<p>^^^ agree with your thoughts on life skills. </p>
<p>Think of it this way. Anyone who has parents that are totally not involved in their lives gets these skills faster because they have to do everything themselves. This makes it kind of hard to focus on other things like community service, test scores and grades. </p>
<p>Involved parents are typically an attribute of successful students. </p>
<p>Actually, my self-motivated, self-directed, independent daughter was far more active in outside activities and a more focused and dedicated student than my couch-potato son. I did a lot more for my son mainly because all too often it was less of a hassle to do the stuff than to nudge and nag repeatedly waiting for him to make a move. That really didn’t change until after he had dropped out of college and was on the verge of getting kicked out of the house if he didn’t line up a job.</p>
<p>I used to give my daughter extra tasks to do in the hopes that I could thereby discourage her from doing many things that I preferred she didn’t do. It never worked. Part of the reason is that my daughter is better at all of the detail stuff than I am. She pretty much takes care of tasks like phoning for an appointment as soon as the thought occurs to her that she needs to do it. (For me it goes on a to-do list and it may take days or weeks before I get around to it…)</p>
<p>It may be partly a personality dynamic – some people take initiative, others seem to prefer to let others do things for them. Spouses and parents step in when they either perceive the task as something beyond the capability of the other person, or they simply believe that it is easier for them to do it themselves because the kid or the spouse will take too long to do it, or mess things up somehow. Part of the process of letting a family member do something for themselves is letting them do it their own way in their own time – no critique or commentary – and so there’s a cycle of negative reinforcement that can keep a person in “helpless” mode. I experienced that growing up with my neat-freak mom – she’d nag me to clean up my room and then complain because I didn’t clean well enough and come in and re-make the bed, re-clean the room, etc. So I just didn’t bother – she was going to yell at me and clean up either way. I never learned as a kid that I had the ability to set my own standards for room-cleaning. I gave my own kids a lot more control over their space --I just had a basic rule about food in their room – and I only laundered items that made it into the hampers in the hallway, not whatever was laying on their floors. So they figured that stuff out. </p>
<p>My mom let her kids do anything when we were growing up, but we didn’t fail. Our neighbor back home was much more protective. Guess what, she had 4 of her sons fell into the wrong crowds, did drugs and some died of overdose. I let my kids do a lot of things so they can fail a little bit and learn from experience. You can’t tell them everything, for one they won’t listen, but if they make their own mistake they learn forever not to make it again. In fact I encourage them to fail a lot when they are young, as long as they come out alive, they will be learning tons of things and build confidence. When they are young, there is time to recover, not so much when they are older</p>
<p>@shawbridge that is an amazing list of accomplishments! I agree with you like most internet forums CC can and sometimes does turn into a my way is the only way kind of place.</p>
<p>I think the measure of a successful adult you have summed up when you say you feel really blessed to have the life you have! I want my children to be able to say that-I think that is the goal of all the parents here-I never doubt that. There are many ways to skin a cat right? </p>
<p>I also agree completely that making an informed decision based on data and learning how to learn is the key to being a productive member of our society and completely agree this is sorely lacking as many people in my life (including me!) are swayed by emotional appeals! </p>
<p>@Pepper03, thanks for your kind words. My wife has been urging me to write a book that I’ve outlined on career choices in which one chapter involves defining success. Waking up wanting to do what you are going to do that day is one of three elements of a successful career. The book is based on a talk I’ve given a few times, but I can’t get to it because it is not professionally relevant. I need a 20 something coauthor who wants to help write, do the publicity, and see a career in advising on careers or something where this approach would help them professionally. </p>
<p>@DrGoogle your post sums up my father entirely </p>
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<p>Both my kids went to Montessori schools, every morning during their “pledge,” they promised to “make mistakes because that’s how we learn.” (I miss Montessori school. Sigh.) </p>