<p>To be very honest, some of you seem to be quite protective
This is how I’d handle a “worst case scenario”:
I use bleach instead of wash: I wear the clothes that are still in my closet and ask someone for a ride to the mall or take a bus as soon as possible. If no clothes are available, I ship some (overnight shopping) or borrow some from friends.
i have a chronic medical condition (I do in real life): I check with my doctor and make a list of all the medications/therapies I need and when to go or check ups. For the first week in college, I meet with all potential new doctors and discuss my concern with them. Also, I inform the student health center, my roommate and all other people who might be involved earlier or later. If I need accommodations, I let the disability office know.
I have a medical emergency: I call 911. Beforehand, I have read my insurance policy and I always have my card available.
I get raped: I go to the next safe medical provider (women’s/student health center, hospital) with someone I trust (best friend on campus) or by myself. I inform the police. Then I make sure I am with someone I can grieve with. The next day, I go to the counseling center.
my roommate has a drug problem or mental illness: I google the condition/drug and find out everything there is to know, including symptoms, side effects, and ways to deal with it for a friend. I talk to them many times and suggest counseling and/or medication. If I like the person, I will accept them for who they are/the choices I have made and maybe learn the effects of drug abuse first-hand. If not, I move to a different place. </p>
<p>These were just a few examples, but I honestly think most of these things are common sense personally I have managed and continue to feel fine with managing such situations. Hence I fun it difficult to see why they would be an argument for staying closer to home. Specifically, the parents wouldn’t necessarily be able to do something beyond the actions already undertaken by the student (outlined above.) </p>
<p>Of course, maturity doesn’t depend on being far away. But it does depend on how much someone relies on someone else for managing life. And leaning that is partially what college is for. And yes, life can be tough, difficult, annoying, painful, stressful, we fail, we fail again, but we always get wiser and more experienced through it all. So yes, the beginning of college is a great time to juggle all those responsibilities at the same time for the first time it’s overwhelming, but you get used to it. And that’s when we are what we like to call “grown-up”.
You can’t always keep the bad stuff out. It needs to happen in order to learn how to deal with it letting go is the hard part as a parent. But we students well be eternally thankful and marvelous grown-ups </p>
<p>Well…I know how to change a tire, and have done so. But my new car doesn’t have a spare tire. It has a can of something to use. I have a new life skill to learn.</p>
<p>@thumper1 - that’s one reason we are not considering I think it was a Nissan? There was a brand that routinely did not include a spare tire and that made me nervous…</p>
<p>A good thing to acknowledge are the varying personalities of the kids who are growing and their tolerance for stressors. Common sense can only be so present when emotions get in the way! </p>
<p>I would not want to deal with another roommate who had a drug problem. Freshmen year I had a roommate who was an alcoholic and pathological liar, although she would only admit to one. It was a stressful living environment. Sure, I could look up the side effects and suggest counseling, but you can only do so much when A) you don’t like the person, B) the person doesn’t want to be helped, and C) you’re dealing with your own issues. I’m a bit emphatic to those who require more emotional and moral support and understand why those might be unable to handle those situations by themselves. </p>
<p>I know BMW stopped including spare tires with some of the newer models because the tires were run flat tires.</p>
<p>@thumper1 - oh, I didn’t realize. Well, do you think the spray stuff works as well? I guess that would be ok. I mean, to get a child to a financial reach school, of course, to stay on topic. ;)</p>
<p>Run flat tires supposedly last 50 miles. Enough to find a tire shop. Well at least that’s what they say. But what if you’re in the middle of Mojave dessert and the closest tire shop is 65 miles?</p>
<p>OK, back to the regular scheduled programming.</p>
<p>I know how to change spare tires and brakes but like most things I prefer not to do it unless I have to. I call AAA when I was single, I called my husband now that I’m no longer single. DH taught both daughters how to change tires, breaks and oil, etc… D1 had to change spare tire one time already. Freshman year in high school, D2 wanted to take car mechanics but changed her mind when she gets to senior year.</p>
<p>@Momzie that is exactly why I have made this a point with my kids-I had never done anything for myself and when the time came to have to start I had no idea what to do and once I figured it out I was afraid to make the phone call-nos that may sound ridiculous to others but it was a real issue for me and I didn’t want my children to follow my footsteps so I have made them do things-again that is because of my personal experience. I do not think there is a right way to do really any of this there are differences of opinions on everything and many times we do things as parents differently because of our own different experiences when we were growing up right?</p>
<p>I have no idea if it helped or hurt my children how I did it but they make the calls and it is not an issue. I always made sure they got done what needed to get done and I went to the appointments with them when they were minors-I just wanted them to get used to doing these things.</p>
<p>I have never changed a tire and never intend to learn and I have no idea if my children know how other than to call AAA but I will have to make sure they know what to do about that.</p>
<p>Okay back to the topic, I justified a reach over financial safety because I convinced myself that the schools my kids chose were the best ones for them. I do not believe that a school needs to justify itself in terms of a financial return on my investment - so potential earnings did not play into the equation. The question in my mind is this a place where my kids can best thrive and receive an education? Now, each kid was torn between two schools and I was too, each would have nurtured them intellectually in different ways. I let my kids make that choice as I felt the same way they did, they had excellent choices each with their pluses and minuses. </p>
<p>What about if the financial safety is also the more well-regarded school? This is unusual, but possible. I know of one case where the parent was a faculty member and got “free tuition” at the home Ivy but the child wanted to go to a different college w/o reciprocity and w/o as good an academic reputation, for “feel” reasons.</p>
<p>@calmom the only difference between my sister and I (other than personalities) is that she has ADD.While I will be finishing my college list, she will be starting hers this summer. </p>
<p>All other things equal, it is great to have more life skills. But all things aren’t always equal. There are different ways to live, learn and thrive. I think CC’s flaw is that it devolves into someone stating that the way they have done things is the only way or the best way to do things and that all of the other parents (or kids) are doing it wrong and are going to suffer.</p>
<p>I hadn’t done ANY of the things on the original list by the time I went to college and still don’t do some. I didn’t even know how to put oil in a car. I’ve somehow survived. Indeed, I think most people would think I have been extremely successful educationally (attended three of HYPMS), professionally (was a professor at a famous institution, worked as an i-banker, PE guy, hedgie, and then started and still run a successful small but global consulting firm, have written influential books, work on fascinating problems, have an impact on the world every once in a while – helped end a civil war, for example), financially, and in terms of my family (wonderful wife and great kids, celebrating our 30th anniversary this year). I actually feel really blessed to have the life I have.</p>
<p>I think I changed a tire once (although now I too have a BMW). I still can’t sew on a button. And, I’m fortunate to have people to take care of a lot of my life for me so I can concentrate on the things I do that add value to my clients or the world.</p>
<p>@blossom, I would argue that one life skill more important than any that you have mentioned is the ability to make sense of data and statistics and make decisions under uncertainty. This matters for managing our health, finances, product purchases, making political decisions and many other aspects of life. From my perspective, most Americans are woefully lacking in this life skill. The second is learning how to learn. If you have those two life skills, you can handle most everything else.</p>
