Grade my essay.

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<p>We define “courage” too loosely. Real courage is conscious self-sacrifice, either for the sake of others or to uphold a value. But we typically identify a single aspect of courage—daring or honesty, for example—as the entire virtue. We even say it takes courage to differ from the mainstream in one’s preferences in fashion or music or to speak out about certain wrongs. Such acts, though admirable, are not necessarily courageous.</p>

<p>Adapted from John McCain with Mark Salter, Why Courage Matters</p>

<p>Assignment:</p>

<h2>Should we limit our use of the term “courage” to acts in which people risk their own well-being for the sake of others or to uphold a value? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</h2>

<p>To have courage is to be able to venture and withstand fear and difficulties. The term courage should only be used in certain situations where a person is able to tenaciously fight for what he or she believes is right.</p>

<p>In "To Kill A Mockingbird" by Harper Lee Atticus Finch acquiesced to always love his children-Jem and Scout. Scout, Atticus' daughter, first recognized her father as courageous by shooting the mad dog. Both Atticus' children were proud and impressed by their father's courage.
However, Atticus' definition for "Real Courage" is when somebody fights whether he or she wins or loses. He defines it as an intellectual level of facing problems. The lifetime when Atticus lived in the town of Maycomb was filled with racism against black people, furthermore, against anyone who would stand up for, or even talks to a black person. Atticus stood up for a black man, Tom Robbison, who was accused of rape. Atticus knew that he wouldn't win the case, but if he didn't stand up for him no one else would. Atticus' strong sense of morality and justice motivates him to defend Tom. He knows that the town will taunt him, nevertheless, he showed bravery in defending Tom. Atticus' sister decried to his decision and tells him that he brought disgrace on the family. He believed that standing up for what he believes in is far more important than what people think about him.</p>

<p>Aside from the fictional novel "To kill a mockingbird" Harper Lee the author is considered courageous for writing and publishing a book about racism in a time when white people were racist against black people. Her book effectively demonstrates that in every aspect of life, there are connections between races and that Human beings are human beings regardless of races, color, gender etc. </p>

<p>The Author Harper Lee and Atticus were both very courageous to stand up against what people during their lifetime thought and believed in. Unlike what Jem and Scout thought about courage as holding a weapon. Courage is a lot more beyond this level, it is a more intellectual level.</p>

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<p>I’d give you a 7/12. </p>

<p>Your essay had a few grammatical or coherent errors in it, but it wasn’t overwhelming. Your biggest flaw was a lack of examples. Although you tried to set Harper Lee and her book as different examples (which they are), it still sounds like only one example. This made the essay sound like an analysis of To Kill a Mockingbird, not necessarily an essay on courage. </p>

<p>On an essay about courage in To Kill a Mockingbird, you’d probably talk about Miss Maudie, Tom Robinson’s trial, and either Harper Lee’s publishing of the book or a counter argument to the children’s opinion of courage. This isn’t an essay on To Kill a Mockingbird though. Use more examples. You could talk about historical figures with courage (even overused ones such as Abraham Lincoln or Nelson Mandella), or perhaps prominent martyrs. Contemporary examples would be fine, you could talk about current activists or organizations with “courage”. One paragraph on literature examples is enough.</p>

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<p>my whole point was to somehow prove that though the literary fictional example proves my point, a realistic example also proves it. thanks for your help. I’ll try to support my essay with different examples later on.</p>

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<p>I’d give 6/12. Follow the conventional structure.</p>

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<p>wow! 6?? haha! okay what was that based on?</p>

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<p>^
He’s a ■■■■■. For example, he said a regular student should study 20 hours a day</p>

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<p>haha! so do you consider your self “a regular student”? just out of curiosity.
so garfieldliker, would you also give it around 6?</p>

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<p>I would give it an 8/12.</p>

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<p>thanks, alihaq. would you please tell me why you gave me that score? I would like to know so I can work on improving my mistakes before Jan 22</p>

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<p>Make it longer, use some better vocab (for example, an easy one to use is “myriad”), and slightly better examples.</p>

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<p>okay, thanks! :slight_smile: but I don’t think I could have wrote a longer one, cause I filled the two pages in the answer sheet.</p>

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<p>^
Is your handwriting large?</p>

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<p>

</p>

<p>My opinion about your essay was based on lack of a conventional, common, and generally used structure that I saw in your essay.</p>

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<p>well, it’s not LARGE, but it’s just that I’m always in a rush, I think I could have only added a sentence or two if I hadn’t crossed out some words, though. and I usually leave a line blank between each paragraph and the other, you think that’s essential?
I know this might be a bit irrelevant to my thread, but I just read the grammatix essay formula, and I think the personal examples aren’t as effective as literary and historical examples, is that right?</p>

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<p>I’m sorry if I don’t get exactly where my lack of “conventional used structure” that you saw in my essay… I never meant that what you said was fascinating anyways for you to use “wow” and “fascinating” both interchangeably… also, you added a whole other sentence… like did you correct the sentence, which in fact I didn’t say?</p>

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<p>^
I prefer literary and historical examples but Mike says that it’s difficult to think of one of those that perfectly supports the thesis, and so you’re better off making up a personal story which can be designed to fit the prompt.</p>

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<p>but I think he also said that the College board isn’t exactly testing my knowledge but how I can just make all the examples coherent and supportive… I don’t think it matters… it’s all about preference and mastery of any of the example forms, or what you think?</p>

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<p>^
I meant the Academic Hacker’s posts.</p>

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<p>I agree with the 7/12 score. It isn’t a very coherent essay. You need to show why courage should be narrowed down to a more limited case (as you had set out to do), and yet you arbitrarily designate Atticus and Harper Lee as courageous while treating more minor cases as not being courageous. You need to throw in a few sentences about how you would define courage.</p>

<p>Here’s an example of incoherence as it pertains to your clarification of courage:
“Courage is a lot more beyond this level, it is a more intellectual level.”</p>

<p>Not only is this a run-on, but it’s also extremely unclear. It’s a “more intellectual level”? What does that mean - that I have to sit down and ponder an act before it can be courageous? Please be clearer, and don’t use those kinds of throwaway sentences. Make your sentences count and actually mean something. Good luck.</p>

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<p>Noitaraperp… that is exactly what I posted my thread for. thanks! :slight_smile: other replies were also unclear to me. haha! and I thought I can have a very few grammatical mistakes, or I have a lot more? and I think I didn’t explain what I meant by “intellectual level” cuz it’s already been discussed in the two examples, mentioning that it’s not about shooting a dog using a weapon but it is about standing up for what someone believes in… I thought I should some up what I discussed in the introduction and examples.</p>