<p>Hey everyone. I'm a student but was hoping to get some parental opinions on this issue. Basically, what is your theory when it comes to paying for college? Do you support your children no matter what, letting them go to their dream school even if it is crazy expensive? Or do you promise your kids you will pay the equivalent of a state school, and the rest is up to them? My parents basically made it clear to me that financials will be the biggest influence on where I go to college. Was it the same for your children? Any opinions or thoughts would be appreciated.</p>
<p>curious…every family’s values are different, let alone every family’s financial situation is different. I think you need to respect your family’s situation. And if your parents can only offer X amount toward college, you are free to make up the difference if it means attending another college you prefer. But no matter what they can afford, there are sure to be many fine options. College is very expensive! </p>
<p>How people approach this varies so much and there have been many parent threads on this topic before. Please respect your parents’ situation and choices and have a well reasoned discussion with them before you apply and share your thoughts and listen to theirs.</p>
<p>To answer your question…since you are “curious”…but I am not sure how this HELPS YOU, we let our two children apply to any college they wanted and to attend any one they wanted when they were admitted, no matter the cost or financial aid package they received. They did get need based aid. After that, we felt our responsibility was to come up with a way to pay for it and we have. I respect that not everyone approaches it this way however. We did not make our kids take the best financial deal that they got but simply to pick the school they felt fit them the best.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I do support my son, no matter what. However, that does not include ignoring our financial reality. I believe it is far more important for my husband and I to be able to support ourselves for life. Nor do I believe that there is only one “dream school” for each student and everything else is some kind of compromise. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Well, in our family, what other choice did we have? Financials drive all our decisions, from the cars we drive to the home we live in to the food we eat. If we had unlimited funds, that would be one thing but we simply do not. </p>
<p>We spelled everything out for our son at a young age and just kept reminding him. We said that if he worked hard in school, we would work hard to help him find schools he’d love to attend that we can also afford. So far, so good.</p>
<p>We told our daughter that we would pay up to the FAFSA EFC, which in our case involves taking some loans. Even though they are in our daughter’s name, we will pay those. We told her that anything above EFC, she would be responsible for. That meant that she’d need to find some combination of scholarships, grants, loans and workstudy. Fortunately, she got a great aid package which was heavy on scholarships/grants, and light on loans/workstudy. But if she hadn’t, she would have to make the choice between going to an affordable local school, or digging herself deeply into debt to go to her private school (which I would be very much opposed to).</p>
<p>Like pugmadkate, we don’t believe that supporting our child means we need to impoverish ourselves. I’d love to have a private jet, but the financial realities forbids it. Same with college. There are some things that are simply out of reach; that’s just how life is. </p>
<p>One more thing to think about: Your college is probably not the only large financial issue on your parents’ minds. Most of us are looking ahead to retirement as well. Please don’t put your parents into the position of thinking that they must choose between sending you to your dream school on the one hand, or being able to retire someday on the other.</p>
<p>We’ve been very fortunate and have saved for our kids’ college educations since they were born. As a result, each as cash in the bank equal to 4 years at any Maryland public U. However, we are not limiting them to that small scope of schools. They can attend anywhere they want and the expenses will be paid in the following order:</p>
<p>1st money = scholarships won by child
2nd money = Unsub Stafford loan borrowed by child
3rd money = $25,000 per year from college savings
4th money = parent’s monthly payment plan, not to exceed $10,000 per year</p>
<p>If that combo of financing doesn’t pay the college bill, then there must be a very very persuasive argument for taking on debt. So far I haven’t come across anything persuasive enough.</p>
<p>Our FAFSA EFC was pretty close to what we had “saved” for our kids’ college education and was very close to the cost of our public flagship. We made sure our kids understood that $$ amount was what we could contribute. We also told them they could include the maximum Staffords available and we would be there to help if they had trouble paying the Staffords back down the road, so basically they had our $$ + Stafford $$ as their target budget. They could apply anywhere they wanted but they clearly understood that when decision time came around they would have to say “no” to any college that didn’t put a financial aid package together that met “our” family budget and they understood that we would not be willing to take out loans to augment what we had saved. Every family is different but you are fortunate that you are already talking to your parents about the finances. Finances are an important factor for most families.</p>
<p>My parents paid for my college (albeit much less than now) and we will pay for our childrens. Fortunately, we will only have one at a time, and while it’s a stretch and we may have to take out some loans, it’s the last major financial thing we are doing for them (except a wedding for D, maybe). We will likely downsize our house also, but that’s something we would probably do anyway.</p>
<p>This is predicated on our children working hard, both before and during college, and doing their best.</p>
<p>Our kids are fortunate. Their grandparents set up small education accounts for them when they were preschoolers ($x000) and the accounts have grown nicely to ($x0,000). These accounts are enough to cover their bare room and board. If they want to live a more luxurious life in college, they will get jobs during school or over the summer to pay for it.</p>
<p>We also had the good fortune to move form a high-priced housing area to a lower-priced area. Rather than getting a bigger house, we opted for no mortgage. Therefore we can afford even private school tuition.</p>
<p>So, lucky boys. On the other hand, they have saved for college in that they didn’t live in a bigger house, chose inexpensive extra curricular activities, didn’t do expensive summer camps, earned money in high school, and wore hand-me-down clothes (however, we do ski 
).</p>
<p>Despite us being able to pay, our son doesn’t feel right about being dependent on us, and says he is going to compete for an ROTC scholarship.</p>
<p>We intend to set up educational trusts for our grandchildren if and when we have some.</p>
<p>Our family had one set of plans … then circumstances intervened. And we had multiple kids to educate. At the beginning of 9th Grade we told each that we would pay the costs of attending our state flagship university. If they wanted something else they would have to get high grades and test scores to earn academic scholarships. Despite what some may think, money is not unlimited.</p>
<p>We’re prepared to tighten our belts and, if necessary, go further into debt to get our son through college. However, we have made it clear that if he gets into several schools and one of them makes a much better aid offer than the others, he will have to either choose that school or come up with the extra $ himself.</p>
<p>I’m going through this right now with senior D. Beyond the cash we’ve saved, we are prepared to borrow (as I joke: “up to the cost of a small Mercedes…”), she can borrow (“up to the cost of a Ford Taurus”).</p>
<p>If she gets into, say, Williams College and it’s b/w Williams and SW Missouri State, it will be very difficult not to find a way to have her go to Williams, whatever the cost. </p>
<p>Having said that, we only have one kid, and it’s highly likely she’d get into a very good State university, so the choice would not be so stark.</p>
<p>I would take out a $30,000 car note without worrying too much, so I certainly won’t hesitate to borrow more than that to put her through a great program at a great school, but back when I made $25,000/year, neither type of borrowing would have been an option.</p>
<p>A lot depends on (1) your parents’ earning power, (2) other obligations such as younger siblings, (3) whether their jobs are recession-proof, (4) available home equity or other borrowing power, and, frankly, how stingy they are.</p>
<p>We’ve been saving for a long time and have told our kids we’ll pay for them to go wherever they want. </p>
<p>But that’s us. You can’t compare one family’s situation to another. It’s really not fair to your parents.</p>
<p>My parents paid for my education, and dh’s parents paid for most of his, so we’ve always had the expectation we’d pay for our kids. Thanks to a nicely timed inheritance, we’ve been able to do that. I am thankful that we haven’t had to worry about the financial aspect, but I respect parents who have to make difficult decisions with regard to what they can afford.</p>
<p>We always expected to pay for our kids’ college education. Unlike some more enlightened parents on this board, we have a lot of say on where our kids go to school and even majors. You could call it guidance in a nice way. I wouldn’t make my kids become doctor, lawyer, investment banker…if they don’t want to, but I wouldn’t support a major they wouldn’t be able to make living with after gradudation. I also wouldn’t pay for a no name school if they could go to a better school. It’s important for us to get the most bang with our investment. It is a downside when someone is paying your bills.</p>
<p>It looks to me like parents generally all do the same–what they feel they can do. I suppose a few parents may be stingy (as MSUDad suggests), but I think most are guided more by their comfort level with the prospects for their own financial futures or by deeply held beliefs about an adult child’s financial self-sufficiency.</p>
<p>We don’t have savings, but sacrifice “lifestyle” in a big way to pay for college. Our kids pay 10% of their college costs from high school and summer jobs. My goal is to avoid borrowing. Getting them through school debt free is our gift to our kids. (I hope they will remember this when we run out of retirement $$!) From now on, (we made a mistake with first kid–his school has no merit aid and is not really affordable for us) kids will be limited to colleges where they can get merit aid if they qualify (and they WILL qualify! 
) That doesn’t exclude private schools–but the really expensive ones are out, and they know that. </p>
<p>Our parents could not afford to pay for our educations, and that was just a fact then. We had to work during school, take out loans, etc. Since we can afford to help our kids more, we are happy to do so. Back then, it seems that more parents had the attitude that you were on your own when you turned 18. Today, more parents expect to put their kids through college if they can afford it.</p>
<p>OP, as nearly every poster has said, “Most parents want to give their child the best education possible – GIVEN THEIR FAMILY’S FINANCIAL SITUATION.” And that must take into account the family’s income and assets, the number of children to be educated, the parents’ age and retirement needs, etc. All of us would love to be able to tell our children that they can go to any school they want to – no matter what the cost – and we’ll take care of it. But the truth is only a very, very small % of us can actually do that. The rest of us just have to consider the financial impacts of sending a child to college. And I know that today’s economy is forcing many of us parents to take a more conservative approach because most of us have seen our savings and assets take a big dip in value, and many of us are worrying about job prospects or have recently lost our jobs. That means we really need to think carefully about every dollar we spend.</p>
<p>Please respect your parents’ decision as to how much money they can afford to pay for your schooling. Make sure you apply to a variety of schools, including at least one or two that are financial safeties for you (meaning the COA is definitely within your parents’ price range). And you can do your part too – by applying for outside scholarships, working part-time, etc. to supplement what your parents can provide and what the schools might offer in financial aid.</p>
<p>And also remember that there are literally hundreds of public universities where you can get an outstanding education for a reasonable cost. It is not the end of the world if you go to your flagship U rather than a private school.</p>
<p>Because we knew we wouldn’t qualify for need-based aid, our Ds knew that they couldn’t apply to any schools that did not offer merit aid. That meant foregoing the applications to most reach schools for which they were qualified but not assured of admittance anyway. We are fortunate to live in the Midwest where private tuition is a little cheaper than on the coasts, and we are paying for what is left over after merit aid.
No loans. If either we or child needed loans, we would have insisted on our very good state flagship or any other state school.</p>
<p>I belong to a totally different forum for mothers and the mindset of how college will be paid is often quite different than on this board. </p>
<p>Many parents outside of the type that visit CC, feel that most of the burden of paying for college should be the student’s responsibility. I know parents that would never take out loans themselves to pay for college and do not have near enough saved for it either. They may help some, but expect their kids to take on loans.</p>
<p>Our S will has a great scholarship package, will have some loans, we are paying some with a 529 and we will take on some loans. Our S was born when we were very, very young and in no position to start saving for college until he was in high school. It has nothing to do with being stingy, life isn’t always as easy as some people on here make it out to be.</p>
<p>My kids know there is a limit to what we can afford to pay for college. We have saved but with the down market and work pressures what we thought we could do and what we can is somewhat different. Personally, I am not willing to borrow significant money for college. My kids will have small loans and we may help them if we can to pay those back, but I will not drain my retirement account or up my mortgage for a specific college. With three kids, I also don’t think its fair to focus all the money on the college kid and tell the others they can’t take lessons or partcipate in activities because we can’t afford it. My oldest got merit money, not at his first choice school but at a good alternative. My second may go to a state school, as he is not the most focused student. I think parents owe their kids a college education, I don’t think they are being stingy if they are unwilling to sacrifice their financial future to four short years of college.</p>