We are in northern NJ. D2 went to a boarding school in northern NH and we saw her infrequently. D3 would like to go to boarding school here in NJ - possibly Lawrenceville, Peddie or Blair. She is an excellent student and I suspect she will be admitted.
What is the collective experience with home visits? Is it reasonable that kids come home once per month if they live within 90 minutes of the school? My wife is concerned that we will miss key moments if D3 is away. I don’t want to sell the idea to my wife only to find out that it is unusual for kids to go home monthly or so.
Short answer - it depends. It depends on the kid. It depends on the school (and its rules). It depends if the’re along weekend baked into each term’s academic calendar.
But if you or your wife is concerned about missing key moments, I will point out that many, if not most, of the key moments will occur at school. Your kid won’t have a car; you presumably do. It’s easier to visit her.
It does depend. We live 90 minutes from DS’s school and see him frequently. It’s easy to see his home Saturday games and many away games (many of which are closer than school). In the fall he has several Sunday practices for his off-season sport, so we see him then. There is some kind of mid-term break (long weekend) each term. Between all of those times, honestly we seem him more often than I would have expected. It wouldn’t be nearly the same if he was 2-3+ hours away.
Like was posted above it depends on several factors- location, distance from home, number of long weekends, number of breaks per year, policy on Open Weekends, and $$. Our experience has been that very few students who live a plane ride away from school go home outside of the school vacation times. When there is a 3-day weekend this can be a challenge. Some kids get invited to stay with friends who are within driving distance. Many schools schedule long weekends coordinated to parent weekends. We did see students from schools closer to metro areas going home more regularly…but these kids may also be on travel/club teams for sports. FWIW I do know one student who seeks an adoptive weekend family to get off campus, enjoy a private room with bath, a trip to Chipotle, and a home cooked dinner?
Most of the more local boarders DID have the flexibility to go home for a family event or the occasional “go to my room and be totally alone” R&R weekend. But few of them did this with any regularity. Once a month is pretty often. Still, probably more so than the kids from the other coast.
I think most local boarders enjoyed the fact that their parents could come to games and bring that sweatshirt they wished they’d packed, for example. I believe the data I’ve seen shows that the majority of bs students are from within 2 or 3 hours of school. Having done the distant boarding thing, you probably have pretty good perspective on this.
One comment: If you limit your search by geography, you will end up with a wider range of schools in terms of culture and fit. Think carefully about what it is you want from the experience (especially with a kid who could conceivably be attractive to all of them.)
Our son just finished his first year only 45 min from home. He loved it there and only came home when they closed for holidays. Of course, we were able to see him for sports about every two weeks when he was in season, so he had that connection. But even if he was further he would not have come back. So don’t expect regular visits. They are also flat out studying so it would be hard on them plus missing social events. Don’t put any pressure to return for a weekend.
Helpful suggestion: IF your student plays sports, dances, performs in a band or theatre group…it can feel lonely to be the only one without parents around at those events. IF you are a parent who lives within driving distance and can attend your student’s games or special event please consider inviting or including kids without their parents to dinner or celebration. Even though we don’t get to campus often due to distance, DH and I have brought signs, snacks and cheer to students whose parents live abroad or in a distant location - so that they felt supported and included. It means a lot to the students. In addition, check with the parent organization and school about hosting foreign students for long weekends or Thanksgiving. You can get involved through your school’s parent network or speak with someone in admissions, advancement, or Host Family organization.
I think the point of limiting search to schools within easy driving distance (when our younger kid expressed strong interest in boarding school we limited the search to 2 hour drive) is that you can easily visit almost every weekend, for Saturday or Friday night games. Followed by dinner, check in and some of the time your child may want to go home for the weekend. I think once a month is pretty close to average and even a bit below for kids in nearby boarding schools. It does seem that the home visits are often for things like travel team practices/off season sports events, family events, good friend’s birthday party or other events, not just to hang out with mom and dad. But in any event, like someone already said how often your kid visits may not be in your control but how often you visit certainly is if they are not too far away. We did look at L’ville and between the sizable day student population and the local boarders the campus does empty a bit on Saturday night, but they do have Saturday classes which makes it a fairly short visit if you leave on regular weekend. Haven’t visited the other two but know a couple of Blair kids who do seem to come back to NYC on weekends with some regularity.