Here's my why Swat essay...

Colleges and Universities A-Z Swarthmore College
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<p>I know it's really bad, so please criticize it!</p>

<p>Thanks</p>

<pre><code> The Venture Crew oath: “As a Venturer, I promise to...help strengthen America, to help others, and to seek truth, fairness, and adventure in our world.” Venture Crew is a coed branch of Boy Scouts that I have been a part of since my freshman year. As the president of our troop, I was very active in day to day decision making.
To help others, we held many fundraisers such as car washes or popcorn and wreath sales. All of our profits were donated to the organization of our choice. Within our crew there was a wonderful sense of community and organization. When camping, upon arrival at new campsites we divided into three groups: fire/water, food, and cleanup. Before exploring and having fun in our new surroundings we made sure everything was set up. On one particular canoe trip, a huge storm arrived at one in the morning and soaked two of the tents at the bottom of a hill. Everyone came out of their tents and into the rain to help our fellow crew members carry their soaking wet tents and belongings to higher ground.
Swarthmore’s tight knit community reminds me of our troop. During my visit, I noticed that the students did not form exclusive cliques. Students set their priorities and helped each other with work; once they completed their assignments, they enjoyed free time. I think I would thrive in Swarthmore’s competitive academic environment because it would give me the opportunity to challenge myself and be surrounded by other competitive yet helpful students. Although I would play for Swat’s Womens’ Basketball team, academics would be my priority.
Another aspect of my Venture Crew that reminds me of Swarthmore is the collaboration between adult leaders and troop members. In our troop we elected our own officials, voted on which trips to take, and organized our outings. The adults were there as our mentors and were always available for advice. Swarthmore’s professors seemed very willing to help and interact with their students on an individual basis– a product of small classes, dedicated professors and a lack of graduate programs. I am especially interested in Swarthmore’s Honors Program because it focuses on small discussions and an individual’s motivation to learn.
Ultimately, Swarthmore’s philosophy of leading a simple life appeals to me. As an avid camper, I have learned to appreciate basic necessities as well as the beauty on nature and the comradeship of fellow campers.
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<p>oops sorry, the paragraph formatting was lost from the copy and paste</p>

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<p>I'd mention Swat earlier on in the essay... for the first two paragraphs I was just waiting for you to explain why you like swat. I don't quite understand the purpose of the 2nd paragraph. I'd ditch the first two paragraphs and just start with "Swarthmore’s tight knit community reminds me of Venture Crew, a coed branch of Boy Scouts that I have been a part of since my freshman year." It would also help to use more specifics throughout the essay. I wouldn't use the word competitive in the 3rd paragraph, especially after talking about the students not being competitive. It seems like by "competitive" you mean bright/talented/etc., like a competitive applicant to college rather than someone who openly competes with someone else. </p>

<p>What exactly is Venture Crew? What do you do? Are there any other co-ed branches of boy scouts?</p>

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<p>thanks a million marlgirl! you're definately right. It's pretty corny too, hehe. I'll work on it. (I sure hope the deadline has really been changed to jan 20)</p>

<p>and Venture Crew is the only (i think) coed boy scout branch and it is only available for people 14 + and that have completed 8th grade. It's basically a high adventure group that's almost completely run by the participants...we've done trips such as skiing, boat trip in the bahamas, canoeing trip, hiking in Pictured Rocks (Michigan), and we went to the boy scout ranch, Philmont. :o)</p>

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<p>Improve the transition "...community and organization" to Camping. </p>

<p>The (?) "Boy Scouts"</p>

<p>I like your explanation of Venture Crew in your reply to Marlgirl. Can you incorporate it. </p>

<p>"As president..., I was very active..." Cliche</p>

<p>Can you make the essay in present tense rather than past? Past tense makes the reader believe that you have left that adventure, teamwork, organization etc behind. Have you? Will you? </p>

<p>I know nothing of Swath. other than reputation. But I question if Swath's philosophy is the "simple life." Paris Hilton (?) A different life or perspective perhaps. </p>

<p>JMHO.</p>