract to lighten up the discussion. He actually liked the one that said, [DS] “agrees to stay out of trouble with dorm hall monitors, campus police, local police, FBI, mall cops, Apple, CIA, Google, NCIS, etc…”</p>
<p>No bounced checks, no missed oil changes, one low-limit credit card with timely payments made…</p>
<p>I mentioned the contract idea to a friend whose daughter is currently a freshman at another school. She was concerned that her daughter would be so into partying and having a good time that she would not make time for studying. Don’t know if my friend decided for or against the contract, but I understand her concern. Her daughter is very social, very into friends and hanging out. I suggested that she set a GPA requirement but make it reasonable. I explained that a higher GPA could mean more scholarship dollars once she is on campus, thus reducing the amount of loans she could have. </p>
<p>Turns out that the daughter has grown up a lot. She was on the Dean’s List in the fall.</p>
<p>TXArchitect - I love your ideas…especially the oil changes. D will have a car on campus next year and that is a great thing to remind them of.</p>
<p>After the most recent discussion over on the guys packing list thread, I would add ( and not just for boys):</p>
<p>RESPECT for the feelings and physical well-being of other students, be they roommates, friends or partners-in-romance…have their back at all times.</p>
<p>Consider physical love the outward sign of ONLY a dedicated internal devotion, and act accordingly. (If you haven’t met the folks, you aren’t ready!)</p>
<p>Travel in groups…there is safety in numbers.</p>
<p>Hang with those who improve you, and</p>
<p>Wash towels, sheets and underwear on HOT. Wash dish towels on HOT ( but NOT with the underwear).</p>
<p>My S has a GF here at home, but he is a teenage boy after all, so before he went off to school we had the "It used to be that “No meant no”, but in this day and age it’s been changed to “ONLY yes means yes” talk. I’m sure he hated it, but in this day and age even an acusation can ruin the entire lives of very promising young men far too quickly.</p>
<p>I like the wash the sheets in hot idea… I’m wondering how often my DS will do that though. If he runs outs out of towels or underwear that’s a sign it’s time to do laundry, sheets on the other hand aren’t so obvious. :(</p>
<p>Ok, here’s a whacky idea I remember my neighbor telling me. When she sent her S off, at move-in, she actually put multiple pairs of fitted sheets on the bed, and all he had to do was peel one layer off once in awhile. Do not know how many she originally stacked on there, but I did hear that they all needed to be thrown away once he got home, because she didn’t think ANY had ever been washed. I am already thinking my own S’s nice memory foam mattress pad is probably toast…</p>
<p>The only contracts I’ve ever made with my parents have been that if I never used tobacco products, I would get $100 and if I got good grades, my mom would make my bed if I forgot. Giving me $100 for every A would be a very expensive proposition. 
I’ve kept both contracts.</p>
<p>I personally operate under a set of implied contracts with myself that are relatively strict. However, there are a lot of students who cannot operate under similar self-regulation.</p>
<p>Based on some of the things at UA and knowledge of college-aged people in general, I can think of a few good rules, some of which are:</p>
<ol>
<li>Treat yourself and others with respect and recognize that their needs and desires may be different than yours.</li>
<li>Love carefully. Use birth control and STD/STI protection.</li>
<li>Don’t use nicotine-containing products. This includes hookah. Nicotine is very addictive and tobacco use will cause your insurance premiums will rise, your body to become less healthy, and you will be spending a lot of money in the process. Many employers will not hire people who use nicotine-containing products.</li>
<li>If you feel depressed, seek professional help.</li>
<li>NEVER drive drunk or ride with someone who’s been drinking.<br></li>
<li>Take Suze Orman’s motto to heart: people first, then money, then things.</li>
<li>Be true to yourself; live, laugh, and love.</li>
</ol>