I ran into this charming essay in New Yorker on clearing out unused and unwanted possessions that have piled up over the decades. She and her husband decided to act as if they were moving. I love how they found happy recipients of so much of their stuff.
I know there are some related threads but they seem to have dropped way down. Some of the items the author discussed sounded very familiar - when we moved five years ago, I cut down our glass/crystal bowl collection, and got rid of a set of cut glass champagne glasses. We still have more than enough of both.
Oooo. I just got three of the last New Yorkers in one mail delivery. Will love to read this. And Ann Patchett is a great writer. I literally just said to spouse yesterday that when #2 leaves for college in the fall and we have only #3 left, I’d like to do a BIG PURGE. Like moving. All the crap, all the extra stuff, all the outgrown or no longer used stuff. All the stuff we kept saying “oh one of the kids will use this when a little older” and that never happened. I want to get out from under it all.
I’m in the middle of this now. Just packed 4 boxes of books to donate. I’m keeping the cook books I use. The floors of the bedrooms are getting redone. My goal is to have my house ready for my death. Each box marked and excess belongings gone. I’ve accumulated so much stuff from traveling, art shows, parents’ home, etc.
In addition, my office is getting redone. All the floors being torn up and replaced with fake wood, and rooms painted. So, I have boxes of office files and books here in my house. Yikes!
A friend sent me that article. It is extremely well-written. I appreciated her inner struggle with the guilt of burdening others with what she was giving them. Even though the recipients wanted the items.
I am so glad we have purged. I recently bought two new cookbooks, and I already regret it. Other than clothing, I just don’t enjoy “stuff” much anymore.
I still have too many photos, but they are well-labeled and contained. Ds will easily be able to sort through them and keep any he wants. I feel like our house is pretty ready for our deaths. Ds would have to clear food, our clothing, and personal hygiene products. Two boxes of files. Everything is labeled. I truly don’t think there is anything else we could do other than streamline the photos. And, I don’t stand to gain much by doing that, and he won’t suffer much by having to. Then he will have his own beach condo or can easily sell it fully furnished.
I read that article and thought it was really well-written and just beautiful. I was really moved by it…but still can’t seem to clear anything out of my own house!
We went in the wrong direction with “stuff” when we bought a house to live in part time while trying to figure out where, how and when to build in our future retirement location. Now I have two houses full of stuff to sort out by year end (I hope.) In the meantime, I have surgery scheduled soon and am also dealing with a recurrence of rotator cuff problems, so I need to get H on board or I will find myself in a panic come fall.
I don’t know why I’ve held onto my mother’s sterling flatware and her many pieces of silverplate serving bowls and dishes, including a large punch bowl and dozens of cups. They don’t bring back fond memories and our kids sure don’t want them. A consignment store in our retirement location sometimes carries things like that, so I may give them a try.
I still have a very hard time downsizing. I don’t have nearly the number of redundant items mentioned in the posted article, but I do have an abundance of “someday” project materials (which I occasionally do return to), special toys saved for not-yet-existent grandchildren, and memory items.
For example, I haven’t sewn in ahwile, but still have some fabrics and elastic, which was a tremendous find when making masks in early Covid days. It was a joy to assemble a craft box for a friend’s daughter. Most of my memory items are not collectibles or even souvenir type items, but gifts or treasured items from deceased relatives or dear friends. They each tell a story, and I still enjoy the memories they bring.
Will they mean anything to someone else? I doubt it. To downsize items listed above would feel like “death by a thousand cuts” to me, but easily discarded by someone else.
I’ve told my children to please take the few items they want, and let a clearing type business handle the rest. Perhaps that is selfish, but how have those of you who have been successful purging memories, get beyond that? I try to share with them now instead of waiting, but they are the same as I was in my youth. I didn’t want my grandparents’ or parents’ “stuff”. As I matured, and started needing my own household items, I wish I had taken at least the useful items. I treasure the few I do own now.
Our home office was in our basement from 1999 through 2008, when we built an addition that included a new office. The old office is still FULL of engineering reference books, some dating back to the '80s. We haven’t used most of them in many years. BUT you never know when you’re going to get a project in a building that was designed in the 80s and might need information on how/why it was constructed the way it was. So I guess we’ll keep all that stuff until we retire. Sometimes book stores will pay a good bit for material like this since engineers are always looking for old resources.
I once read a suggestion to take photos of sentimental items that we’re not using/don’t anticipate using and that are not decorative-- in other words, items we keep solely for their sentimental value. Preserving the memory with a photo makes it (theoretically) easier to let go of the item itself. I think I’ll do this with a few items this week.
For me, the memories are in my head and heart - not in the stuff. Some people are just more sentimental than others. That isn’t a good or bad thing - it’s just how some people are. If you like having those things, you should keep them.
I guess I would ask - do you know what items your children might want or are they going to have to scavenge through all of your things to find them? I truly hope that doesn’t sound harsh. At a minimum I would ask them what they want and segregate and label those items (if they are not things you are currently using). I mean, it’s easy to point to a piece of furniture, but if there are some memorabilia items that matter to them but are commingled with those that don’t, it would be nice for you to pull those. I hope I am making sense.
My husband is the pack rat. After both of his parents were gone and they were selling the house back east, he made three trips from Chicago with a rented SUV and brought it back full each time. Then we moved it all to San Diego
On my part, when we moved here, I kept what gave me joy, to be trite. Some of it may never get used, but I enjoy looking at it. When my mom passed away right after we moved, I streamlined what I wanted of hers to take and keep. Other than the Danish modern dining room table and chairs - I paid more to have it moved than it cost originally but I love it.
Our son isn’t sentimental but wouldn’t be comfortable discarding things that we kept. He’s a worrywart and would be afraid of making a mistake. Maybe someday he’ll end up with a wife who can decide what they might want to use. Anyway, if the husband goes first, I am clearing out most of his stuff. If I go first, our son’s in trouble when his dad goes. He will need help for sure.
I can’t recommend this book high enough: Let it Go by Peter Walsh. It’s not an organizing book as in, “put all your clothes on equal size hangers” advice. It’s more about dealing with the emotions of decluttering and/or downsizing.
@Hoggirl , this hits it on the head for me - I’m not overly sentimental about things. I’m more sentimental about memories and storytelling - stuff not so much!
The Swedish death cleaning idea was interesting. I sold my house and got rid of almost all my possessions (including a doll collection, similar to the author’s dolls). It is only recently that I connected this to my cancer in 2015. I am moving this week and apart from one small storage unit with photo albums etc., everything I own fits in my small car. I think I went too far!
