How does family with 3 or 4 kids pay for college?

Paying for College
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<p>I mostly agree with Chesterton, but we tell our kids up front that life is life and they will not receive equal treatment. Our financial reality when our oldest went to college with (then) 6 younger siblings at home will in no way resemble what our finances will look at when our youngest is 18. Paying for food, clothing, electricity, water, car insurance, etc for a really large number of people consumes most of dh’s income. When the older kids are financially independent and we can downsize, we will have more disposable income. Of course, the flip side is that we had a ton more energy and did a ton of stuff (camping, sports, traveling, living overseas) when we were younger and our younger kids have more tired parents. ;)</p>

<p>Our philosophy is to help to the best of our ability at the time. It really is the best we can do.</p>

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<p>@billcsho… I understand where you are coming from and appreciate your view. It is a situation that many families with multiple kids heading to college face, and with three kids myself, I understand. We all face that question of how to divide up that bucket of money, whether cash on hand or loans, and you make a good point that using your cash on hand for the first kid makes sense - because the financial aid process penalizes parents who have saved up money, so better to have an empty savings account than money in the bank.</p>

<p>I was the oldest, and I paid my way through college with job savings and scholarships. By the time my younger siblings were going to college, my parents were in better financial shape, and had more money to spend, and they were willing to take out additional loans. I never felt envious about that, because part of the reason I paid my own way was so that I did not have to answer to my parents for my class choices or my grades (the other part being, of course, that, financially, my parents were not going to be able to help at all.)</p>

<p>If I had received a lot of money from them (whether cash or loans), I would have felt more obligated to report to them. My younger siblings have dealt with the realities that come from having allowed my parents to take out PLUS loans on their behalf, and have felt more pressure to account for their college choices because of that financial support. But that is all their business, thankfully - I have nothing to do with it.</p>

<p>Anyway, I do love the idea of families working together to achieve goals like college, and being willing to sacrifice on behalf of each other to make sure everyone gets through. So however it works best for your family or for mine, that sense of us all being in this together is the essence of family. Best wishes to you and yours :slight_smile: </p>

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<p>@chesterton Yes, we planned to spend the saving on the first child while hoping to get better aid for the second child. Indeed, we are almost forced to do it this way otherwise I don’t know how to pay for the first kid’s college. I wish I am rich and do not rely on aid that I can divide the money up front. You know when you are starving, you are not saving the food for next year.</p>

<p>I was the youngest of 3 siblings and my college education was all paid by grant and direct loan. Fortunately it was not that expensive 30 years ago. I ended up paying back all the loan after graduate school and it was only a few thousand dollars. I did not spend a dime from my family for my college and post-graduate education. But in my culture, siblings are a lot closer.</p>

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<p>Different “100% need met” schools may define “need” differently, and may have different student contributions, resulting in potentially large differences in net prices. In addition, it is not necessarily assured that if one has 3 kids going to college that they will all be admitted to “100% need met” schools that are appropriate for their academic and professional goals.</p>

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<p>These days, it may be because the smartest kid is able to gain admission to a school with good financial aid, or is able to pick up good merit scholarships, so that the price of college for the smartest kid is significantly lower than for other kids who may not have as good college admission credentials.</p>

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<p>@ucbalumnus… agreed.</p>

<p>In our family, I had to establish the choices are as follows, in order of increasing expense:</p>

<p>(1) live at home, go to the community college, then transfer to the state university
(2) live at home, commute to the state university
(3) go to the state university, live on campus
(4) go private or out of state with merit aid, live on campus</p>

<p>The costs for choices 1 and 2 are very low, and doable even without any merit aid (though state universities here do award merit, and there is Bright Futures on top of that.) And both choices assume that any kid living at home and going to community college or the university is also working at least part-time to cover expenses beyond room and board.</p>

<p>For choices 3 and 4, any private or out of state option cannot exceed the cost of choice 3 (state university, living on campus.)</p>

<p>Those were our limits. Any school that exceeded the cost of choice 3 never stayed on the list. Many many many schools were instantly eliminated from the list because they far exceeded the annual cost of attending a state university and living on campus. There was never any discussion, except that I was very open with the kids that we would not be taking out PLUS loans.</p>

<p>My oldest’s choice of school made the cut because he qualified for the top scholarships plus. For my other kids, they seem to be the same kind of students, but one never knows, and they understand that they have to get the same scores in order to follow him there. But having gone through this process, we know all about the schools that meet my parameters, and there are a lot of choices, so it will all work out - everyone will go to college, just not necessarily the same college.</p>

<p>Of course, they all have the option to live at home for up to two years after graduation, work full-time, save money, receive free room and board, and we will give them the cash when they move out and they can make their own decisions about college. None have taken us up on that offer.</p>

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<p>Indeed, merit aid is very critical for us. That’s why we picked several low match schools. </p>

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<p>It would need to be about six years (age 24), or until marriage or military service, for the kids to be disconnected from parental finances for the purpose of financial aid for undergraduate study.</p>

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<p>Chesterton, you’d have to given them an awful lot of cash if it’s to a private college. Some of the schools are in the mid $60K zone per year. You are talking over a quarter million dollars in cost over the 4 years, and the prices are rising yet. They stay home for two years, how much do you think the average 19-20 year old is going to make, and there are costs to working, too, and they have to live a little, so how much do you realistically think they are going to save in 24-30 months? Not a quarter million dollars to go to dream school, if they can even gain entry by that time, as non traditional students, other than a gap year may be looked upon with askance without some good reason for the two years off at selective school admissions. It would also take tremendous discipline and motivation to save most of ones’ pay those years. I don’t know many kids who would do it. Easier to fall into a whole other situation, also a risk. </p>

<p>Some well to do families did take up on offers from some small local privates that offered nice merit. My son got a tuition remission from one But that meant going to a small local private He now sees how that has worked just fine for a number of his peers, but then they missed out on what he got, at tremendous cost, but he did get and is getting a traditional luxurious away from home major university experience, independence and all the trimming that go with that as opposed to waking up in his bed at home here and going off to school, much as he did all of his prior life. College was a big bang change for him with big bucks cost.</p>

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<p>@ucbalumnus… If any of my kids chose not to go straight to college, then the expectation would be that they would be on their own if they eventually went to college later in adulthood. Is it harder to go back to college later? Of course, so they need to consider their options carefully, but it is their lives after all. Some kids just want to go from high school to work, and so, if any of my kids chose to do that, we would offer to let them live at home for two years, work full-time, save all of their money, and we would give them cash (probably what we would have spent over the course of two years of state university tuition/fees - which is the financial standard used in choosing any college for our family - ridiculous tuition is never the standard.)</p>

<p>I know it is becoming less common, but there are still plenty of young people who turn 18, graduate from high school, and go straight to work and support themselves. A student who chooses to go straight to work has decided to accelerate moving into full adulthood and I am willing to participate in that choice by helping them start off that life with cash in the bank and debt free. I think the opportunity to go straight to college is better, because of the opportunities and because of my financial support. I would not be funding college for a 22 or 23 year old who had chosen not to go straight to school, and then realizes the disadvantages of that choice. By that point, any 22 or 23 year old of mine would have received some cash and a good jumpstart, and returning as a non-traditional student would be on their dime.</p>

<p>@cptofthehouse… I don’t expect that you would read my other posts, but if you had, you would know that none of my kids would ever be going to a school that costs $60k a year. They would not be staying at home to save up to go to a dream school. The choices are clear (at least to me): upon graduation from high school, go straight to college full-time or go straight to work full-time. Understanding the reality, those kids who choose to go straight to college will be deferring their working years by at least 4 years, but with the expectation that their college degree leads to a higher salary. Those kids who choose not to go straight to full-time college, but would like to take me up on the offer of full financial support beyond high school for up to two years as they work full-time and save their money (and if they want to live a little, they can use their personal cash, not mine), they will likely take longer to get into the workforce and earn the same income as their college-degreed siblings (though we all know that is not a hard fast rule.). So they get full support for two years, they save up their income from a full-time job for two years, and they get cash from me at the end of those two years equal to about two years’ state university tuition (around $7k a year here in Florida.). I think that is a very good deal. My kids get equal buckets of money and they have choices about how to utilize those funds.</p>

<p>That said, my kids know that college is their best path (including college vocational training programs) and so all of them have decided to take that route. </p>

<p>But even as they do this, and even with my financial support, I will consider them adults, which means that I won’t be advocating on their behalf at their colleges, or sending questions to professors, or logging in to see their grades, or buying their pizza and movie tickets on Friday nights (unless I have invited them.)</p>

<p>If my kids are still depending on me significantly when they hit their 20s, I will consider that a failure on my part. Let’s just say that when they are 26, I don’t expect to have them on my health insurance.</p>

<p>I appreciate the input, but as someone who has worked for other people since I started babysitting full-time summers at the age of 9, I have a pretty good idea of what it takes even in today’s economy. I think the main problem young people have these days is that they think they ought to keep living the lifestyle their parents provided to them. They forget that their parents worked years and years to get to that lifestyle. My kids, thankfully, don’t have any delusions of starting anywhere but the bottom and working themselves up the ladder. I won’t let them starve, but I also won’t rob them of their right to become independent adults. I look forward to getting to know their adult selves.</p>

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<p>I would rather my kids waited until they knew what they wanted to do before we invested money in a degree they didn’t want. I didn’t start college until I was 21 because that’s when I knew what I wanted to study. I worked full-time and lived at home until I graduated. My parents didn’t charge me anything for living there and made it clear I always had a home when I needed it. Because I was an independent at that age and was attending a state school, state and federal grants paid for my education. </p>

<p>I know several young people who went directly from high school to college. Four years later they were unhappy with their degrees and (in at least 2 instances) parents are paying for a 2nd degree now that the kids know what they want to study. They’re taking on a lot of debt. I know others who took a gap year, then attended a 4-year college, and some who took a gap year, then did 2 years at a community college followed by another gap year before finishing at a 4-year school. The kids who took gap years seem more satisfied with their choice of majors. Some spent their gap year(s) working while others did a combination of work and European travel. Kids are different and I think families would save a lot of money (theirs and/or their kid’s) by encouraging them not to go to school until they’re ready.</p>

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<p>We have 6 spread out from current HS senior to just turned 1. We got married pretty young, and have been living on a single income for most of our marriage. There was never a chance to save for college, even being very frugal and living without many of the luxuries those around us take for granted.</p>

<p>I will admit that we learned a lot about the college process through trial and error with our eldest. We are blessed that she is a very bright student and has received a large amount of merit scholarship money to her “dream” school. That, in combination with a small amount of financial aid, makes this school affordable.</p>

<p>The next is line has learning disabilities that will keep her from reaching the academic level of her sister. She already knows that she will be going to community college for 2 years, while working part time, and then transfer to a local 4 year school to complete her degree.</p>

<p>Number 3 is following in the oldest’s footsteps, and our hopes are that, like her, her will make NMF and get a full ride scholarship to the local 4 year college. Fortunately for us, that is his “dream” school.</p>

<p>The last 3 are still too young to have any concrete plans for, although (except for the 1 year old) they know they must make school their priority and do their best. Having watched the process with their older sister, I think they have grasped the serious nature of college and scholarships.</p>

<p>We certainly realize now that there is a price to be paid in having some many children and not having a large income from which to save for college. Hindsight is, unfortunately, almost always 20/20. We have no one but ourselves to “blame” for our situation (not saying I would wish to have fewer kids), and I am envious at times of those who can afford to send their children to college wherever they wish.</p>

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<p>I have had a couple of years of having three in at once. Fortunately, they’ve received a lot of need based aid. They all new going in that finances would be of primary importance. We fall in the income zone that gets no need based aid at out instate publics so these quickly became nonviable options. Two were admitted ED to elite level schools which meet need and are very generous to middle class families. The third chose a solid but not top level school which met need with less than the max stafford loans and a large need based grant. Even with all that aid, it’s still a challenge to come up with our EFC, and each kid gives their summer earnings up to help pay tuition. Somehow we’ve managed to keep up with it all but it’s not easy. They definitely do not split the EFC in thirds. </p>

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<p>How we did it:</p>

<p>We’re are coming to the final year of undergraduate college tuition as our third child will enter her senior year in the fall. This is how we put our three through private colleges over 9 years:</p>

<p>Rounding off the total cost of each child at 200k:
College Savings: 25k
Kid’s contribution: 50k (loans, scholarships, grants, work, etc. )
Out of pocket: 100k (25k per year covered from mom increasing work hrs, refinancing mortgage, frugal living)
Loans: 25k (HELOC and loan against 401K)</p>

<p>How we could have done it cheaper: Would have cost less than half this if we sent our kids to our flagship State School. However, our family made the choice to not make finances the deciding factor.</p>

<p>What we did right: Have kids young - we have 12+ years before retirement to recover the financial hit of the past 9 years.</p>

<p>What we wish we had done differently: Save more</p>

<p>What helped us: A drop in mortgage rates allowed us to refinance, take money out, and still see a lower monthly payment. </p>

<p>What worked against us: College costs increasing much, much faster than savings rate.</p>

<p>Unforeseen expenses: GRAD SCHOOL!!! </p>