<p>My writing becomes detached at times. As if the protagonist is not me, but someone like in the third person, even though I am speaking in the first person. </p>
<p>Pretend you are telling the story to a friend. Include all the humor, all that is appropriate, anyway. Try to put life into it, because you are trying to hold attention. Then clean up the grammar.</p>
<p>btw, some people said that even if you don’t make some part of the essay completely about you, adcoms can see you through your descriptions of other things. How much of this is true?</p>
<p>try rewriting your essay from scratch. paragraph by paragraph. or whatever needs to be edited. keep the idea and the outline, yet don’t look at what you’ve already wrote. </p>
<p>or analyze your word-choice in the paragraphs that satisfy you. try keeping to the ‘rules’ you see. </p>
<p>i’d definitely say that adcoms see through whatever you write. i mean, it sounds so much like critical reading part of the sat, or literature.
remember that joke about blue curtains representing deep depression and blah-blah? in your essay nothing is ‘*****in’ blue’. everything reveals something about your perspective.</p>
<p>I would say don’t sweat this too much. What if your “own voice” in your writing is a bit detached? Be more concerned about what the essay says about you.</p>