<p>Am prepping to have a similar conversation with my kid soon . . . and will take the soft and direct approach: </p>
<p>“we as a family need to have you look at some financial safety schools and add some of them to the college list . . . a “financial safety school” is one where the net cost ( list price minus scholarships) is in the 20s to low 30s . . . These can be a school that has a low list price, like McGill . . . or schools that tend to offer a lot of merit aid that offsets their higher list cost (like Muhlenberg, where 30% of the kids get merit aid and the average merit award is $11k) . . . So here’s a list of potential financial safety schools . . We want you to read about them and select 4-6 for us to put on the list.”</p>
<p>The other part of the conversation that needs to happen sooner or later is the “yes, we’ll pay but we won’t pay that much for that school” topic, which some parents handle by saying something like “we’ll go $30k, the rest is up to you” . . . We haven’t had that kind of conversation yet, in part because I WOULD pay the big bucks for some schools because the value is there (e.g., Columbia) but not for others (e.g., Wheaton in MA) </p>
<p>It also depends on whether the kid is still thinking in a more child-like fashion about colleges (e.g., “mommy, daddy I just LOVE this school, can I have it please please please”) or is approaching it in a more mature way (that is, there are dozens of schools where a particular student can be happy and thrive, so since the issue is best value, what 4-6 schools on your list would you be happy attending)</p>
<p>Complicating the situation for us is that we will probably not get much in the way of need aid (unlike post #31) </p>
<p>What I like about the soft and direct approach is that it elevates the student to a more mature level, away from the OP’s original issue of trying to make sure that the kid thinks of it her self into the realm of working collaboratively toward a common goal . . But that ALL depends on the maturity level of the student.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Kei</p>