Our son is a freshman and he just called to let us know that he has mono. He has been instructed to quit the
crew team for the spring, not to stay out late anymore, and to basically rest and go to class. We live about a ten
hours’ drive away and I feel sort of helpless. Has anyone been through this with a child? What are some other
ways to help a child other than driving up to see them? Should I go and see him? Any advice welcome!
Many, many of us have been there.
Most of the kids manage to get through mono at school by doing what your son has been advised: getting tons of rest, not going out, doing basically nothing but going to class. Some take incompletes and finish the course(s) over the summer.
My daughter’s rather severe mono forced her to withdraw for the semester; she flew home and spent the next four weeks sleeping! ( I exaggerate just a tad.) She went to summer school & took extra courses in the following semester to stay on track.
You could certainly drive up to see your son, though know it would be more for your sake than his. There’s not much a parent can do for a kiddo with mono, unless it’s to sweet talk his roommates into being extra nice to him, to look out for him and give him plenty of opportunities to rest/sleep. You could bring him chicken soup. Or have it delivered:
https://www.grandmaschickensoup.com/
(I’m a big believer in chicken soup.)
Yup, did this last spring. There’s really nothing you csn do - we did not go - and it was only a 5 hour drive - so don’t feel guilty. Our son’s college health center notified his advisor - who notified his professors - and he missed class for about a week - until the health center cleared him to return to class. His main complaints were really bad sore throat and exhaustion. He did nothing else for a few weeks - really took it easy - just rested and went to class. He gradually increased his sctivity level after a month - and was close to fully recovered at about 6-7 weeks. He went abroad about 8 weeks after his diagnoses and was just fine, but it would depend on the severity of the case of mono.
My daughter came down with mono and strep a few weeks into her first semester in college. Her program was extremely demanding (art school). She arranged to drop one course, which she made up in summer school (at our expense). It wasn’t possible to lessen her responsibilities in the other courses. No other accommodation was made. She made trips home during Thanksgiving and the Christmas holidays. It worked out OK in the end.
Speaking of experience, I will add that it is extremely important to obtain a correct diagnosis and monitor any additional symptoms. Inasmuch as the consensus is that the perfect antidote is rest, it is important to NOT be lulled in believing it is normal to feel unable to do anything. Obviously, most cases will be mild (although still a royal PITA to overcome and extremely debilitating) but one needs to be very careful with cases where the mono is masking something more serious. I found out the hard way!
Have a plan in place for any emergency that might arise.
If he is still able to get up on his own, albeit very tiredly, then there isn’t a need for you to be there. If he needs assistance with his activities of daily life, them yes.
My child had mono twice and the first time it was extremely debilitating. She could not walk to the bathroom without assistance (as in I almost carried her). She required someone to be with her for most of her waking hours to assist her with providing food, bathroom runs and hygiene.
The second time was not as bad. She didn’t need total assistance, but it helped her to rest more.
I have heard of many cases of mono where people can still function but need to rest much more (like in between each activity…one hour class - rest… Trip to dining hall, rest, etc).
Asses how he feels the first few days and then govern yourself accordingly.
My kiddo came down with mono and had to sit out of crew as well…if an oar would hit the spleen it would be horrible. Rest, rest, rest. D said she fell asleep in some classes, but classmates kept her up to speed. Oh, and tell him no partying 
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Thanks, it helps to know that this is surviveable. Sending care packages and will keep in contact and see how he does. Would it be weird for me to call health services and speak with his physician? Is that even allowed?
I don’t think it’s necessary to speak with his doctor, he/she may not speak with you without his consent. My older one had mono freshman year. She really limited her activities by only going to class and not going out for a week. She stopped all sports for few months. She felt fine after 4-6 weeks. My nephew also got mono few months ago. I saw him last week and he looked pretty healthy.
Plenty of rest, no sports, he will be fine.
Our S just graduated, but she had mono her freshman year. We would call every night to see if we could help, but had to accept that she just had to rest and take care of herself. Try to worry as little as possible–I think our worry made our S worried, too. Good luck! Keep that spleen safe
Keep an eye out for complications, although they are rare, sometimes they happen. My D had mono at end of freshman year and was hospitalized twice over the summer and not medically cleared to return in the fall. In the vast majority of cases prudent care and behavior will have the student right as rain in no time. But every once in a while . . .
My S also had mono freshman year. We are lucky in that he went to college nearby so he came home for weekends while he was sick.
In addition to the other suggestions, I would tell your son to let his professors know that he has mono (I’d ask for a letter from health services to give the professors) in case he needs any accommodations over the next few weeks. My S’s professors were very nice about it – one gave him an extra week to study for a midterm since he was really knocked out right before the test, one let him take some extra time to finish a paper, and another allowed him extra time to finish a test (I guess he was sluggish so the extra few minutes allowed him to finish).
Sorry to hear your S has mono. My D had mono last semester and it was tough. If your S signs a release, the Wellness Center will speak with you. Usually, Wellness notifies the Dean of Students, who, in turn, notifies your child’s professors. You, or your S, may want to contact the Dean to make sure that has been done. IME, professors are pretty good about working with students in terms of class attendance and assignments.
A friend’s child recently had mono and was treated with corticosteroids. I’d never heard of that, but it seemed to help her. Maybe something he can discuss with his doctor?
There’s really not much you can do for him other than check-in, send care packages and encourage him to rest. Sending meal substitutes in the care packages is helpful. He may want skip a trip to the dining hall if he’s especially exhausted.
I absolutely think it is fine for you to speak with the college health services doctor. I had my son call me while he was with the doctor and we just spoke for a minute, but it reassured me that the situation was being handled.
I’ve been through it as the child. Just send love. Is there any family nearby that can pay a visit. That cheered me up. It’s a drag. But I survived and so will he. Lots of healing thoughts his way.
My son got mono last semester. The health center actually did not diagnose him, they just said he had a virus and to go home and rest. He wound up in the emergency room, and they diagnosed it. I suspect my son only told one professor, because he simply does not communicate things like that, but my guess is it was pretty obvious to his professors that he was sick. I offered to come up (6+ hours), but he was not interested. He survived and lived to tell, but his grades were not the best. (I’m not blaming that all on mono though). I hope he gets better before finals.
Really your son should talk to the Dean of Students, so they can notify the Professors.
And tell your son that he should eat, sleep, go to class, do homework, and nothing else.
He should monitor his grades, and if he needs to take an incomplete in one or two he should consider it (e.g., keep going to class but take the final later.) He should talk to his adviser/Dean about what would make sense.
I had pneumonia one semeseter, and I think I finished all my classes but took one incomplete in the toughest one, and when I came back for the next semester took the final.
My DD had mono at the end of HS Junior year and I am kind of glad she got it out of the way!
Younger DD had a horrid case of mono during freshman year of high school. Stomach pain, vomiting and high fever for weeks. When freshman college DD was diagnosed later that year, we over reacted. Raced to school five hours away and brought her home for a week. The enforced rest and the watchful eye of Mom was probably good for her but not really necessary because she had a mild case.
If he is able to take care of himself, get to class and the cafeteria he should be fine at school.
Thanks everybody. I’m realizing that part of the reason I’m probably overreacting is because I was in a really bad car accident my freshman year in college and started second semester late, dropped classes, etc. I hadn’t put that together until just now. Sending cookies and calling, will go see him if necessary – but it appears that it may indeed be a mild case.
My daughter had mono her freshman year. She was much closer, just over an hour away, so we came up with soup and love; and she communicated with her professors right away so they knew she was ill, many of them let her do the work without attending class, which helped a lot. It was a long time, though 5 weeks or so where she was very sick. She was only in school for a week before I got a call from a friend of hers from the emergency room telling me they were admitting her - not letting me know which hospital or what for! (She was playing touch football on the quad and fell and scraped a very ugly and jagged laceration around her knee - 17 stitches!). Later that year, she also broke her big toe.