Homesick even though I live close to campus?

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Southern California
1

When I first moved to USC I wasn’t homesick for the first few months at all. I only live 1 hour away from home and I have a car on campus so I would spend the weekends home every 2-3 weeks. I was totally fine until Thanksgiving Break hit–I think that extended period of time with my family that wasn’t limited to 2 days really showed me what I was missing back home. I couldn’t stop crying the Sunday before I left and I was really mentally exhausted the days after Thanksgiving break.

Now it’s the second semester and I feel even worse after a month-long break at home. I feel so ridiculous crying and missing my parents because I only live 1 hour away and can go back whenever I want, but thinking about living in my dorm throughout the week and not being surrounded by my loved ones makes me burst into tears. Thinking about the fact that after each time I get to visit home, I have to come back to living here really upsets me.

Online I see a lot of tips about getting involved in clubs and going out more, talking with parents on the phone, but I’ve been doing all that. I’m in some clubs/service organizations, I’ve found a really solid group of friends, I explore L.A. with them on the weekends sometimes, and I call my parents occasionally to catch up with them. Don’t get me wrong, I really like USC. It’s just in those moments when I’m in my room working alone or eating dinner alone that I start to really miss my mom and dad and wish I was with them instead of spending time by myself.

Does anyone have any advice? Sometimes mid-breakdown I honestly consider transferring to a UC that’s only 5 minutes away from where I live but I know that I love USC more than that school. I’m extremely close to my family because we only have each other here in California and we’re an extremely tight-knit family. I just didn’t think it would be this hard to be away from them when I’m so close to campus.

Any advice/consolation would be really appreciated, I feel so silly feeling the way I do :confused:

2

If you are only one hour from home, and you begin to feel down and out without your family, make the trip back home for the up and coming weekend!

Let’s say you are getting upset thinking about your family on a Wednesday. You can plan a trip back home for the weekend, and you can use that as a coping method… “I’m going to be fine! I am going to see them this weekend!!”

Hope this makes sense/helps! Best of luck to you!!

3

It sounds like you’re doing everything right. You have friends and activities, and you’re getting off campus to do things. The homesickness will ease over time.

I actually think it is healthy for you to live away from your family for a while so you can become more independent. In the future you may take a job in another part of the country, and this separation will help you become more self-reliant. You should consider yourself lucky that you can go home so often since so many other students don’t make it back home freshman year until winter break.

Good luck - it will get better!

4

I’m a freshman and I feel the exact same way! I live on campus in the dorms and am from Orange County. When I first moved here I didn’t feel anything, but this time after spending a month home at break I miss my family so much. I would love to see them again. It’s not constant missing, but only when I remember or see families.

I haven’t made very many friends here, and it’s hard. I’m sure it will only go away with time. Best of luck to you too.

5

@stardustmom Thanks for the help! Do you think it’s better to not go home so often? Sometimes thinking about going home on the weekend is my clutch like the other user mentioned, but I think by doing that my time and weekends actually at USC make me sad when I’m not out and about with my family. I think I just need time and to start looking on the bright side of things :slight_smile:

6

@flyingpumpkin9 I’m from Orange County too! It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way, everyone in my dorm is so social and happy to be back that I feel out of place sometimes

7

@LoriLaner

you have a car and you’re 1 hour from home. you can go home every weekend if you want to. do what makes you happy.

8

@LoriLaner My son is now a junior and we also live about an hour away from campus. He would come home about one weekend a month or even just for a day as a freshman, which seemed to work well for him. I worried about him missing out on social opportunities by depending on his family too much. He was mostly hanging out with his suite mates as a freshman, but sophomore year he found his “tribe” and is now very busy and happy. His former suite mates also went off and formed other friendships with people who they had more in common with. He now comes home about every 5 to 6 weeks, and it’s usually because he needs to pick up something or there’s a family event.

I will say that going to a university that was not too far from home was a good choice for him. It was nice to have options. One of his roommates was an international student and he would only go home for summer. Fortunately, he had a very adventurous personality and seemed fine with it. My son would not have been happy to be in that situation.

9

To be honest with you , I think you need to be brave and get over it. Go home and visit on weekends . You have a car. You are now a college student and you need to try to break away from missing your parents. We all grow up at some point and leave home. One day you will leave home for good and start your own life. That’s how life is. This is the beginning of your independence and don’t ruin it by missing your parents and crying. Think positive. Think of the goid things about you. Some of the students at your school don’t have the opportunity to go home for thanksgiving. You will be fine. And please don’t move back home. Your parents love you and will be there for you to support but you have to allow yourself to grow up and make your life. college is part of that. Sorry you feel that way and it’s normal but you can do it. ‘What man can do , man can do’ . If others can do it so can you.

10

Having something to look forward to is important. Schedule your trips home well in advance and mark your calendar. Remember that moving away and living in the dorm is probably just as important a learning experience as going to the classes themselves. In the grand scheme of things, this is all part of growing up and becoming an adult–this is not easy!! Hang in there :slight_smile:

11

@LoriLaner I hope you are finding healthy ways to cope. I’ll add my two cents as a dad. I hope you find it helpful.

First, it sounds like you are doing the right things, and it will pass!

Having said that, it’s OK to feel sadness. It’s OK to miss your family. It simply means you are human. Moving from home and into adulthood is a huge transition. We all have difficult periods, and sometimes we need to reach out to those around us for support. Other times, we may be the ones giving support. While I disagree with the sentiment of “just get over it,” I do agree that this is a time of transition to being independent and making your own life. But transitions usually take time, effort and often some pain. You’ll be a better and stronger person for it.

Take advantage of going home if you really need to - it’s not a sign of weakness. Then try balancing that with not going home sometimes when you would like too. Sometimes when you feel homesick, give your parent(s) or sibling(s) a call and tell them you miss them. Then ask them what they have been doing to shift your attention outward. Again, balance that with other times when you turn to your friends or an activity at school to redirect your energy. In this way, you will be consciously and actively dealing with this transition. Over time, it will get easier, and sometimes just honestly acknowledging your feelings and accepting your feelings relieves some pressure.

Perhaps write a letter home telling them how much you value and appreciate the home life you have had and thank them for giving you that. At the same time, try developing confidence in your own abilities and strength. You are likely much stronger than you realize. Give it time.

As a parent of a college sophomore and a HS senior soon to be leaving for college, I can tell you that parents feel sad too. While we are happy to see our children becoming adults and growing as human beings, we miss them and sometimes the smallest thing triggers a bout of tears. The key is to allow the feelings to come, acknowledge them, but not to dwell too long on sentiments of nostalgia. This is a mental and emotional discipline that is critical in life - a balance between allowing sadness, yet not wallowing in it, and even learning to harness it to move us in a positive and creative direction. Again, it takes some work.

Also, it is important to distinguish between normal feelings of sadness or loneliness and clinical depression. If you are unable to function - if you cannot do homework, start missing classes because you can’t get out of bed, withdraw from friends, start drinking or taking drugs to cope, etc. - please seek professional help through the school’s health services. Even if you are not depressed, per se, you may still wish to speak with a counselor at school. You are not unique and they have seen plenty of homesick students. They may have some good suggestions to help you “over the hump.”

When you get through this, you will find a new inner strength and confidence that will allow you to thrive as you move forward with your life. Good luck and blessings to you.