<p>This isnt exact but...</p>
<p><em>Peter having a garage sale because he thinks he's dying</em>
Lois: But Peter you loved your first bike!
Peter: Yeah I had some great times with this bike...
<em>flashback</em>
Shows a pic of peters bike and shows him with a tea set
Peter: More tea mr. bike?</p>
<p>something like this...</p>
<p>Mr. Weed: <em>holding up a tranquilizier gun</em> I have enough darts to take down Robert Downey Jr. Heh heh.
*no one laughs</p>
<p>Peter comes to stay at Cleveland's House</p>
<p>Cleveland: Our house is your house Peter. I would stay here and chat with you but it's our anniversery and the getting's good.</p>
<p>*Peter is trying to sleep downstairs on the coach, hear thumping sounds and Cleveland Going like</p>
<p>Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. When's it gonna be my turn? Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.</p>
<p>It's only really funny if you watch it though.</p>
<p>Peter <em>flashes back</em> thinking about he was always better at stuff than Chris....</p>
<p>Chris: Hehe I got your nose
(takes hand up and takes <em>nose</em> aka his thumb)
Peter: Hehe I got your face
(Peter reaches up and rips off Chris's skin off his face making Chris run around the room with his muscles all exposed on his face.)</p>
<p>HAHAHAHAHA</p>
<p>lmao must watch family guy tonight at my sober <em>wink wink</em> get together</p>
<p>i know this is long, but stick with it, these are some of my favs that have not been mentioned:</p>
<p>Lois: Peter, what did you promise me?
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the stag pa-- ... Whoa. I almost walked into that one. </p>
<p>Peter: Can't we tell them that your mother died?
Lois: Peter, I'm not gonna lie about something like that.
Peter: All right, all right, I'll kill your mother. </p>
<p>Lois: Peter, did you paste a new picture of yourself on our wedding picture?
Peter: Yeah I think it looks better.
Lois: You pasted it over me.
Peter: Yeah I think it looks better. </p>
<p>Lois: I'm upset because you never listen to me. This is Atlantic City all over again.
[Lois and Peter at Blackjack table]
Dealer: You've got 20!
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter, don't.
Peter: Hit me.
Dealer: 21!
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter.
Peter: Hit me.
Dealer: That's 30
Peter: Hit me. </p>
<p>Lois: Have you been drinking?
Peter: Why, yes, I have. Thank you. </p>
<p>Lois: Come on Stewie, you know you can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables.
Stewie: Well, then I shall sit here until one of expires, and you've got a good forty years on me, woman. </p>
<p>Lois: My days in college were so exciting. This one time, the national guard came and shot some of my friends.</p>
<p>Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.</p>
<p>Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running?
Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually. </p>
<p>Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking. </p>
<p>Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a RANT here but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowolf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antetum. I mean when a neo-conservative defenstrates it's like Raskalnakov filibuster dioxymonohydrostinate.
Peter: What the hell does RANT mean? </p>
<p>Peter: [writing letter] Dear MacGuyver, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw. Please save my dog. </p>
<p>Brian: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?
Peter: Um, if by "read" you mean imagined a naked lady, then, yes. </p>
<p>Peter: Hey, What's His Name?
Al Gore: Dick Army
Peter: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. No Seriously What Is It?
Al Gore: Dick Army
Peter: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. Hey Dick, What's Your Wife's Name? Vagina Coastguard? </p>
<p>Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle i find, i shall KILL you.</p>
<p>Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside. </p>
<p>Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. </p>
<p>Chris: When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles my brain. Hah hah hah ... ow. Oh, now I don't know math. </p>
<p>Cleveland: If you're this desperate about Chris's weight, why don't you just suck the fat out?
Peter: Look, if you can find a hole on the boy that you want to put your lips on, be my guest.</p>
<p>oh hell, can't post them all</p>
<p>just go to familyguyquotes.com</p>