In the last few months, I’ve helped two older relatives move from their beautiful homes into senior living communities. Major downsizing, although both had already made intermediate moves. One was totally unsentimental and just wanted it all gone. In some ways, it was really difficult to see how little attachment she had to anything yet it greatly facilitated the process. But geez, photo albums, wedding pics, etc., - no interest?
The other was really disappointed nobody wanted her things. Many had real value and an antique dealer snatched them up for a song. There were a few pieces I would have loved but couldn’t figure out how to move or how to use in my own home. I know that she probably rationalized buying them by telling herself they’d hold their value. But I think she also felt that we’d all want those to remember her. It really was an interesting study in how people relate to their things, and it’s made me think too about that relationship.
A couple of us are helping a friend clear out over 40 years of “stuff” from the recently sold house. It’s a large undertaking…and really, if possible, this person would want to take everything with her. It’s not possible. As it gets closer to the closing date, we hope she will be willing to purge more. Much of what we are packing is not needed…how about all the food stored in a large pantry?? We did toss everything that was open or expired. But yikes…six boxes of food to move? We are hoping that this can be donated to the food pantry.
Thousands of books, and a lot of beautiful art pieces of all kinds. But really…too too much to take to a two bedroom apartment.
Both the relatives mentioned above used a moving company that specializes in senior moves. (They were incredible, btw!) But one of the things they did was go through the house and ask the person to indicate the pieces they wanted to bring. They measured all of them and then helped them come up with a furniture arrangement using a 3D floor plan of the new unit. Of course, in their cases, they also wanted to be sure a wheelchair or walker could maneuver, etc., (side tables, not coffee tables!), but boy did that help.
These folks were great listeners, so they understood what was important to each of these ladies, and helped them out too. One was persuaded to consider taking a convertible sleeper chair that could accommodate an overnight guest when they understood how much visits meant. The other was urged to bring fewer items requiring storage so she could convert a closet into a sewing nook because she still loves to do that. But it also persuaded one of them that she had to be far more ruthless in parting with furniture.
The visualization process, though, really helped avoid moving things that would not fit.
They were amazing. Several visits before, photographed shelves and drawers so everything could be “where it belonged” when unpacked, estate sale, and disposal of all unwanted items. And phenomenally kind people. So smooth and easy. And so smart!
Exactly what my sister and I were tasked to do in a week and a half last year, the same month Mom passed away. I honestly think I have PTSD from that experience. I have to get over my anger at my dad for allowing that to happen. He had three years to plan ahead before his heart surgery that went bad.
(The last straw was when he got upset that Sis and I failed to find an old family Bible that he rescued from the estate sale. When I heard he was telling people, “I guess the girls missed it,” I was furious. Yeah, Dad, I guess we missed it because we were dealing with crap like boxes of your business letterhead with our old house address that we moved out of in 1973!)
The house we built had a 2700 sf basement. I currently have an 18x15’ 1895 basement. Due to Midwest tornadoes, I won’t buy a house without a basement.
H misses the old one. He liked the cave/cool atmosphere. I hated how it became a dumping ground.
We don’t currently have a garage, and that’s not fun during Indiana winters. H was insistent on the cars always being in the garage. I’m ok with waiting for a good contractor and some cost stabilization. Hopefully soon.
I like having a basement. It was finished and already divided when we bought the house. One room for water stuff ( we have a well), one exercise room, an electric room, a large area for living where we had a flat screen TV, a large closet where we keep old games and toys and the suitcases, a closet under the stairs that is lined in cedar, and the utility room which has the furnace, heater etc and a pantry with lots of shelves. We also store Xmas stuff here. There’s also a wine corner. Overall, it isn’t that large but it’s totally functional and cool in the Summer without AC. Lots of natural light too.
Wouldn’t trade it as our other houses had old basements that were unusable.
I don’t know if it’s been mentioned here (tried to search, but it didn’t come up) but some of you faced with downsizing, getting rid of things, going through parental estates, etc. may find the book by Matt Paxton “Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff” a helpful guide. I got it from my library. It talks about the emotional attachment to items which is really about the memory, not the item, and has lots of guides and suggestions to de-clutter and get rid of stuff.
Thanks - I just put the book on hold at our library.
Yes, definitely agree that often it is the good memories we want to keep. Sometimes I reflect on my good fortune of having such a happy childhood (and parenthhood), which makes me want to keep many items.
Little by little I send more stuff out the door. Usually it’s ARC donation. But I definitely prefer finding an eager recipient via Facebook Buy Nothing or other methods.
Colorado_mom- yes, I feel the same. So very luck to have had a happy childhood and family time as an adult. It was hard getting rid of my parents’ stuff in large part because of that - so many wonderful memories. But what really helped was thinking how much my mom would have been pleased to see young families using the furniture (through very inexpensive selling on FaceBook market or giving away). It was slower than an estate sale or a yard sale but so much more gratifying to see things go to people who were delighted.
I agree. But I’ve had a few yard sales and I’ve seen quite a lot of delighted people!
The kids clothes to parents who needed them, the cookware to young people, the furniture to young people who need it, the baby stuff to those needing it, families outfitting their families with goods. The book lover. It’s not all scavengers at a yard sale.
True, gouf78 - yard sales can be very nice and you do see the people who buy the things which is a plus. I did have a yard sale early on at my parents’ house - it was just me in a big house filled with stuff and the word ‘scavenger’ did come to mind -professional reseller folks who ran through the house grabbing stuff. A guy who came even took pity on me and gathered some boxes of coins - gave them to me and said: “put these away, people will take them.”
I’ve shopped at yard sales for years - this was very disconcerting. I know that other people have had positive experiences though…!
My rule of thumb for tag sales I’ve had…clean the items, and put broken things in the trash. I was recently at an “estate sale” which more resembled the landfill with things on tables. The owner was very upset that things didn’t sell. Everything was filthy.
I did buy one item because I sort of felt obligated to do so…a pitcher. It was very very dirty but I soaked it in hot water and it’s actually quite gorgeous.
There were sets of pretty Czech crystal water and wine glasses…again…a wipe off with hot water would have taken the years of dirt off….but no one bought them.
If you really want things to sell, the presentation can matter.
thumper1 - I agree, presentation is important. These days, though, I no longer have the energy for yard sales - standing in the sun for hours w/people offering 50 cents on a one dollar item (and I know how low to price!).
Now I just throw the nice stuff up on FB Market or Buy Nothing and donate the rest (still decent) to Good Will. Family members have told me Good Will is not the ideal charity - but they are so convenient with multiple drop-offs minutes away. Plus, when I was a single mom in graduate school and just starting out professionally - that’s where I got my (nice quality) working suits/clothes for internships. So I feel like it is going to those who can benefit.
@CC_Jon just an FYI. This is one of the posts I’ve read a few times in hopes it will finally show as read.
Sorry to take this off topic but…
Re: Goodwill or any resale shop…please make sure you take only things they can and will actually sell. Otherwise you are burdening them with the costs of disposal.
One of my neighbors is your kindred spirit. They were having what looked like a yard sale. But driving by I noticed a sign that said “everything free”. Seemed like a great way to get rid of stuff without just tossing it all.
They kept it up for a week then presumably tossed everything that didn’t disappear.