It’s not unexpected, but the strain of being inside pretty much all the time, etc., seems like it’s finally starting to wear a bit on my son. When he first got home from Berklee he was doing really well (maybe even a little relieved to have some time and space to get some rest, etc.), and being very creative–writing music, practicing piano, recording some things just mostly for fun, etc. But I can see that the novelty is starting to wear off–as it is for me and, I’m sure, almost everyone else. He doesn’t seem very motivated to make music right now (I feel pretty certain that pushing him to do so won’t be helpful at all), and as it’s looking less and less likely that school will fully re-open in the fall (I hope that’s not the case, but…), everything just seems kind of weird and amorphous.
He’s decided to take some required liberal arts courses online over the summer, just to get them out of the way and have something to do, and he’s got the online (formerly Milan) film-scoring course as well. But he is saying–and I have to agree with him–that if Berklee doesn’t re-open for fall classes he may take the semester off, as obviously he’s not going to get the full experience of the music courses–no matter how well-run they may be–online. Not to mention just the experience of being an adult who is not having to live with his mom, which is important.
So I’m wondering how others’ kids are doing, and if you’ve come up with ways to help them through what is such an unprecedented uncertain and really depressing time for everyone. My son knows I’m always here for him if he needs to talk, and he’s in touch with friends from school, but the day-to-day isolation and being inside and not knowing what the future holds is bound to take its toll. I’m old, 
and have done pretty much everything I’ve wanted to do in life (and I’m keeping busy with writing, painting, trying to learn to dance, etc.), but it just seems so unfair for our kids, who are ready to get going with their own lives, to be stuck like this.
Hang in there @AsMother. My D has repeatedly posted in some way on Instagram that productivity is not a requirement in a pandemic…be nice to yourself. I think that she’s says it mainly as a reminder to herself.
I was a tad worried about my D’s emotional stability through this all (if she would get angry, depressed, sarcastic whatever and direct that at me…a safe target…as happened a lot during high school and college days). But she’s been pretty good and I really think it’s that she’s just a bit older (the rough edges seem to fad away in the late 20s). It also helps that she hasn’t had to move home and is self-supporting (even if that means unemployment benefits). I have a few friends with kids in their mid 20s who have returned from NYC to their high school bedrooms in cul-de-sacs. That would be rough. In that case, I’d probably be trying to comfort and hide from my D at the same time.
I wonder too what others will decide about fall semester. No easy answer there.
Oh…and as for me, I’m OK bc she’s OK. As the saying goes for mothers (and probs fathers too): you’re only as happy as your most miserable child.
AsMother—-
I posted about my son and his school in another post “Coronavirus and music schools-What’s happening?”
My son is doing fine. He is cooking a lot and eating a lot. And me, too! Our grocery bill is skyrocketing…Also, I’ve never ever felt good this much about him playing video game with his friends (I now know that lots of musicians play video games, too). Video games sure make him stay at home.
I asked my son if he would consider taking a semester off if his school decides to go online in fall semester. He got mad at me. He really wants to go back to school as soon as he is allowed in August, October or even January. And I think that his school will come up with better online classes / solutions than current classes if they need to go online full fall semester.
Only one of my 3 is with me, and when she goes back to work or sees friends she is going to get an apartment with others. AsMother is it possible for your son to think about spending any leave from school with friends?Can he go to Boston anyway?
Thanks, everyone. I guess my son has his good days and his frustrated days (like the rest of us). Like you, @bridgenail , I guess I worried about being the target of his frustration with things, but he really does very rarely turn that toward me (and if he does, I remind him that I didn’t invent this pandemic, or whatever it is that’s bothering him at the moment). I do get a little freaked out when I can hear him getting annoyed by little things (“Oh, come ON!!!”), but that has less to do with him than my own life experiences before him. But yup–if I know that he’s basically okay, I can deal with pretty much anything else! I’m definitely with you (and, I’m sure, all the other parents here) on that!
@JeJeJe , yeah–I thought that this would be a “cheap” month, because there’s nothing to spend money on…or so I thought! But we are going through food like crazy. I’ve been doing most of the cooking (and I really hate to cook), but it he’s around much over the summer and beyond I plan to let him start to handle things as if he’s in his own place–doing his own cooking and cleaning up after, etc. It’s a good time, I guess, to help him learn to manage his own life as if he’s on his own…which, as much as I truly love having him around (and listening to him play his music), I hope will happen sooner than later, for his sake.
I will be interested to hear how music schools work toward improving the online experience for musicians in order to somehow get closer to the experience of in-person instruction. My son did end up dropping his conducting class–it just wasn’t working well online, understandably.
@compmom , I’m not sure about returning to Boston to see friends, etc. I don’t think most of his friends will be back there for some time. His girlfriend finally gave up her Boston apartment (which she shared with a roommate whose boyfriend is a nurse or something and was there a lot–making her kind of nervous) and took her cat back home to her parents’ house in the midwest. His roommate and best friend is back in Peru, and another friend is close by, in Queens, but not close enough to “hang out” with in person. Unless Berklee REALLY reopens, I don’t see him going back any time soon.
I’m nervous enough about his having to take an Uber into Manhattan tomorrow morning for an upper GI series that he can’t get around here…he (and the doctors he’s spoken to) thinks he might have an ulcer, and that he shouldn’t try to wait out the pandemic to get whatever it is checked out. I’d love to go into the city (it’s just like a 15-minute bus ride away), but I’m nervous enough about going to the little Indian bodega a block from our house! 
I hope you and your kids are all doing well, and will stay safe and healthy and happy–and, perhaps, get some bursts of creativity!–through all of this. And thanks again for the responses. This isolation can feel kind of…isolating 
Around here noone is doing those kinds of procedures. He must be having severe symptoms and I hope it helps. I wondered if he could just be treated without the tests but I guesst that’s not how medicine works…
I don’t think our young people can stay with us indefinitely, but I am in a small one bedroom so it is especially hard.
@AsMother my daughter is going to find a room in a craigslist apartment. It is going to cost, but then she can work. I have health conditions so she has to leave if she works or sees people. I just wonder if other young people might do the same to preserve their sanity (and hard-won autonomy). I get along well with the kid who is staying with me but she needs to reenter the world long before I am comfortable.
My music kid is holed up in a tiny apt. in a city across the country and coming up with all kinds of creative projects. My third kid is also across the country with roommates who all work for the same start-up, and is doing fine. Their patience, resilience and ability to find some contentment are so reassuring. We’ll see if it lasts. (Son says FINALLY he has an excuse for unlimited video games.)
The uncertainty is the hardest, though I suppose harder still would be certainty that we shelter in place for two years!
Music, dance, and theater are hard fields to be in right now. My music kid just tells herself she will get back to it in time. It’s okay. Whether she and others take a leave is still the big question but it will become clear. I feel especially for percussionists who don’t have their equipment with them, usually.
@compmom , he first spoke via Telemed or whatever it is to a GP a week or two ago, but the other day he was still feeling bad so I got him on a phone appointment with a gastroenterologist, who seemed to think that his symptoms warranted an upper GI series. I thought it was odd too, but I wasn’t going to take any chances if that was the recommendation. Unfortunately, when he got to the office this morning they told him that they DON’T do that procedure, and he will need to go elsewhere. Still trying to figure out what the deal was, but I was PISSED!
Yes–it’s the uncertainty that sucks. I didn’t realize how much of an effect it was having on my son until this morning, when he was upset enough to actually speak to me about his doubts and fears. As I told him, he has EVERY right to have those feelings right now. In fact, I would think it strange if he didn’t feel upset and scared about it all at some point…we all are (I assume). Obviously, “Everything will be okay” is not a useful (or maybe even true) statement at this point. All I could do was to acknowledge what he’s feeling (he actually said, “What if this is the end?”) and let him know that we will do everything we can to get through this, and maybe even find some silver linings in the changes that will no doubt have to happen. And I believe that there have to be some.
And you’re right–it truly sucks for our kids.
I hope your daughter is able to find a suitable place, where she can be comfortable and so that you can feel safe. Your other daughter sounds very chill. I don’t think that a LOA is necessarily a bad thing for a while. It’s been a crummy semester for my son, and I just told him that he needs to separate the day-to-day bureaucratic, etc., stuff of being in school (or a job, or whatever) from what led him to and what he loves about music in the first place. I told him to just write, and/or play, what he loves, and figure the rest out later. He needs to remember what made him want to do it in the first place, and what it is about music that actually gives him joy.
Honestly, I have to admit that I’m feeling the strain. But I’ll get over it!
My daughter is not a music major, but she has a music scholarship for non-majors. She is required to continue to participate in jazz band. She’s definitely frustrated with the experience. They are supposed to record their individual parts which will then be combined with some kind of software. She thinks it’s a waste of time when she has so much other work to do.
Her big brother just bought her an amazing keyboard, so she’s experimenting with that. She’s also improvising on our newly-restored Steinway. That makes me very happy.
Overall, she has managed to stay pretty cheerful, considering that she’s a college senior who can’t be with her friends and boyfriend. I’m really proud of her. Nervous for her future, though, TBH.
Yeah, @MaineLonghorn , I have no idea how they put those things together–it’s impressive to look at, but mind-boggling, and I would think that for the musicians it’s frustrating (especially if they have things to attend to other than trying to figure out how to make the software work!).
You did remind me that I forgot to mention that my son would like to go out to spend a few weeks with his girlfriend at her family’s house. I can’t blame him for wanting to get out, and to see her (I believe they’ll be in nice, big, open AZ, instead of our little town in NJ), but we’re going to wait a few weeks to decide if domestic travel is a good or a horrible idea…
But it sounds as if your daughter is making great use of her time…and that Steinway