How far is too far in selecting a college?

<p>TheDad, just as we can all respect and applaud the parenting decisions you’ve made, it seems mean of you not to accord other parents respect for theirs.</p>

<p>I left home at 17 and never looked back, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t see the logic of a parent who decides they want their kids within a half days drive (for whatever reason.) I have a cousin who stayed closer to home for college than he might have wanted, but was instrumental in helping with the medical care of a very ill younger sibling. It was his choice to be close; I don’t think his professional choices or “competent sense of independence” was hampered by his situation; implying that people whose circumstances are very different from yours (you’ve got two healthy, working parents and an only child, correct?) are somehow bad or evil isn’t fair. Life happens and being 3,000 miles away from home for college is hardly the only or correct choice.</p>

<p>I know lots of kids who stay close to home for college. Sometimes it’s a mistake; sometimes it works out great; the distance is only one factor among many. Some of these kids do just fine-- study abroad, fellowships in far away and exotic places, employment thousands of miles away from home right after graduation, etc. These kids are no less mobile than yours, even if the right college choice for them is an hour from mom and dad. There are lots of paths to professional fulfillment and lots of kids who live within a days drive of home who manage to sever the apron strings quite appropriately and completely.</p>

<p>First, is any Italian mother going to volunteer to do my laundry?</p>

<p>Second, this thread brought back a memory. I lived off campus with my BFF, an hour’s drive from my home town. Our fathers got it into their head to renovate a bookcase and deliver it (without telling us anything about it, of course.) They drove over early on a Sunday morning. My dad (bless him) recognized BFF’s BF’s car. He said, “Bernie, the girls are still asleep. Let’s grab some breakfast.”</p>

<p>He excused himself to go to the men’s room and called, telling me to stash John and hide his car. So sweet.</p>

<p>I like the TheDad’s zeal. We didn’t do as he suggests, but I enjoy it anyway.</p>

<p>I must say, even though DD was only a two hour train ride from school, she only rarely came home weekends. She was grateful to be able to come home for the wake of a high school friend who committed suicide. All the kids in the Northeast came home, and it has been instrumental in cementing bonds between these HS friends.</p>

<p>So all were close to home, but upon graduation DD is going to England, BFF to Spain and BGF (best guy friend) to Indonesia. Then they all plan to come home to live and work in NYC. </p>

<p>So many approaches can work. I have really enjoyed being able to share some of their college experience. </p>

<p>S commanded us not to come for his birthday; we didn’t. We found a wonderful Valentine’s Day special in his town. We didn’t even see him. It was nice knowing he was there, though.</p>

<p>He has been abroad to Rome and Florence for Classical and Musical studies, and we haven’t spoken with him more than once a week during those periods, so I don’t think his college proximity (4 hrs.) hampered his adventures. H and I wanted him to seriously consider U of Chicago where he was accepted and Pomona (where he didn’t even apply) but he refused to take a plane.</p>

<p>My kids’ idea was that the Northeast is the mecca of higher education, so why should they go somewhere else.</p>

<p>Let me make it clear – I DON’T AGREE WITH THEM. But in the end it was a pleasure ot have them close by.</p>

<p>Parents don’t even need to be nearby to get you in trouble. One Sunday morning, my father decided to call my dorm room and got no answer (we had all…slept elsewhere). Panicking, he called the campus police who woke up the entire sorority looking for me and when I was tracked down I had to explain to my father that I was in the “all night study room” all night. I’ve never asked him if he really believed me, but he acted like he did.</p>

<p>Of course, if they WANT to go away that’s their choice (I had to for my career), but I would never PUSH my kids to go away. That was the part I thought seemed harsh.</p>

<p>All distance did was interfere with the “Whim Factor” both S’s and ours. State Flagships are 5 and 7 hours away by car on busy boring road where there are many accidents each year involving college students going back and forth. School he attends is 2 1/2 hours away by non-stop flight half way across the US with 2 airports to choose from, one 25 miles away and the other less than 10 miles away (both with good transportation to the U). If we didn’t go visit or have S come home on a whim for a weekend was a financial matter (we are already going overboard in tuition). We figured that in case of an emergency, money would not be the main consideration for going visit/coming home. After one year and 3 round trips:(a)holiday travel can get complicated and expensive, and (b)important late classes or finals on Friday before school is over can wreck your best flight money saving schemes. Otherwise it worked out great but with experience we should do better this year.</p>

<p>Bottom line: if you can fly there quickly enough, distance is relative.</p>

<p>^ great post J’adoube, you brought up a few issues I had not considered, particularly the exam schedules impact on flights. The other issue I had not thought of was the impact of weather on the flights. One of the schools my D is looking at is in the Minneapolis area and I know that airport can get flight cancellations due to the snow. If a flight gets cancelled due to a snow storm for an extended period before a school holiday, I am not even sure where my D would stay. It may be unlikely but I like to manage for every potential problem since they all seem to happen to me.</p>

<p>Factor in that many students rarely come back to the parents’ town after the freshman year whether they are a 2 hour drive away or cross country.</p>

<p>DD and all her friends are all home after graduating from college. They are all vacationing together and then going off to far flung places.</p>

<p>DS’s friend from Bates is here every night, so I think it really depends on the community. He’s going off to India to live in a Buddhist monastery in Sept. so I don’t think they can’t break away from home. We just live in a very tight community.</p>